What to do if your partner constantly talks about another person

If in any conversation, regardless of the topic, your partner almost always mentions the same person, this is not necessarily a dangerous signal. Context and motivation matter, and in the end it may not be a problem, but just an annoying habit.

Why can a partner talk about another person all the time?

The simple explanation is that the partner, for some reason, is constantly thinking about someone who has somehow captured his attention. Here it is important to understand who this person is and why thoughts about him are so firmly entrenched in the head of your boyfriend or your girlfriend. The names of colleagues, close friends or family members with whom the partner spends a lot of time may often come up in conversations, and this is natural.

But if the person you're constantly talking about doesn't fall into one of these categories, and your partner constantly talks about his positive qualities and habits, he may be trying to

change imperceptibly your behavior. For example, if a girl constantly mentions her friend whose boyfriend does the grocery shopping and cooks dinners, this could be an attempt to hint that she would like the same from her partner. However, this method of influence rarely leads to the desired result. It's better to be honest about what's bothering you.

What does this mean for relationships?

First of all, this provokes conflicts because we begin to make assumptions about what is going on in our partner’s head. But the reality is very different depending on the context and motivation. When a guy constantly mentions how great his Mother, this could just be a slightly annoying habit, or maybe a veiled attempt to motivate the girl to become like her.

In addition, constantly mentioning someone can aggravate existing problems in relationships, related to how much you trust your partner and how confident you feel around him. Therefore, it is important to understand what exactly you experience when he talks about another person. For example, if your partner’s words make you feel jealousy, this may indicate that you do not fully trust him, and you need to understand where this problem came from. Especially if you are embarrassed by the frequent mention of even people like your best friend or grandmother.

Of course, jealousy most often appears if the person the partner constantly thinks about is an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. However, this does not mean that he continues to experience some feelings, wants to leave you or is cheating on you. This way the partner can grieve about past relationships, especially if they ended very recently. Or he wants something in your relationship with him now that he had then. For example, they traveled often and he misses that lifestyle.

However, before drawing any conclusions, it is necessary to collect evidence and thoroughly understand the situation. Start with the simplest explanation, and only then move on to more confusing and complex ones. If a partner talks about another person, but does not meet him in person and hardly communicates, it's not as dangerous as if they were constantly talking and spending time together, which is more alarm signal.

How to behave when your partner constantly mentions someone

Instead of wondering why your partner talks about someone so often and what he thinks about him, ask about everything directly and discuss the situation honestly.

First, find out whether your partner even notices that he constantly mentions the same person in your conversations. For example: “I think you talk about this person a lot and it makes me a little upset” or “I'm worried about this situation. Please help me understand why this person can’t get out of your head.”

Tell your partner about your experiences. To do this, it is better to use constructions with the pronoun “I”: “I’m upset” instead of “You upset me.” When your partner endlessly brings up one of your exes, explain that you don’t like the comparison and that it makes you feel awkward, jealous, or other feelings. If your partner respects you and your emotions, he will stop talking about the other person all the time.

However, it is important to maintain realistic expectations. If your partner constantly mentions a colleague, and you ask him every evening how his day was, then you can hardly expect that you will not hear a name that annoys you.