8 types of personal boundaries that are important to set in relationships with others
Miscellaneous / / September 10, 2023
At first it will bring discomfort, but in the long run it will be beneficial.
Many people find it difficult to set personal boundaries. Especially if they grew up in a dysfunctional family where they didn’t even think about it. That is why they cannot determine their limits - they simply never had the opportunity to do so.
Setting boundaries starts with thinking about what things irritate you or make you feel uncomfortable. Some people find it unpleasant to discuss certain topics, such as politics or religion. Some people don’t like to communicate with strangers and can’t stand it when strangers touch them. In general, there are a few basic categories of personal boundaries that you should set first if you've never done so before.
What types of personal boundaries exist?
1. Physical
These are the boundaries of your body and the permissible limit of touching it. They depend, for example, on whether you feel comfortable being hugged, shaking your hand, patting you on the shoulder, or having someone pick up your child or pet.
2. Material
They refer to your home, its space and the personal belongings in it. Perhaps you are not ready to give your tablet to someone, you do not like unannounced visits from friends and relatives, or having guests over for several overnight stays in a row.
3. Spiritual
This type of personal boundaries is related to religion: how calmly you can discuss your attitude towards it, how Do you accept attempts to convert you to any faith, do you allow intolerance in your family, and so on? Further.
4. Emotional
This is the framework of what you are comfortable discussing with other people and what you want to share with them when speak about your feelings or tell your personal story.
5. Temporary
They separate everything that you are willing to spend your time on. Many find it difficult to install them due to social pressure and other people's expectations. But this type of personal boundaries is very important, for example, when it comes to where and how to spend a vacation or celebrate an important event.
6. Sexual
They define a range of issues that relate to different aspects of sex: from erogenous zones to sexual identity. When you are respectful of maintaining these types of personal boundaries, you are also respectful of your sexuality.
7. Financial
These boundaries relate to where and how you spend your money. For example, you decide to limit the amount of financial support you provide to relatives, or not spend money on a luxurious rest, which they expect from you.
8. Intelligent
They refer to your thoughts and ideas and how understood and respected they are by those around you. For example, can you share your thoughts with your family and will your loved ones accept or not accept them?
How to denote different types of boundaries
Stay soft but steadfast
There is no need to be aggressive, but persistence is necessary. For example: “I wouldn’t like to discuss religion, let’s change the topic. What are your plans for the weekend?"
Be prepared for discomfort
You will inevitably encounter some resistance from others, especially if they are not used to you having personal boundaries. Prepare yourself mentally for this and continue to stand your ground.
Remember that you can only control your behavior
You shouldn’t set boundaries that depend on whether other people respect them. Instead, it's better to set boundaries that depend on how you plan to behave. It's the difference between "You need to end the party at eight because I need to lay down the kids should go to bed” and “I’ll leave the party at eight because the kids have to get up early tomorrow. Thanks for understanding".
Keep growing
It’s never too late to set personal boundaries and learn to defend them. You can be patient with something for many years, but one day you decide that you no longer want to put up with the established order of things, but want to draw a new boundary.
For example, let's say you host a big family dinner every year. But this year you are not ready to buy groceries, stand at the stove for hours, set the table and be the life of the party. And that's okay. Communicate your decision gently and politely - people who truly respect you will also respect your personal boundaries.
What else is useful to know about personal boundaries?🙆♀️🙆♂️
- How to politely but firmly tell others your personal boundaries
- How to talk about personal boundaries in sex and why it's important
- 10 signs that it's time to strengthen personal boundaries