“I can just drop out of the week and think that today is not Monday, but Saturday”: a column on how to live with ADHD
Miscellaneous / / July 02, 2023
Many problems can be dealt with on your own. But without the help of others is still not enough.
At 40, I was diagnosed with ADHD. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that has two sets of symptoms: attention problems and impulsivity or hyperactivity. About how to live with this diagnosis in adulthood, I will tell below.
“It seemed to me that I was just forgetful, impulsive”
As a child, the attention of others was very important to me, but at the same time I was not a naughty child. Here, probably, the fact that my father was a military man played a role, and he gave me the appropriate upbringing. I could endure, overcome myself. Although sitting for 45 minutes in class was sometimes unbearable.
I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as an adult. It was discovered, let's say, by accident. I went through a period of severe depression and went to a psychotherapist. The treatment began to help, but then anxiety, forgetfulness, and a feeling of lack of control over at least something appeared. I thought all this was just character traits, but I was mistaken.
At some point, the therapist suggested that I had ADHD, and redirected me to a specialist who deals with this issue. We talked very closely with him - about childhood and not only. At the end, he said that I had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
It seemed to me that I was just forgetful, impulsive. And it turned out to be easier to think so than to understand that I already have a congenital disorder that I had not known about for more than 30 years.
“I can’t sit still - I need to twitch my leg”
If we evaluate what is more in me - attention deficit or impulsiveness and hyperactivity, then, probably, the first one wins. But there is also impulsiveness. I can't sit still: I have to twitch my leg, I fidget a lot. But, probably, by the age of 40, something has already been corrected - thanks to upbringing and life experience.
Living with ADHD has its costs. Forgetfulness in the foreground. I can get stuck on some thought or some activity and just get lost... Or reply to a message in Telegram and forget what I did before. I need an effort to remember this. I just got out of some task and lost it.
It is very difficult to switch between different types of activities, to break away from what can fascinate, and stop thinking about it.
You can interrupt the process itself, but in your head it will still continue.
And at first I am very fond of something, and then I stop liking it very sharply. And it is very difficult to force yourself to do something that you don’t have a soul for. That is why I often changed jobs.
Before I learned about my diagnosis, the days were divided into those when I could do a lot, and those when I was able to do the least. Sometimes I knew perfectly well that I could not take on anything. Then I solved simple questions, for example, sorted out papers, because I understood that I simply wasn’t enough for something serious. And sometimes it was the other way around, and then I just solved a huge number of problems. As a result, on average, the work was given quite well.
“I learned to deal with some problems”
There are things that I forget - and therefore I put them in the same place and check it before leaving. Shopping is more difficult: here I rely on other people - for example, I ask you to remind your wife. I tell my acquaintances that I can forget about our meeting, and ask them to write or call a few hours in advance.
Because I can just drop out of the week and assume that today is not Monday, but Saturday. Since I do not live according to the usual work schedule, I do not have any connection to the day, and I have a very difficult time with a sense of time.
I write down all the meetings in the calendar and set a reminder about it a day and 2 hours in advance - so that I have time to get to the place. Well, or somehow solve the problem in some other way.
There are other things that I am still learning. For example, take away trash off the table as soon as I noticed it. Otherwise, it then disappears from view. And so it is with many small things. It is better to do them now, and not to postpone, because later they are simply lost.
Well, the most important thing is to speak everything. This helps to cope with stress.
When you forget about a meeting with a friend or some important thing that you promised to do to a loved one, you feel very hard, there is a feeling of guilt. But if you warn that this happens to you, and he knows about this feature, it’s easier for both of you. He understands that this is not about disrespectful attitude - just such a feature.
"We need help here"
Others can help people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. If we are talking about children, it is important to support and develop their interests. I speak based on my experience: I graduated from primary and secondary classes at 4 and 5. But when they stopped working closely with me, paying attention and reinforcing my successes, my studies abruptly went into a peak, and so it was in everything.
If someone supported my interest in a case, I instantly took a great interest in it and did it well, and for quite a long time. But when a person with ADHD is left alone, it is very easy to lose control.
People with this syndrome need help with schedules. At a regular job, I understood that I came to the office, where I had to solve problems. But in freelancing, it was very difficult for me to control myself, because I tried sort things out, which is convenient for me, but it did not work out very well.
I either set tasks for myself at times when I could not deal with them, or imposed several tasks for one period, since I could not calculate how much time it would take for each of them.
And here the help of others is needed: they can control time and some processes, provide emotional support.
If something does not work out, say: it happens, wait, rest a little, switch, sit down for it again.
With ADHD, self-criticism develops very strongly, because it is very easy to find a problem in yourself. Get stronger in the idea that you are not like everyone else, and then start telling yourself that you always do it wrong or always break, always make mistakes. And it quickly turns into some kind of stressful situation. As far as I know, ADHD and depression close enough, because one easily leads to the other.
It is clear that a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can make some terrible mistakes, but everything can be solved. And if you help him structure, support, and not let him fall into a feeling of guilt, he can be really effective.
If you want to learn more about ADHD, listen to the new season of the Naked Heart Foundation podcast, Inclusion and Life. In seven episodes, experts from the foundation, as well as psychiatrist Anna Portnova, pediatrician Sergei Butriy and many others discussed the causes of this disorder, methods of treatment and personal experience of those who have to deal with it live.
You can listen to the podcast on the platforms Apple Podcast, Yandex. Music, YouTube, cast box And Sberzvuk.
Read also🧐
- “I just lay at home and mentally crawled towards the cemetery”: what is it like to live with obsessive-phobic disorder
- The 10 Most Stressful Events in Life and How to Cope with Them
- “I was told that demons are sitting in my body”: a story about how to live with schizophrenia