What to do if your partner threatens to hurt yourself during a breakup

When a partner declares that he will harm himself or even kill himself if you end the relationship, the breakup turns into a real drama. Sometimes a person can use threats as a blackmailing tool to keep you, and sometimes there is real danger behind them. However, different situations require different approaches. In order to understand everything and decide how best to proceed, psychologists recommend doing the following.

Take care of your own safety

Declarations of intent to harm oneself in parting are often used as a way to prevent a partner from leaving. This is especially common in an abusive relationship. But if you fall into the trap of such manipulations, you will not help the person. In fact, you will only increase the likelihood that he will continue to resort to threats to get his way.

First of all, you should take care of yourself, not your ex. You need to be as far away from the abuser as possible, for example, move out if you live together. You can also contact his loved ones and let them know what's going on so they can keep him safe. Experts advise against trying to stop a person from harming themselves on your own, otherwise you risk being in danger.

You should remember that everything that is already happening and what can happen after you put your health and safety first is not your fault. You do not deserve physical or emotional abuse or coercive control. You deserve freedom from manipulation of any kind.

The thought that a loved one will hurt themselves because of breaking up with you can be frightening, cause depression and stress. You don't have to deal with them alone. Feel free to seek help from specialists or rely on loved ones to get support and stop being a hostage to other people's threats.

Encourage your partner to ask for help

The best thing you can do for a partner who is unable to recover on their own after a breakup is to push them in the right direction. Tell him how to find a psychologist. Suggest call call the mental health hotline or seek advice from free online service.

Again, remember that you can suggest different options, but you can't and don't have to control whether your partner uses them or not. If an adult doesn't want to ask for help, you won't do it for them. In the end, he is responsible for his own safety, it is not your job to provide it.

Talk about your feelings

During a conversation about parting, not only direct, but also veiled threats can sound hurt yourself. For example: “I don’t know how to live on”, “I can’t live without you”, “If you leave, I can’t imagine what I will do with myself.” If your partner says something similar, let him know how you feel. Say that it is hard for you to hear this and that it is unfair to you. Explain that you are worried about him and therefore want him to seek help.

Resolve communication issues after a breakup

If there was no abuse in your relationship, a short time after the breakup, you can check the emotional state of the former partner. Provided that it will be useful for him and psychologically comfortable for you.

In some cases, communication is a must, such as when you have children or share a business. if you need to communicate with a former partner, but you do not want to cross paths with him, try to find someone whom you trust and who can become a mediator, a kind of intermediary between you.

When you have no obligations that would force you to stay in touch, you yourself choose whether to continue communication or not. And you don't have to keep in touch just because a partner threatens to hurt themselves.

Your decision to break up did not arise from scratch, there were serious reasons for that. Remind yourself of them when the going gets tough. After all, relationships are supposed to improve life. And you need to look for people who will give you happiness, hope and a positive attitude.