The patriarchy is not to blame. Is it true that women want to do all the housework themselves?

Gradually, men begin to spend more time on household chores. But the gender gap is still quite dramatic, everywhere. For example, an American study showsthat women do the bulk of the work, even if they are the main breadwinner.

In Russia, according to the latest data, women spend an average of 6 hours a day for household chores, in addition to the main work - about twice as much as men. These activities include not only household chores, but also caring for children, elderly relatives, and so on. At the same time, men are more engaged in paid work, but only for 40 minutes a day. The dokovidnye data of the International Labor Organization are somewhat different. According to her information, both sexes spend less on housework: 4 hours 25 minutes a day for women, 1 hour 23 minutes for men. But the difference is even more impressive. Of course, these are average values, in some families things can be distributed fairly, in others life falls entirely on the shoulders of one person. But we're talking about a trend.

And often in conversations about such a distribution of responsibilities, an argument pops up: maybe it’s not about gender inequality at all and patriarchy? Maybe women themselves create problems for themselves from scratch? What can you do there for so long? Moreover, thanks to technology, many processes are automated. And some things you don't have to do at all. For example, ironing duvet covers and scrubbing the tiles in the bathroom every week - is it really necessary.

Maybe women just want it all themselves? Let's try to figure it out.

Women are held to different standards.

It is believed that women spend precious time scrubbing bathroom tiles and dusting because they are generally more prone to cleanliness. Research shows that this is not the case. For example, in one of them the scientists showed men and women photographs of various rooms and offered to rate how dirty it was and how urgently it needed to be cleaned. There was practically no difference, the men just as well noticed the mess.

Respondents were also asked who should clean the room at different inputs. For example, if a single woman lived in it, the subjects more often believed that she did it herself. In the case of men, they were more likely to believe that clean up incoming staff must. If, according to legend, a couple lived in a room, then household chores were more often shifted to a woman. Moreover, this was observed in respondents of both sexes.

The sex of the conditional host influenced how the participants perceived its moral qualities and the importance of disorder. Women with a relatively clean room were perceived as less tidy and even less moral than men if they were residents of exactly the same room. Although in the case of the dirty room everyone got it, just for different reasons. More precisely, different cultural stereotypes. Men were said to be generally sloppy and lazy, and women were said to be not as clean as they should be.

In general, the results of the study are interesting, but certainly not shocking. At the household level, you can come to them simply by looking at how women and men grow up. It’s easy to imagine how mom comes in and throws up her hands: “What a mess you have on the table, how can you, you’re a girl!” And it's hard to imagine the same phrase with the wording "You're a boy." ("You're a boy" is also commonly used, but in different contexts. Also nothing good, but this is not about that now.) “The toilet is the face of the hostess” - but not the owner. Even if a couple lives in an apartment, the oppression of social condemnation will fall not on a man, but on a woman. And the study we talked about above confirms this. Moreover, of the two partners, the man often turns out to be more demanding on cleanliness, but he will achieve this with the wrong hands, often with the help of the same gender manipulation.

But it's not just about household chores. Women are also more likely to be expected to take care of elderly relatives, even if they are close partners. Same story with kids. And if with tiny babies this still has a rationale - no one has canceled breastfeeding, then with older adults this is not so obvious. Although if something happens to a child in schoolThey usually call their mother.

This context allows us to conclude that indeed women themselves make higher demands on themselves in matters of cleanliness of the home and other household chores. But not because they sincerely want it. But because people are social creatures, and approval is important to us. Many women feel compelled to live up to high standards. No matter a speck of dust, otherwise the girl is wrong. And getting out of the framework that society has established is not so easy.

Women are more aware of the amount of household work

Now let's move to the point in the discussion where a person, usually a man, says, “I do the same thing in half an hour. How can you stay there for so long?” And here we need fast one of these speakers, which can be considered average. Let's take a look at what's wrong here.

For some reason, in such comparisons, the situation is always used when a person lives alone. But women who live alone also rarely complain about everyday life. If only because in this case it is easy to remove the social component from the equation. You just don’t invite anyone to your place - and even if you grow dirt under the ceiling, no one will say a bad word to you. The amount of work during life in loneliness and paired in many processes is different. Cutting twice as many products, hanging up a double portion of laundry is longer. Plus, often one person takes on managerial functions to remember who runs out of shampoo, whether there is buckwheat at home, and so on, which also requires strength. Finally, with average Russian salaries, the organization of everyday life is also a lot of work in the distribution of finances. For example, a steak with a salad of vegetables really cooks quickly. But few people make money to eat a steak every day. And figuring out how to cook ten dishes from one chicken is quite a job.

Which brings us smoothly to the continuation of the post.

Here we plunge into the world of fantasy. Bed linen can be changed in 3 minutes, only if you sleep on the sofa and cover yourself “like a train”, that is, without inserting a blanket into a duvet cover. By the time of washing, too, questions. Taking into account everyday clothes and bed linen, this is already at least two loads. With more stringent hygiene requirements, towels and underwear can be washed separately, which already brings us to four approaches to the washing machine. Wipe dust in 3-4 minutes it is possible on visible surfaces, but there are also cabinets, sockets, switches, upper surfaces of doors... This is important not for beauty, but for health, and dust tends to accumulate on all horizontal surfaces, regardless of whether it is visible or not. Everyone can do the rest of the mental exercises according to calculations on their own, for example, during a five-minute trip to the store.

Plus, even a cursory glance at the list allows you to see that many positions are not there. For example, washing all the same plumbing, although the author claims in the comments below that he does this regularly. Which, however, means that in the calculations he was already mistaken.

For the average woman, it would be much longer, because she has a better idea of ​​all the work involved in keeping the house in order (in the broadest sense) in the long run. But the point is not that this knowledge is transmitted along with a set of XX chromosomes. This brought up.

Girls are attracted to everyday life earlier. Yes, their make you clean more oftenthan boys. As a result, girls get the knowledge that cleaning is their area of ​​responsibility. Boys - that someone else will clean up for them. And Spartan life is a temporary inconvenience between mother and wife.

If a woman won't, maybe no one will

With fantasies about time, we figured it out. And there is also the result of homework. Is it possible to live like the author of the post above describes? Of course, who will forbid. But many will not be satisfied with washing bed linen with street jeans (especially if it is white and the pants are black), cooking in a slow cooker according to the principle “threw everything, something turned out”, wash floors in 10 minutes, which rather means "to tinker with a rag in prominent places." And it often happens that a man is content with such conditions while he lives alone, but his requirements for comfort suddenly increase when he moves in with a woman. At the same time, he also spent little time on household chores, which means that it will be easy for her.

Moreover, life, as we see, including in the study above, in the minds is still a women's business. It is no coincidence that some men treat household chores as help: “Well, you didn’t say that this should be done, I didn’t.” But activity after reminders cannot be called full participation in the process. It assumes a completed action from the point "remember to do this" to "leave the place in perfect order."

Yes, and requests are often sabotaged - not without malicious intent. For example, in this material collected five such stories.

So indeed, it is often easier for a woman to do everything herself than to remind, control, deal with the consequences of sabotage. Because that's work too.

Women can expect benefits

It should be noted right away that this paragraph does not apply to all women, but mainly to those who accept the rules of gender socialization and tries to match them. In this coordinate system, the “correct” partner is the one who meekly endures all the hardships of everyday life. Such people are often cited as an example: not a speck of dust at home, and a seven-course dinner on the table, and combed children. Does she like it? Maybe you like it. If the "correct, good wife" for her is the pinnacle of socialization, then she does an excellent job with her role.

The nuance is that often a woman goes for it with the expectation that a man will also automatically take on his gender role. And not in its superficial understanding, but in the full sense of the word. For example, it will not just bring some kind of salary, but really provide a high standard of living. True, a man may not know about this, because this deal is implied, but not announced. And quite content with one dish instead of seven.

What is the result

From the side it really sometimes looks as if women themselves want to do everything housework. After all, they seem to voluntarily shoulder this burden on themselves. Not necessarily because they dream about it, but because it is expected of them, because they want to receive social approval and peculiar rewards for complying with “norms”. Or because the girl wants to live in cleanliness and comfort, but no one except her is ready to provide them.

Is everything okay with this? Difficult question for each particular family. If everyone is satisfied, then, perhaps, everything is fine. Women can get satisfaction from this state of affairs, even if they periodically complain. Some people like the feeling that without it, everything would fall apart here. Someone feels comfortable in the state of the victim, which no one appreciates. They don't want to change anything. But that doesn't mean everyone is like that.

By default, it does not follow that if someone does something, then he likes it. These things are better discussed.

How much time do you spend on household chores?