Revenge: should this dish be served cold or should it be excluded from the menu

In the cinema, there is often a plot where someone offended the main character and he must certainly take revenge. When he succeeds, the audience gasps in admiration: justice has triumphed. And the hero can finally go to a happy life. Or to the afterlife, if we are talking about the film "Ghost".

Revenge is presented as something right and noble, although it suffer people - sometimes even superfluous, as, for example, in The Count of Monte Cristo. Therefore, it is important to understand what it is and whether it is worth making it a part of your life.

What is revenge and why we crave it

According to dictionaries, revenge is intentional infliction of evil, troubles in order to repay an insult, insult or suffering; retribution for anything.

According to psychologist Veronika Zymonenko, revenge is an action born out of resentment, pain, humiliation, insult, which the human ego cannot bear.

According to psychologist Olga Kulikova, for those who want to take revenge, this becomes a tool for restoring justice. And everyone understands this process in their own way: someone immediately answers the offender and calms down on this, while someone comes up with a sophisticated reprisal for a long time. In fact, this justice just one of the cognitive distortions.

What happens to the body when a person takes revenge

Psychologist Yana Semyonova notes: in the short term, anger reinforces the pleasure of revenge. She affects areas of the brain associated with reward - the same areas are activated when using drugs. And the hormones responsible for this feeling cause joy not only after performing some action, but also in the process of waiting, in anticipation. So a person may feel better when he simply plans to punish the abuser.

However, as a result, many note mixed emotions. And in fact, revenge is not sweet, but rather bittersweet. Over time, the scales can tilt towards bitterness because the person cools down and looks at the situation more rationally.

In addition, in the process of vindictive behavior, a lot of cortisol is produced in the body. And in the long run it may cause, for example, to depression.

Can revenge help solve the problem?

In addition to the risk of depression already mentioned, there are other downsides to retaliation.

Revenge does not help resolve the conflict

She has no such goal, she is called to restore justice. But such actions will clearly not be able to eliminate the causes and consequences of the conflict. For example, in kindergarten, when one child accidentally stepped on another's foot, the second responds in the same way - it seems like everything is fair. But in fact, we have two children with crushed fingers.

In addition, the avenger administers justice in accordance with his concepts of good and evil. But they are not as universal as it is commonly believed.

It prolongs the traumatic experience

Yana Semenova notes that revenge can prolong suffering, instead of resolving the situation and helping to restore balance. After all, violence breeds violence, and the other person can also begin to take revenge in response.

Revenge destroys

It harms not only those who administer it, but also those around them, Semyonova believes. Most often for revenge, not for forgiveness people come running inclined to more impulsive and aggressive behavior. The most brutal acts of violence are committed by those who, even in anger, plan the massacre and take pleasure in inflicting pain on others.

How else can you resolve the situation?

Take a break to calm down

According to Semyonova, it is important to give yourself time to cool down. Because when the feelings subside, it may turn out that the situation is a little different than it seemed at first glance. Especially in terms of restoring justice, because it is based on our internal beliefsrather than absolute truth. It happens that a hasty reaction turns out to be excessive, and a person does not deserve all the punishments that the avenger came up with for him.

Solve the situation in an environmentally friendly way

Let's say you were really treated badly. But it is important to understand that giving up revenge does not mean swallowing the offense and doing nothing.

For example, one partner violated important agreements and hurt the other. And then came put up. If the injured party understands that trust can no longer be restored, the termination of communication is not revenge, not an attempt to punish. This is the very protection of borders: “this is not possible with me.” So a person creates a safe space for himself.

At the same time, the first can listen to the second and find out the detailed circumstances of what happened, share their feelings. Perhaps the parties to the conflict will discuss everything and get out of it. This option, unlike revenge, can have long-term positive consequences.

Forgive

It seems impossible, but forgiveness is an effective way to get out of a situation where you want to take revenge. According to research, it is this approach that most often demonstrates an improvement mental health in perspective.

What do you think, is revenge worth it? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments.