What to do if your boss pisses you off

1. Figure out why your boss annoys you

It is very easy to say: “Infuriates, and that's it! I just can't see him!" But to understand the causes of the appearance of anger and rage is much more difficult. But if you understand why your mood deteriorates when meeting with your superiors, it will be easier for you to correct the situation.

There are two types of reasons: objective, when the boss really behaves repulsively, and subjective, when the problem lies in your assessments of his actions.

The leader creates an uncomfortable environment in the company

There are several main claims of employees to management. People experience discontentif the boss:

• Behaves aggressively, screams, considers his opinion the only true one, does not tolerate critics and does not admit mistakes.
• Not competent enough, shows disorganization, but seeks to control every step of employees.
• Doesn't respect other people's boundaries. He can talk about the personal affairs of his subordinates, make a dubious compliment, make a hurtful joke.
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• Inattentively listens to interlocutors.

In such situations, even the calmest employee will begin to get annoyed. But it happens that the boss infuriates you with just his appearance.

The boss gives you unpleasant associations

In this case, it is more difficult to find the causes of irritation. Maybe you don't like the voice of the boss. Or he outwardly resembles an eternally scandalous neighbor with whom you have been arguing for several years.

If you understand that the cause of irritation is only your associations, it will be easier for you to control emotions.

Try to focus on current projects and not think about the shortcomings of the leader. Perhaps very soon you will see that inexplicable irritation goes away.

You have a different approach to work

For example, the boss believes that before starting a project, you need to draw up an accurate plan with clear deadlines for completing each stage. He is confident that all tasks must be performed in sequence, and requires the same from employees.

And you do a much better job when there are only general directions, an end goal, and deadline. In the process, you take on several tasks at once, jump from one thing to another, but by the time the project is due, you are ready. And the boss seems like a bore to you.

Then show that you are an employee who does not need to be controlled at every step. When the boss is convinced that neither the timing nor the quality will suffer, the degree of his tediousness will immediately decrease.

2. Set clear boundaries and stand by them

If the leader behaves incorrectly and creates conflict situations, it is important to set boundaries that you will not allow to be violated. Be direct about them and don't put it off until later - do it before you or your boss forget about the conflict. During the conversation, observe the following rules.

Try to answer the accusations when you calm down

If you start objecting right away, you can ignite the conflict instead of extinguishing it. So remember that under the influence of anger or irritation, we often forget about the facts and get personal. And as a result, the conflict can turn into a skirmish.

But this will not bring you closer to a result that will suit both parties.

For example, the boss, in the presence of the entire department, yelled at you, said that you had poorly compiled plan for a month, and added: “The trainee would have done better, but you are generally not capable of anything!” Tell him that you will be ready to discuss the situation in half an hour if he is free. During this time, you will definitely be able to pull yourself together, prepare for the conversation and, as a result, do not say too much.

Show that you are ready to accept criticism if you are wrong about something

You can start the conversation like this: “Let me explain why I came up with these decisions, and you tell me what you think should be corrected.”

In order to defend your position with reason, start with the task that stood before you. Tell us what problems you think might get in the way of solving it, and explain how you propose to deal with them.

The scenario of the conversation may be different, but try to build it according to the principle "work task - circumstances that prevent its solution - proposals."

Perhaps you really made a mistake somewhere or did not take into account the details. Even an experienced employee can sometimes overlook decisions that in other circumstances would seem obvious to him. Yes, the boss can be wrong. Therefore, a calm conversation based on facts will allow both to understand the situation.

And if you immediately start making excuses or go on the offensive, there will be no constructive dialogue.

Offer a way out of the conflict situation that suits both

Again, everyone can make mistakes. So if you were wrong, take it easy recognize and think about how you can fix it. Maybe some options will come to your mind right during a conversation with your boss - tell them about them.

If you are still at a dead end, take a break and let me know when you return with suggestions.

So you will show yourself as a professional who maintains composure even in unforeseen situations. That means he can find a way out. Often such people are valued more than those who have never made a mistake so far.

If the boss is wrong, you can also offer your vision of how best to solve the problem. Perhaps he will be grateful to you that you focused not on his miscalculation, but on work tasks.

Remember that the boss has his limits too.

Yes, perhaps it was you who were right and the boss was wrong. But you should not repeat to him: “You see - what did I say? And you didn't listen! It’s always like this: first shout, and then you think!”

Any adult person perceives very painfully when he is rudely pointed out to mistakes. But we all appreciate the interlocutor who behaves tactfully and carefully. Therefore, let the manager decide for himself where and why he was wrong, and try to talk only about work.

And one more thing: do not discuss your conflict with other colleagues and scolding the boss when he is not around. After all, you would hardly like how he retells your conversation to someone and is indignant at the way you behaved.

Mark what actions you consider unacceptable

Constructive working contacts are possible only if there is mutual respect for all those involved. Therefore, if the boss yelled at you, you can say: “I'm not ready to discuss work topics in a raised voice and in front of the entire department. Please, next time, if you have any complaints against me, express them in private. I will try to answer any questions."

Sometimes the mere demarcation of a boundary is enough to ensure that conflict does not reoccur.

This will not make you and your boss best friends, but it will allow you to maintain an even relationship. If unpleasant episodes arise again, you will have to consider whether you are ready to continue working with this boss.

3. Try to have a dialogue

Imagine you are on negotiations and you have a difficult opponent in front of you. Your task is not to break him and force him to accept all your conditions, but to find a compromise that would suit both sides. Try to treat the situation as a training that will help you improve your negotiation skills - they will come in handy anyway.

Use active listening techniques

Make a brief conclusion from his words and check if you understood him correctly. For example: “So you think that our criteria for evaluating the performance of remote workers should no longer be used because they are too vague. I need to start testing new ones right now and report the results at the end of the month, am I right?”

It's very simple technique, but it helps to avoid situations where the manager had one thing in mind, and the employee heard another. And there will be less reason for irritation on both sides.

It may be worth writing down the conclusions and getting confirmation of their correctness from the boss. And if at some point he decides to give up his words, then you can show him your notes. This option is especially suitable for remote employees. Save your correspondence in the messenger and record all work tasks and assignments there.

Try to put yourself in the shoes of a leader

You see only your part of the task. The boss does not pay attention to small details that are very important to you, but keeps the big picture in mind. Naturally, your evaluation criteria will be different.

Try to imagine how you would behave in his place. You may find that the boss is simply unaware of circumstances that turn into serious problems for you.

After all, we all often make the same mistake: we think that all the information we know is also obvious to others. And we are very surprised when we find out that this is not so.

In such cases, it is worth telling the boss about the details that will help him understand the problem. Maybe he will come up with a solution that you would not have thought of.

Ask if you don't understand something

Some professionals are afraid that their boss will consider them incompetent if they ask questions. This is wrong.

Yes, it is easier to work with those who understand perfectly. But an adequate boss knows: such employees are found only in fantasy novelsand not in real life. Nobody can read other people's minds. The manager is more likely to complain to you when you pretend that you understand everything, but your actions will show that this is not so.

There is an expression: "The only stupid question is the one you didn't ask." Ask - it is useful not only for you, but for the whole team. Correctly formulated and timely asked questions will help to see the weaknesses in the project and not make possible mistakes.

4. Decide if you want to continue working if the dialogue fails

Sometimes there is no contact. The boss still infuriates you, and you no longer want to seek mutual understanding: you have no strength, patience, and desire to negotiate. Then it remains to decide whether you should continue to work in this company or it is better to leave.

You may have important reasons to stay: high salary and excellent social support, wonderful team and interesting projects. Assess whether these benefits are worth putting up with daily irritation.

If yes, then accept the fact that the boss will not change, and try to communicate less with him. If not, then start search new work. And remember that the current company is not the only worthy employer. Maybe it's time for you to start a new stage in your career.