How to Stop Comparing Your Relationships to “Happy Couples” on Social Media

When we imagine a “dream relationship,” we rarely think about ourselves and our partner. More often, what comes to mind are famous couples with the perfect home, the perfect kids, and the perfect life. Or popular bloggers who constantly post photos from romantic trips. Even our classmates, who have been together since school, seem to us an unattainable ideal.

Most people, including those in stable, healthy relationships, fantasize about what could be improved or fixed in their life. to your mate. Sometimes even more often than they should. We don't know how true the ideal picture on the Internet is, but it's still hard for us to resist doubts and questions about what's wrong with us, since we don't have such relationships. Perhaps if the partner was more attractive or richer, wrote love letters or wrote long posts on social networks about our love, everything would be different and we wouldn’t feel like something we're missing out.

The science provesthat our tendency to social comparison and the contrast makes us assume that other people are having hotter sex, going on fancier dates, and arguing a lot less.

However, the desire for an “ideal” relationship can destroy existing ones. After all, from time to time quarreling, not finding mutual understanding and getting tired of each other is normal and, more importantly, realistic.

If you notice that perfect couples on social media make you jealous, try to avoid this trap in the following ways.

Analyze where uncertainty comes from

Sometimes dissatisfaction with relationships is not due to them at all, but to our own self-doubt. For example, the problem may not be that you and your partner don’t post enough cute photos together, but that you want to impress your subscribers. Or are you not ready yet come together, but you feel pressure because your friends have been living in couples for a long time.

When we are not happy with ourselves or our lives, we often project this onto our relationships. So the first step is to understand what is really making you feel empty. If it's about the relationship, you can talk about it with your partner, and if it's about you, start strengthen self-esteem, learn to accept yourself and your life as it is and depend less on approval those around you.

Remind yourself that you don't know what's going on behind closed doors.

There is no such thing as an ideal relationship. Don't let money or good looks fool you. Even the most attractive, rich and smiling couples you see on social media are not constantly in a state of bliss. It’s unlikely that you post videos of your quarrels with your partner or photos of the mess he leaves in the kitchen. On the contrary, most likely you exhibit charming photos of dates and other happy moments.

We will never know what happens in a relationship if we are not in it. And yes, this even applies to your close friends. No matter how much time you spend with them, you don't know the full extent of their personal problems. Evaluating your relationships based on assumptions and guesses about others is not a very healthy or useful idea.

Next time you start doing this, stop and try to look at things from a different angle. For example, one of your colleagues posts a photo of a family vacation on the paradise islands. Of course, I immediately want to think that their marriage is “heavenly.” But instead of accepting this thought without hesitation, return to reality and say: “I don’t see everything at all. Travel can be stressful and tiring, and a colleague is unlikely to show on social media the moments when things went wrong.”

Or perhaps you you're jealousthat your friend and his new partner have the same interests. In this case, you should think about the fact that they can watch football games and cook pizza together, but there are also many things that they do separately. The goal is not to mentally destroy other couples' relationships, but to remember that we are all human and we all have flaws.

Consciously appreciate what you have

Instead of chasing fantasies that will not necessarily bring happiness in reality, remember why you started a relationship with your partner in the first place and what you are grateful to him for. Someone who cooks, cleans, goes shopping and buys you expensive gifts may seem ideal. But is all this really necessary for a healthy and happy life? If a partner lacks something in certain areas, this does not mean that he doesn't fit to you in general.

When you compare your relationships to others, you focus on what you don't have. This is why it is especially important to be careful about what you have. Make a list of everything you like about your partner, spend time together more often and give compliments. For example: “I love that you took the time to go to our favorite restaurant” or “No one knows me better than you or listens to me as carefully.”

Another way to practice gratitude is to go on “meaningful walks,” where you explore new or familiar places together and wonder about what’s happening around you. This will not only help you disconnect from endless thoughts (and social media feeds), but also get closer to your partner and have a more positive outlook on your life and relationships.

Figure out what really matters to you

Comparing yourself to others is not a bad thing in itself. This is a natural human habit that sometimes helps us to be more conscious. When you draw parallels, you may realize that you have outgrown your current relationship or your priorities have changed.

But comparison steals the joy. When we get caught up in the thoughts of “what if...”, “I wish...”, or “why wouldn’t I...”, we set ourselves up for dissatisfaction that might not be there.

It's completely normal to want something. But sometimes we want what we can’t get, or what others have, but for us these are unnecessary and superficial desires. For example, the desire to buy a new car just because your neighbors have updated theirs. Or a desire to change your relationship because it doesn't fit with pop culture's idea of ​​what it should be like. real love.

There are probably some gaps in your relationship. But how important is it really to fill them out? How important is it that your tastes coincide in everything or that you and your partner kiss as passionately in the park as couples in TV series? When you understand what truly matters to you, you will stop paying attention to unimportant little things.

Unfollow accounts that cause complexes

You won't be able to avoid your loved ones just because you're jealous of their relationships. But when it comes to popular bloggers, that is, complete strangers on the Internet, or even casual acquaintances, don’t be afraid to cut ties. This doesn't mean you need anything from them. unsubscribe and block, although if comparison is particularly difficult for you, it may be worth doing just that. The point is to better understand how certain content makes you feel and adjust your habits accordingly.

If a couple is a trigger for you, don't scroll through their happy engagement photo shoot right after a fight with you. partner or turn off notifications and don’t look at their account for a week, month or as long as you like comfortable. Think of it as a helpful personal boundary that helps keep you from slipping into the abyss.

Talk to your partner

If you feel that something is missing in the relationship or that your partner is not meeting your needs, talk about it. Our ideas about the ideal union change over time: what you wanted in the first year of a relationship is probably different from what you want in the fifth. Perhaps you were previously indifferent to flowers, but now you wouldn’t mind receiving bouquets or other signs of attention. Or are you ready to experiment with open relationship, although we had never thought about them before.

It is very important to communicate effectively and not blame your partner for your unhappiness. Try to speak in the first person. For example: “I can’t help but feel like you don’t value me” instead of “You don’t bring me coffee in the morning, but in my feed...”.

A conversation will not necessarily protect you from separation if your opinions with your partner differ radically. The point is that you spend your time and energy trying to improve the current situation, not endlessly scroll through thoughts, which would be better.

There is no such thing as an ideal relationship. Remember? Focus on your life and your partner. After all, if your romance was as wonderful as a fairy tale, you'd probably get bored pretty quickly.