3 toxic attitudes that prevent you from forgetting your ex

After a breakup, it’s important to give yourself the opportunity to “mourn” the relationship that ended. But sometimes this process drags on, and the spiral of negative emotions twists even more: we blame ourselves for what happened and regret the ideal future that we lost. Getting out of this vicious circle is hindered by toxic installations. These are phrases that we repeat so often that they begin to seem true, even if they are actually lies.

Toxic mindsets are like chronic back pain—they creep into our lives unnoticed, and over time, we just accept them as a given instead of treating them. Here are three of the most common mindsets and how to get rid of them.

1. "Former partner was my soul mate"

Many believe in destiny second half and the magical "they lived happily ever after." However, life is not a Disney movie, which means that you need to move on, no matter how hard it is.

Perhaps soul mates do exist. But where did you get the idea that on our huge planet you have only one? If you accept the idea that you can have many soul mates, you will meet a huge number of wonderful interesting people with whom you will develop a sincere and happy relationship.

Yes, some unions have an expiration date. It's not your fault or your partner's fault - it's just life. If you lock yourself up at home and watch TV shows under the covers, you will definitely not find your true soul mate.

2. "I deserve to feel guilty"

Or other options: “It’s my fault that the relationship ended”, “I pushed away my loved one”, “I didn’t understand what I wanted, but now I understand how wrong I was.”

Even if you have emotionally shut yourself off from your partner, lied to them, or cheated on them, you don't deserve to feel guilty all the time. Yes, you screwed up, but you can't go back in time and fix it. Self-flagellation will not change anything - you need forgive yourself and live on.

If you think you're a bad partner, answer some tough questions honestly:

• you know your relationship needs?
• Which of them did you not manage to satisfy with a former partner?
• Do you love yourself?
• Do you have healthy relationships with friends and family?
• What do you want more than anything in the world?
• What is stopping you from achieving this?

Of course, it would be much better if you talked to your partner about your feelings in time and parted on a good note. But that didn't happen, and that's okay. Mistakes are part of the human experience.

Try look into yourself and find the source of guilt. This will help you understand what needs to be done to correct the situation. Now you are free, so use this time to work on yourself. You will understand who you are and what you want, which means you can be sure that you will choose the right partner for the next relationship.

3. "Love Conquers All"

After a breakup, a variety of thoughts may arise. For example: "Between us left hfeelings. How can I live on if I love a person? Because "all you need is love."

Actually this is not true. Love is a wonderful feeling. It makes us happy and purposeful. When the relationship ends and feelings remainIt's hard to let go of the situation. And yet, sometimes love is not enough: it makes the relationship deep, but does not save them. You and your partner can love each other, but move in different directions and understand that you should leave now, and not later, when you start to hate each other.

Nevertheless, no matter how trite it may seem, it is better to love and lose than never love at all. When we give our heart to someone, we learn a lot about ourselves, allow ourselves to be open, honest and vulnerable.

Your separation from your partner does not mean that love has to die. Allow it to live within you, but keep moving forward. Staying in the past because you believe that love will save you is pointless.

You will find happiness again, even if now it seems to you that this is not so. But for this you need to allow yourself look for love in the most unexpected places - including inside yourself. Otherwise, you will be stuck in place for a very long time.

Take one small step every day. For example, go out to dinner with a friend instead of being sad at home. Or work out at the gym instead of checking your ex's social media every five minutes. Getting rid of toxic installations will take time and effort. Getting over a breakup is a choice, and if you're willing to make it, you'll be fine.