6 things to remember when starting a new relationship after a painful breakup

1. You have to finish the old to start the new.

Even if the breakup was not very traumatic for you, you still tear yourself away from another person with whom you had a lot in common. And sometimes you want to attach a new partner to this bleeding wound as soon as possible so that he plays the role of a healing plantain. It may work, or it may lead to bad consequences.

When we enter a relationship out of desperation and pain, we run the risk of overlooking red flags or simply choosing the wrong person.

Ask yourself why you need a relationship. If the goal is to cope with pain, anger, loneliness, then perhaps it is worth waiting. If you want to go on dates to re-experience all the emotions associated with them, to build something new, this is a sign that you are ready.

2. It is important to update values ​​and priorities

You should not thoughtlessly rush into a new relationship also because you first need to build a harmonious interaction with yourself. Who are you now, what are your valuesWhat are you not ready to give up in the future?

Even if you are a rock and a stronghold, you probably sometimes thought about the good of your partner more than about your own, somewhere you gave way, caved in, adopted other people's beliefs. Now you have the opportunity to shake off the plaque brought from outside and return to the roots.

At the same time, try not to roll back to the factory settings that you had before the relationship. All these years you have grown up, wiser. And it is likely that what you are looking for in people now is not at all what you liked ten years ago.

3. The misdeeds of the former partner are best left with him.

Burnt in milk, they blow on the water. Often a gap shows us a recently loved person from a negative side. You may encounter something very unpleasant, deceit, betrayal. It is logical that you will try to protect yourself from this in the future. But there is a risk of overdoing it in trying to create a safe zone for yourself.

For example, a person terminated a relationship because he found out about treason. He worries about this, as a result, he begins to suspect the new partner of infidelity in advance. Perhaps he reads correspondence, arranges tough interrogations and generally behaves doubtfully. This approach is understandable. But the current lover has given no cause for jealousy and does not deserve to be punished for the sins of another.

You should not project the misdeeds of the former partner onto the present. Of course you have bad experiences. But try starting from scratch.

4. It's okay if the relationship doesn't stick right away.

Sometimes people get lucky and first date after the breakup, it turns into great love and a long-term marriage. If you are not so and you do not meet someone who would attract you strongly enough, this is not a reason to worry. Everything will definitely work out sooner or later - of course, if you basically need a relationship.

For now, enjoy your dates. This is a great way to have a good time, try new things, make friends. Look for pleasure in it.

5. You and your ex-partner have no competition

Sometimes despair is added by the fact that the former lover has already found someone and is moving on. This can be upsetting, even if you were the initiator of the breakup, because, on the one hand, this brings the final line under your relationship, on the other hand, as if making you less successful in compared to former partner. This is wrong.

Meeting the right person is a lot of luck, not the result of personal effort and merit.

So don't take the search for a new relationship as an obstacle race. Move at a comfortable pace.

6. New love may appear faster than it seems

Sometimes a person literally on the way out of an old relationship meets someone who fits him perfectly. And this may seem wrong to him. He will torment himself: I didn’t worry enough about something... what will people say?

There are no standards for the correct period of suffering - everyone has a different healing period. If you find yourself ready for a new relationship earlier than society expected you to, don't beat yourself up. What is happening to you is normal.