Why men do not go to a psychologist and how to start doing it

Miscellaneous / by admin / August 16, 2023

Psychology works the same for everyone - don't give up professional help because of outdated stereotypes.

According to survey, held in March 2022, during the previous 12 months, 78% of Russians faced difficulties and experiences that are difficult to endure alone. At the same time, they most often preferred to seek support from family members, friends or loved ones. And only 9% said they go to a psychologist. And women usually do it is three times more common than men.

What prevents men from contacting a psychologist

Same poll showedthat most Russians have never turned to specialists in the field of psychology. Someone does not believe that they can help, and someone believes that in Russia it is simply not customary to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. Moreover, 43% of those who receive professional psychological help hide this fact from everyone except their relatives.

It is even more difficult for men to decide to visit a psychologist due to sociocultural barriersassociated with traditional norms of masculinity. This means that it is difficult for them to talk about their feelings and share their problems, because society requires from them firmness of character, self-confidence, emotional restraint and complete self-control.

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Research They say that men who embrace a traditional ideology may feel guilty and inadequate if they suffer from depression. And generally more negative. relate to psychological help.

Daniil Grachev

Psychologist, author of a telegram channel about the effectiveness of psychotherapy Better results.

The main reason is socialization. Men are told from childhood that they must not show weakness, cope with their problems without the participation of other people, and so on, in order to be “real”. And this message has two implications.

Firstly, when a man has psychological difficulties, it is more difficult for him to admit it, because he seems to be in danger of becoming “wrong” in his own eyes. Secondly, in the context of these ideas, it is more difficult to talk about problems, and even more so to ask for help.

However, men able show vulnerability and seek support from people they trust, such as relatives or friends.

Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

In itself, the decision to go to a psychologist is already a big step, and for men, it’s as if he still has weights on his legs. Turning to a specialist simply does not fit into the stereotype of masculinity, because "feelings, emotions, tears are for girls, not for real men." The opposite opinion has already appeared in the world, and men are allowed to be different, but stereotypes still exist.

Why is it important for men to see a psychologist?

According to a review of scientific papers published from 2000 to 2017, the methods of psychology and psychotherapy equally effective for both women and men.

Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

Anyone, regardless of gender, should be able to get help if they need it. All issues deserve attention.

Psychologists help solve problems effectively by selecting methods and tools that suit a particular person. This can make life much easier and allow you to deal with internal contradictions.

Daniil Grachev

Psychologist.

Unlike women, men are often less likely to turn to friends for support, which is an important factor in reducing stress and preventing the development of mental health problems.

A competent psychologist is able to help a man on two levels at once: to provide the necessary support, and also to teach how to seek help from other people and accept it.

How to start going to a psychologist if you are a man

Formulate a request

First of all, you need to understand what exactly is bothering you and what problem you would like to solve.

Daniil Grachev

Psychologist.

If you feel like you have issues that you can't resolve, it's helpful to reflect on what the best scenario for asking for help would be.

For example, imagine how your life would change, what would be better in it and how you could fill it if you and a psychologist tried to deal with this problem.

Sometimes such thoughts can cause internal resistance. This is normal and natural, as our brains have evolved to protect us from meaningless actions. You may also think that going to a psychologist will make you weak, that you "didn't make it." And this is also normal, because it is important for us to maintain positive ideas about ourselves.

But, as a rule, when we realize that we have some kind of limiting installationsmakes it a little easier for us to make a decision. Especially if we keep in mind how this decision can affect the quality of our lives.

Responsibly approach the search for a specialist

Looking for a psychologist is like hiring a new employee. It will take time and effort to find a person to whom you can open up and who is right for you.

Don't hesitate to reach out to loved ones you trust if you know they're seeing a therapist and seeing progress. Or read on the Internet what other people write about their experience of psychotherapy, and look for a specialist on the thematic online service.

Get the most out of your first session

The main goal of the first meeting is to understand how the chosen psychologist suits you. So don't be afraid to ask questions.

Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

Anxiety about the reception can always be discussed with a specialist, this is also material for work. Try to find someone you feel comfortable with depending on their gender and age, or the format of the sessions they are doing - online or offline.

Be clear about the problem you want to solve with the help of psychotherapy, and ask the psychologist if he has worked with similar requests. So you will understand what kind of experience a specialist has and how much he can help you.

Another useful question is how active the psychologist is during the session. The answer to it will give you an idea of how the specialist works and what will be the dynamics of your relationship with him. For example, if it is difficult for you to immediately start talking frankly about your problems with a stranger, a psychologist who is more active during the session, that is, asks a lot questions and often speaks for himself.

If at the end of the first appointment you at least felt that you and your problems really matter, this is a good sign. But if there is no such feeling, keep looking.

You may want to stick with the first specialist, even if you didn't like him very much. Should not be doing that. Remember that you are investing time, money and energy in psychotherapy, which means that the result should satisfy you.

Don't expect quick results

Society often expects men to always be strong, efficient and successful. Therefore, many come to a psychologist expecting quick and concrete solutions to complex and confusing life situations.

The truth is that the problems did not appear overnight and deal with them in 1-2 sessions will not work. Also, if you are not used to discussing your experiences with others, you may need to a lot of time before you overcome this barrier and feel comfortable communicating with psychologist. Try to think of psychotherapy as a marathon, not a sprint.