What is love bombing and why is it a red flag for starting a relationship

What is Love Bombing and Why is it Dangerous?

Lovebombing is a tracing paper from English, which translates as "bombing with love." This term refers to the phenomenon when a person literally showers another with compliments, confessions, gifts, and other manifestations of affection. It seems to sound good. But it can also be a harbinger of big problems.

Relationships develop gradually and are a plus or minus equal exchange of time, attention and other resources. If one person throws down all possible signs of sympathy on another on a grand scale, often (though not always) this becomes the preparation of the ground for manipulation.

Lovebombing literally provokes a situation where attention becomes uncomfortable, it is impossible to breathe. At the same time, the victim of love bombing feels loved, unique, unique. And obligated, because relationships imply reciprocity. What the manipulator will use. It is easier to spin an injured person into some kind of action, because this is the least that he can do compared to what his partner gives him.

Lovebombing is often used, for example, by scammers on dating sites. This approach allows you to steal money. A random person is unlikely to want to transfer their savings. But if the victim believed that this is a soul mate, that this is a serious relationship, then she is more will decisively give back what he has accumulated in order to help his beloved in trouble or participate in his financial adventure.

But fraud may not be the worst thing to face. The attacker will take only money. Lovebombing could be a harbinger abuse. A person envelops with signs of love like a cobweb, makes himself ideal in the eyes of the victim. She begins to really think that this is an impeccable relationship. And then she herself will be ready to put herself on their altar, to forgive and do a lot.

The danger here is that no one is safe from falling into the love bomber's net.

What are the characteristics of lovebombing?

A man immediately confesses his love

Of course, it happens that people are very fond of each other at first sight. But love bombing is a very intense confession. A person speaks of strong sympathy even at the stage when he does not know anything about the interlocutor, constantly emphasizes his feelings, reports that you soul matesthat life was divided into before and after, that you will never have this again, and so on.

Such words can be pleasant to hear, even if they cause discomfort. After all, people like to feel alone and loved. But if you look at the situation with a sober look, it is obvious that the partners still need time to get to know each other. Otherwise, you can fall in love with a picture or a projection of what you have come up with in your head, and this no longer bode well. Because then it turns out that the object of adoration is another, actually a living person.

But it can also set the stage for manipulation and reinforce the importance of the relationship. As long as they have an incomprehensible status, the victim is not sufficiently involved. But if you immediately transfer them to the level of the only unique love, then the interlocutor may feel obliged to conform to the ideas of the lover or do somethingwhat he asks.

You are being told the "right" things

Sometimes, the interlocutor seems impeccable. He tells about himself what you want to hear. Can't believe how perfect he is! But it’s just not worth it to rush to believe: analyze whether he speaks from himself or simply answers your questions. requests.

Finding out what a person is waiting for is not so difficult. For example, a lovebomber might ask questions first. Let's say he asks what kind of relationship you want. And after a while he shares that he is striving for just such. Sometimes desires can be found out by studying social networks. Let's say on the guy's page it constantly slips that women are now mercantile. And the girl tells stories about her friends who are greedy for men with expensive cars, but she is not like that. He says that he dreams of simple happiness with a sweetheart in a hut.

Lovebomber follows a pattern

This seems to contradict the previous point, but it is not. Lovebomber is really good at hearing information that can be used to your advantage. For example, about expectations from a partner. But he is not very interested in personality. Compliments will mostly be on duty, words will be universal. If you look closely, it becomes clear that in the phrases there is not a word about the addressee, they are suitable for anyone. For a lovebomber, quantity is more important than quality.

Man showing amazing jealousy

The interlocutor does not seem to tolerate the fact that you have any life apart from him. He immediately demands to report where you are and with whom, and also suffers incredibly from the thought that you are not serious enough about him, and so on. Such behavior, even if we are talking about already established relationships, is not entirely normal, since people have interests outside of the couple. At the initial stage of interaction, this should alert at all.

First, all-consuming jealousy - a good way to isolate a person from his social circle. If you succumb to this trick, it will be easier not to meet friends, to spend less time away from home, than to relive the attack again and again and “hurt” your partner. And the more the victim is cut off from others, the easier it is to manipulate, she has no one to turn to for help. Secondly, it nurtures a sense of guilt in a person, and he will do more, try better to make amends for his wrongdoing. Which actually didn't exist.

You are required to provide personal information

When two people get to know each other and feel mutual sympathy, it is logical to want to know more about each other. It’s not just in romantic relationships that this happens: people find out what they have in common and how they differ. But it is worth becoming more suspicious if the interlocutor immediately tries to go too far into personal territory. For example, offers to exchange deep secrets or information that makes you vulnerable. Everything has its time. With a normal rapprochement, you will come to this sooner or later, but at the stage when the relationship is already getting deeper and telling something very personal will be taken for granted.

If it's inappropriate for now, the lovebomber may elicit details to artificially heighten feelings of affection on your part: “We've said things to each other, we're really close. He shared his secrets with me, I'm truly unique to him." And your data can later be used for manipulation and blackmail.

A person is waiting for an answer to his every gesture

The lovebomber doesn't necessarily act with words, but you literally feel like you have to do something. For example, the interlocutor has already confessed his love to you eight times, and you feel that you are obliged to answer the same, even if you yourself are far from it. However, often manipulator asks for an immediate response. For example, he says: “I feel that you are my soul mate. Do you feel the same way?" or “I missed you so much, couldn’t wait until the morning to write to you again. And you?"

He reacts violently to any of your doubts.

Let's say the victim of the love bomber knows how to listen to himself and does not ignore discomfort. Therefore, he finds the strength to say: “Slow down, we know each other nothing at all, don’t you think it’s too early for passionate confessions, or common housing, or a trip to the registry office? In response, a person will receive a violent manifestation of anger: how dare he doubt after what for him done? The response is usually very emotional and frightening. (And here it is best to be scared and leave.)

What to do to avoid becoming a victim of a love bomber

Just ending a relationship if someone is showing too many signs of attention is probably not worth it. Unless, of course, you are also interested. You never know, suddenly a person is really very carried away and is afraid of losing you.

To assess the situation, try the following.

Consider how comfortable you are

listen to sensations. If the relationship seems unbelievably good, it probably is. Often, when we get love bombed, we feel like something is going wrong. If only because we are not yet ready to reciprocate. But we attribute this to the fact that people are different, and a person does not do anything wrong. So excessive ardor is something that you can easily turn a blind eye to. But if you're uncomfortable, that's enough to keep you out of the game. First of all, you must trust yourself, not what you are told.

Set boundaries

Suppose a partner goes too far, but does it out of good intentions. This can be tested by openly saying that you are uncomfortable, that you are not ready to respond symmetrically yet, and that in general everything is developing too quickly. If everything is in order, the person will go forward. Lovebomber will get angry, try to cause guilt, shame, convince that this something is wrong with you.

Check if there is feedback

It is important not only how a person reacts to direct requests to hold their horses. It would not be superfluous to also analyze how many of you are actually in these relations. How much the partner is interested in your life and desires, how much he hears you, and does not act according to the template. Also remind yourself, "This person doesn't know me." Because it is so, no matter how much he says, that you are kindred spirits and have known each other for hundreds of years.

Understand what is required of you

A genuinely passionate person says and does things because they want to. The Lovebomber, on the other hand, often wants something from you. Therefore, try to understand if any actions are required from you that are not close to you. It can be anything from the desire to send a candid selfie to a meeting when you are not in the mood for it.

Analyze what is happening to your former life

Relationships should enrich your existing life, not crowd it out. Of course, at the initial stage, some inevitable merger occurs in the pair, and everything else is relegated to the background. But ideally, your interests and previous important contacts should be preserved.