How to stop running away from problems and finally take action
Miscellaneous / / June 29, 2023
Each of us at least once in our lives avoided difficult and unpleasant things - postponing training, avoiding a serious conversation, dodging household chores, rescheduling a work meeting. It is natural to resist anything that is outside of our comfort zone. But the constant “hide and seek” with difficulties quickly turns into a vicious circle and threatens with unfortunate consequences, including missed deadlines, low productivity and high stress levels. If you are familiar with all this, you may be using a coping strategy of avoidance.
What is coping avoidance strategy
It's kind coping strategies, aimed at regulating emotions, which allows you to cope with internal and external sources of stress - from minor inconveniences to serious events. Coping strategy of avoidance counts inappropriate behavioral response to excessive fear and anxiety.
This way of adapting to stress is that we deny unpleasant thoughts, feelings or situations. we divert our attention, downplay them, and move away from them instead of trying to deal with them.
Coping strategy of avoidance - natural human reaction. It gives us quick, albeit temporary, relief from stress and discomfort.
Avoiding stressful and dangerous situations is an evolutionary survival skill hardwired into our brains. When we face a real risk or threat, avoidance helps us adapt and protect ourselves. For example, if we meet in the forest bear, then we do not try to fight him, but run away or hide.
In today's world, avoidance can also be considered a survival skill because it helps us manage our emotions in short term and temporarily cope with stress, especially if circumstances and problems do not lend themselves to our control. For example, if we are overloaded with work or study, then to cope with stress, we can use such coping strategies of avoidance, such as endless scrolling of the feed in social networks or, conversely, a complete refusal to interact with surrounding.
How dangerous is the coping strategy of avoidance
If you use it constantly, you can get into a vicious circle where you hide from problems, and do not solve them. The process usually starts at the moment when you finally set out to take on the task that you have been putting off. But before you can even begin, the avoidance mechanism kicks in and you redirect your attention to something else. The cycle itself consists of four stages:
- You feel anxious and fearful when faced with a problem or source of stress.
- You are trying to avoid an unpleasant situation, for example by using procrastination.
- There is temporary relief, despite the fact that the problem is not solved.
- You keep using avoidance techniques in similar situations.
The vicious circle of avoidance can be summed up in one sentence: "I need...before I can..." Our brain forms a basic belief about something and certain conditions in which it is “safe” to act. For example:
- "I need silence before I can sort through office documents."
- "I need to buy sports equipment before I can train."
- “I need a perfect CV before I apply for dream job».
If you get into an avoidance cycle, you always have a reason why you can't do something. It doesn't matter how contrived and illogical it is. For some reason, your brain is sure that this is true, and you never doubt it, if you even know about its existence. The coping strategy of avoidance limits us so much because it hides deep within. In most cases, you do not even suspect that you have become its victim.
Why doesn't she work
She doesn't let her solve problems.
Since the coping strategy of avoidance does not address the root cause, the problem persists. For example, if you have a tough work project to tackle and you procrastinate and get distracted avoiding fear and responsibility, the project doesn't disappear. On the contrary, it becomes even more difficult and strenuous due to the impending deadline.
Similarly, avoiding difficult emotions or conflicts can exacerbate problems in personal relationships. If you keep avoiding unpleasant conversations with loved ones, the situation only gets worse.
It increases stress
This kind of coping strategy provides a temporary sense of relief. But gradually the stress returns because the problem remains unresolved. Take the example of a heavy work project. At first everything is fine and calm: it seems to you that time a lot, you can be distracted by social networks and think about everything tomorrow. But every day the tension grows, because the deadlines are approaching, and you have not done anything yet.
Thus, the coping strategy of avoidance slowly but surely turns problems into a huge snowball that causes more stress and make you feel worse. Research showthat people who use avoidance coping strategies less happy and are healthy and more prone to anxiety and depression.
It lowers self-esteem
When a person regularly avoids problems and responsibilities, they can develop feelings of guilt and shame for not being able to perform their duties and for marking time. As a result falls self-esteem and negative installations, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I can't do it."
Because the root causes of problems are not addressed, a person caught in a vicious circle of avoidance often fails to fulfills commitments and faces challenges in a variety of areas, including career, health, and personal life. This further reduces self-esteem and undermines self-esteem.
How to reverse your coping avoidance strategy
Set a goal
Think about what you want to achieve and then think about the first three steps you need to take to get there. For example, if you want to start running, the actions would be: buy sneakers and sportswear, lay a route near the house, schedule jogging.
Identify Obstacles
Write down what is preventing you from doing each of these three steps using templates "I need...before I can..." or "I can not now…". For example:
- “I need the perfect pair of running shoes before I can run.”
- "I can't start running until I find a good route."
- "I can't start running until I have time to schedule my workouts."
Don't worry if you end up with too many of these phrases. The bigger, the better.
Turn obstacles into opportunities
This is the key to getting out of the vicious circle of avoidance. You need to change the wording so that the rationale for your inaction becomes a statement of opportunity. It looks like this: “All I need is… and I can start…”. For example: “All I need is to buy running shoes at the nearest store, and I can start running today.”
The power of the opportunity statement is that it shows you how to take the first step. You don't need to have a detailed plan to act, you just need to start moving forward. The first obstacle usually turns out to be an illusion, and once you get to grips with the issue, you will understand what to do next.
What to do if you can't manage on your own
If you've tried several times with no success, or if the cycle of avoidance causes you anxiety and makes you feel overwhelmed to the point that it interferes with daily life, it is worth contacting To psychologist.
Perhaps the reason is related to the peculiarities of the mental and emotional state, which means that the help of a professional is required. He will figure out why you are turning to the coping strategy of avoidance and find ways that are more suitable for you, which will allow you to effectively cope with problems and respond to sources of stress.
Read also🧐
- How to Stop Being a Victim and Learn to Cope with Problems
- Solomon's paradox: why it's easier to solve other people's problems than your own
- 24 professional thinking tools to help solve any problem