How to Stop Comparing Your Current Body to the Old One

Looking at old photos can be a mixed bag. Happiness when we see pictures from a fun trip with friends. Nostalgia when we flip through school or student photos. And sometimes severe disappointment in myself: “Wow, I had such a flat stomach 10 years ago”, “I had such beautiful skin”, “I can’t even believe that then I ran every day. What happened to me?

Chances are you no longer look like you did 20, 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. Perhaps during this time you had a child or you got rid of eating disorders. Or your metabolism has stopped working as fast as it did during adolescence. Over time, our body matures and changes, and this is normal. Moreover, it is inevitable.

Of course, reconcile and even fall in love excess weight, wrinkles and other changes in appearance, which our culture considers far from ideal, is very difficult. To do this, you have to work with the toxic attitudes that have taken root in your head. Here's what you can do to feel comfortable in your body.

1. Notice Automatic Negative Thoughts

“I used to be in better shape,” “I was much prettier when I was young.” Sometimes such an internal dialogue occurs automatically, and we do not even notice how rude to ourselves. Would you criticize your friend or parent as harshly? Could you tell them that they looked much more attractive 5 years ago when they were younger? Most likely no.

To get rid of unhealthy self-comparison, you first need to learn to notice it.

It doesn't always come easy. You have to keep track of the moments when you convince yourself that you would be cuter if you looked, for example, like you were in your 20s. The next time you begin to humiliate yourself in this way, remember that such thoughts are just superficial, preconceived and sometimes distorted feelings that arise from self-doubtbut they have nothing to do with reality.

You don't have to fight your inner critic. Instead, practice thoughtful mindfulness: notice your thoughts and decide meaningfully that you will not let useless and irrational criticism hurt your self-esteem. Instead of looking in the mirror and sighing over your saggy skin, say to yourself, “Yes, my skin is no longer as firm as it used to be. But it's perfectly normal for my age and does not make me less valuable or attractive person. The more often you argue with a nasty inner voice, the easier it will be to rein it in.

2. Rethink your relationship with your body

Stretch marks or a big belly make you feel like you're no longer attractive. And such a sense of self is not at all your fault: we live in a society that is obsessed with thinness and broadcasts it as the norm.

Self-acceptance is much easier in theory than in practice. Especially for those of us who have spent most of our lives trying to fit into unrealistic beauty standards. It is impossible to force yourself to love every inch of your own body. However, you can improve your attitude towards him. It is enough to treat physical changes as a natural and inevitable part of life, and not as problems that need to be corrected.

But what does it look like in practice? Let's go back to the example with stretch marks. They may be visible signs that you have changed in size. However, if you are a mother, they also serve as a reminder of the wonderful life that was born inside you. And the wrinkles around the eyes and mouth? Of course, this is a companion of aging. But also proof that you smiled and laughed a lot, despite the difficulties. Being overweight can be a result of being healthier and happier now, as opposed to being painfully thin in times of nutritional problems.

Whatever your physical changes mean, the point is to see them for what they are: signs that you have lived and developed, not a sign that your value has declined. This approach will help make self-comparison more realistic and controllable.

3. Write down what you like about yourself

Love yourself. The advice may seem trite and of little use, especially when you are constantly nostalgic about how you looked before. However, one of the studies showedthat if you write down the qualities that you like about yourself (just write down, and not just think about them), then you can make bouts of self-doubt less destructive for self-esteem.

Perhaps you like your eyebrows or legs. But this is not too important: try not to get hung up on appearance. Instead, think of qualities that are not so strongly associated with her. For example, you can write something like this: “I no longer look the way I used to, but I have great friends and a job that I am proud of.” Or, "I no longer have abs, but I'm in a healthy romantic relationship with someone who loves me for who I am."

By viewing these recordings, you will gain a new secret weapon to combat annoying and negative thoughts about your body. This exercise will help you develop a healthier and more positive vision of oneself.

4. Think about your inner child or future version of yourself.

Another effective exercise to pump up a good attitude towards yourself is to appeal to your inner child or your cute older version.

Hang your childhood photo next to a mirror or put it on your phone screensaver. It will remind you that such an adorable child doesn't deserve rude words about your appearance and figure, which means you don’t deserve them either.

If you're not a fan of these methods, another option might work for you: Imagine yourself in your 80s or 90s, after you've lived a long and fulfilling life. Ask yourself: what will be meaningful to you in the last days? Wrinkles and excess weight? Or strong friendships, goals achieved and memorable memories? Most likely the second.

5. Stop looking at old photos

This applies to photos on social networks and the gallery on the phone. Of course sometimes reminisce about the past Nice. But if you are constantly looking for confirmation of how much better your body used to be, this is a destructive habit.

If you're someone who constantly zooms in on your belly, face, arms, or legs, try looking at the whole picture. This is how others see you - as a whole person, and not enlarged parts of the body.

If the desire to find fault with your current photos or even make a “was / became” collage is difficult to control, deprive yourself of the opportunity to do it. For example, transfer all the pictures to an external hard drive and put it somewhere far away. You will still have access to the archive, but not instant.

6. Review your circle of contacts and subscriptions in social networks

Despite the fact that you compare yourself with yourself, the desire to look the same as 10 years ago is also provoked by external factors. For example, your friend who constantly complains about her body, or the pressure of society with unrealistic standards of beauty. The same goes for the accounts you follow in social networks.

If your feed consists of photos of bloggers and celebrities, many of whom photoshop their faces and bodies, it's no surprise that you feel like you should look the way you did 10, 20 or 30 years ago.

That is why it is important to expand the circle of communication and interests and include people with very different appearances. This will help reprogram your vision of beauty. Review your subscriptions and balance them - let there be characters of various ages and sizes. There are a lot of amazing people around who are changing and growing with all of us.

It is important to define these boundaries in real life as well. try communicate less with friends and relatives who discuss other people's bodies and give rise to complexes in you. Hold on to those who love you not for looks.

Of course, it is far from always possible to stop communicating with unpleasant people. Therefore, it is important to learn how to perceive their comments so that they do not become triggers. For example, changing the subject or honestly explaining why you don't like their criticism.

7. Sort out your wardrobe

It's hard to focus on the present when old jeans cut into your hips, reminiscent of the old days. Wear only things that fit you and that you feel comfortable. The rest can be donated to charity. If you can afford it, buy some new clothes that will delight and decorate you.

Even if you actively use these recommendations, you will still have bad days when you fall back into the toxic trap of comparisons. This happens to most of us.

The fact that you associate your worth with how you look is just the result of brainwashing and standards imposed by society. In fact, your value lies in your character, sense of humor, kindness and favorite hobbies. In what makes you an individual.