7 types of people who help build resilience and deal with stress

When we talk about constant stress, we rarely mean serious problems, such as being fired. It's usually the little things that get us down: endless emails or having to complete a task we don't enjoy. Rob Cross and Karen Dillon call these microstresses—the countless moments that drain our time, energy, and enthusiasm throughout the day. In his new book they tell you how to effectively deal with this problem and lead a full-fledged work and personal life.

An important part of the fight against microstresses is relationships with others. But our resilience does not depend on loyal friends who will always lend a hand in difficult times. We acquire it in moments when we sincerely interact with a variety of people. In some cases, we need sympathy, but if it becomes too much, we drown in self pity and we can't move on. Other times, we need advice, an outside perspective, or just a chance to laugh at the absurdity of life.

Here are some people who will help you show resilience in moments of microstress.

1. "Cheerleader"

Sometimes, when we are faced with trials, we do not need advice and guidance. We need someone to listen to us, understand and share our experiences. Such support helps to maintain emotional balance and feel cared for.

How to find such a person

• Look for people with similar experiences. Those close to you do not always fully understand what you are going through. Therefore, pay attention to those who have been in your place.
• Support others. Talk less, listen more and don't try to to give advice. It’s better to say: “It even sounds very hard” or “I can imagine how difficult it is for you.”

2. "Mastermind"

Relationships with this type of people help us in two ways: they provide real models for further development and motivate us to develop. "Inspirers" force us to take responsibility for our lives and actions, rather than wallow in self-pity.

People who are more resilient to stress use the ideas of others to create an alternative path to success. If you do the same in moments of microstress, you can avoid turning small experiences into real stress.

How to find such a person

• Associate with determined individuals. "Inspirer" helps you make the right choice, so you need someone from your environment, who can quickly and clearly decisions. Usually these people say such phrases as: "Don't waste your time on this" or "If I were you, I would just go and ask for a raise." Listen to them to achieve your goals.
• Rely on truthful people. They know how to speak the bitter truth in person. Choose a person who you can trust, who will be completely honest with you, and whose opinion you will not dismiss when he starts saying unpleasant things. This will help you look at the situation in a new light and see the big picture.

3. "Dissident"

When faced with obstacles, it is easy to panic. However, one has only to approach from the other side - and the situation no longer seems so hopeless. This broadening of perspective is sometimes referred to as decatastrophization—the opposite of catastrophic thinking. But it takes a lot of cognitive effort, and it's much easier to have someone around to help you take a step back, rethink everything, and put the problem in a larger context.

How to find such a person

• See the world from a different angle. Try to hang out with someone who has nothing to do with your work. One particularly effective piece of advice that "dissidents" can give is the simple message: "Get out of it." They remind us how important it is to stop doing something when we think too much, criticize ourselves, and get stuck in stress.
• Reinforce your values. When microstresses begin to overcome you, try to keep in touch with those who remind you of your main values. It could be someone who doesn't care about your professional accomplishments, but who appreciates your human qualities.

4. "Assistant"

Think back to your last force majeure at work — a sudden request from an important client, a difficult period due to a shortage of people in the team, a serious presentation. How did you get through it?

Most likely, you have sacrificed a lot and made heroic efforts to get a result. But force majeure at work or at home can throw us off balance, depriving us of the feeling control over our lives. A more sustainable approach is to talk about how we need help.

How to find such a person

• Help friends and acquaintances. Don't wait for a crisis to help someone or ask someone for help. Your support can even be as simple as talking about other people and publicly acknowledging their contribution to the common cause.
• Notice people with similar goals. Try to build relationships with those who sincerely want to help you, because they share your aspirations and interests. This doesn't just apply to work. For example, if you have a child who occasionally needs to babysit, you can coordinate with other parents and help each other out as much as possible.

5. "Humorist"

Laughter helps Increase levels of serotonin, the hormone of happiness, and lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. Therefore, jokes and fun are a great defense against microstress. Worth it from the heart laugh - and you will start to think more clearly and creatively and just feel alive.

How to find such a person

• Share humor virtually. When it comes to laughter, even the smallest moments matter. Keep in touch with people who share your sense of humor online and exchange funny pictures to keep each other in a good mood throughout the day.
• Laugh at yourself. This will allow others to see your true, vulnerable self, which means it will help build connections. In addition, humor can disarm people even in the most stressful situations.

6. "Politician"

Microstress arises and is renewed when we are tormented by the fact that we said something wrong or did something wrong. When there is a kind of “politician” next to us who is well versed in the state of affairs and understands what is happening with people around, it is much easier for us to feel self confidence and stop worrying about bullshit.

How to find such a person

• Get to know those who have many connections. In every team there is such a person who knows almost all the people from other departments and offices of the company. It will help you understand the balance of power.
• Contact experienced people. They don't have to be your closest allies. These are just colleagues who will be able to share their opinions and experiences with you.

7. "Massovik entertainer"

Breaks are essential for good work. Research showthat they improve our well-being, because they reduce the level of emotional exhaustion and energize. And when we relax with other people, it becomes even easier to forget about personal or work microstresses.

How to find such a person

• Grow with those around you. If you want to read more books, join a book club. If you want to do more sports, sign up for group training. Not only will you reach your goals, but you will also meet new people.
• Be part of the community. It is better to find a group that will include people who are not connected with your personal or professional life. For example, join your home council or team up with other parents who often walk in the yard with their children. Together, it will be easier for you to organize something that will allow you to escape from worries and relax.