How to Seriously Talk to a Friend Who Always Takes Money from You and Never Gives You Back
Miscellaneous / / August 03, 2023
Don't let warm feelings ruin you.
Dinner with a large group, shared taxi rides, borrowing things for a while - freeloaders have many ways to take advantage of your generosity. It would seem that it is easy to stop - you just need to stop communicating with them. But not everything is so simple. Perhaps one of them is an old friend of yours, a neighbor you share a rent with, or a colleague you see every day. In addition, for one reason or another, you may sincerely not want to cut them out of your life, even though they are pulling money out of you.
If you are tired of someone constantly asking you on loan, but never returns debts, here are a few ways to fix the situation.
Start a conversation about money
Money is a sensitive topic, and it can be quite difficult to bring it up. But most of us are not wealthy enough to avoid talking about debt forever for fear of conflict. At some point, you still have to be honest with a friend and explain to him that you are not his bank.
Don't wait for your resentment to reach a breaking point and force you to take out your irritation on a freeloading buddy - start a conversation right now. At the same time, try to give your friend a credit of trust. Proceed from the assumption that he does not consciously use everything at your expense, but simply for some reason does not notice this behind him.
Also not worth it shame friend and mumble, "You never pay your half of the bill." It’s better to say: “We ate in a cafe yesterday, and I paid for you. Can you give me my money back today?" The first example sounds passive-aggressive, the second one has a clear message and fair expectations.
Further, if your relationship allows, you can move on to a deeper discussion of the problem and find the reason for the friend's behavior. Perhaps he is now in a difficult financial situation or in childhood he was not taught how to handle money. If you get to this level of honesty, you will help your friend change or at least acknowledge what is happening.
Find out more😕
- Why questions about money cause discomfort and how to answer them
Be clear about your expectations
After you identify the problem, offer a solution. Talking about money is essentially talking about personal boundaries, and the first step to being respected by those around you is to be clear about them.
For example, the next time you go out to dinner with a friend, be sure to agree at the beginning that everyone pays for himself. Or, if he often takes your car and expects that he can do it at any time, let him know that such an arrangement no longer suits you and he needs to look for an alternative.
Try to warn about such things in advance so that the friend does not feel that you are attacking him and begin to challenge your boundaries.
Gather Evidence
If you're worried that a friend will become defensive, prepare concrete evidence. For example, view your payment history in a bank application and highlight a few times you paid for it at the movies or in a taxi. This will show that, even if the friend is not aware of his behavior, you keep an eye on your budget and set boundaries so that it stops draining your finances.
Stand your ground
When you share your expectations with a friend, be prepared to stand firm and keep your word. You no longer lend him money, pay for him at the bar, and exploit the loopholes by which shunned direct refusal. Make it clear that your "no" is more important than your budget because it's about your relationship and the boundaries you set.
You may worry about how a firm rejection will affect your friendship. But if you are reading this article, your patience is probably running out. And the behavior of a freeloader in the long run will harm your communication more than an open discussion of boundaries. Ultimately, the only way to change how a friend feels about your money is to change how you react to his requests and expectations.
Read also🧐
- How to stop being jealous of your friend for his other friends
- How to lend money to a family member without ruining the relationship
- How to talk to friends and not spoil their mood