“Absolutely separate budget is a utopia”: 3 couples on how to better manage finances

Maintaining a joint budget is not always an easy task, especially if partners are used to managing salaries in different ways. We spoke with three people and asked them to share how they deal with this issue. Each of the heroes shared their experience and left advice to other couples.

"A common financial goal brings together"

Budget: 65-70% of the salary of each partner is personal money, 30-35% is general.

The girl started working before me. Therefore, for a short time (about 3 months), we had a separate budget. Then, when I got a more stable job, we thought about how to organize finances together.

We were lucky: the girl’s parents bought her an apartment, so we didn’t have to save money for rent. But the overall financial goals were: we are saving up for a trip to Singapore. In addition, I wanted to centrally buy groceries, pay utility bills, and share bills at restaurants.

However, it was important for us to maintain financial independence from each other. Therefore, we agreed that we would transfer 30-35% of the salary to the general fund. The rest remains on our personal accounts.

To do this, we have a separate card in my name. Every month we transfer about 50,000 rubles there. We use them to buy groceries, go to restaurants and cinemas. Everything that we managed not to spend in a month is sent to the Singapore savings account. Usually about 10,000-15,000 rubles remain.

A common financial goal brings us together — we act as a team.

This is an additional motivation: if you want to go on a trip, you do not need to eat everything to the last penny. When there is a spontaneous desire to spend money, it is worth asking yourself: “What is more important to me: right now go to a cafe on the Arbat or save money in order to quickly get to a shop with Singaporean street food?

Expenditure

We love to go to restaurants and almost never cook at home. Therefore, the items of expenditure from the general budget look something like this:

• 40-45% - restaurants and going to the cinema;
• 20–25% travel;
• 10% - products for the home;
• 10% - utilities and rent;
• 5% - services that we both use (YouTube, Kinopoisk, Quizlet);
• 5% - monthly cleaning.

Everyone pays for clothes, hobbies, medicines, equipment on their own. Moreover, our interests differ. For example, I go to a gym with a swimming pool, and a girl goes to a regular gym. My subscription costs twice as much. But she monthly makes herself manicure and epilation.

Of course, an absolutely separate budget is a utopia. For example, once my girlfriend's computer broke. I urgently needed to buy a new one. But she did not have enough money for this, so I added my own.

Helping someone you love is okay. I think there is no need for any rules like “I will lend you 10,000 rubles, but you will have to return them to me, since we have a separate budget.” Otherwise, you will be just like strangers.

If someone feels uncomfortable financially burdening another, it is better to return the money spent in the form of a gift. It's more pleasant, and money is not the most important thing in life.

Quarrels over money

Since we have a very well-thought-out system, we have never quarreled over finances. Except once.

I look: money began to be debited from the general fund in a strange way. 400 rubles in a cafe, 200 rubles in a household chemicals store, 2000 rubles in a shopping center... I realized that my girlfriend was behind all this. But I decided not to say anything. I thought: it’s not such a big problem that she spent two thousand from the common fund for personal needs. But the next day the situation repeated itself.

I tensed because we hadn't agreed on anything beforehand. He asked her: “Listen, what did you spend 4,000 rubles on yesterday?” She was offended - she thought that I was counting her money. But when I explained that we were talking about a common card, everything became clear.

The girl forgot to take it out of the cardholder, where her personal card lay. And all these days she just applied it, thinking that the purchases were made from her account. When we found out everything, she transferred the missing amount.

Financial Accounting Applications

I used to use Monefy, but I only needed it to learn financial planning. Then, when I already intuitively understood what I was spending money on, the need for it disappeared. It is much more convenient to do everything without third-party services - they take time. Now my girlfriend and I are engaged in investments, for this we need only special brokerage applications.

Children

We don't have children yet. But there is a brilliant idea. As soon as the girl becomes pregnant, we will open a separate account into which we will drop $1 every day until the child's 18th birthday. Then, when he grows up, we will present them and allow him to dispose of them as he likes. But before that, starting from his adolescence, we will teach him financial literacy and share our experience.

Tips for other couples

1. Money is not a reason to fight. If you have conflicts on this basis, perhaps the primary problem is not at all how you distribute finances. Maybe you don't hear each other or don't know how to clearly indicate what you don't like.
2. Set general financial goals. It brings together and motivates.

“There are always ways to save money”

Budget: 65-70% of the salary of each partner is general money, 30-35% is personal.

There were times when my salary was higher. But the budgeting scheme was still the same. 9 years ago, we agreed that most of the funds go into a common pool. The smaller one remains for personal spending, so that one person does not depend on another and can calmly buy a pen, underwear, a chocolate bar - little things.

Expenditure

The biggest expense item is variable. It changes depending on the circumstances. If earlier we were forced to focus only on important needs - nutrition, health - now our income level has changed. There was an opportunity to update the equipment, which is already outdated, and go on a trip. Now the percentage looks like this:

• 25% - products;
• 10% - other goods (medicines, cosmetics);
• 20% - mortgage;
• 10% - utilities, rent, internet, communications;
• 10% - hobbies (pool, paintball);
• 15% - cinema, cafes, gifts for loved ones;
• 10% - small equipment or accumulation for large parts.

Quarrels over money

My husband has a peculiarity: he distributes money emotionally. For example, when we had a mortgage, he could go into a small minus on the card. In this case, the system does not care how much - 10 or 1000 rubles. There was no write-off, and this is bad.

This is a common cause and a common responsibility, so I tried more often to focus my husband's attention on accuracy in such matters.

Then we refinanced the mortgage, and I proposed my candidacy for the role of the main borrower and began to follow these processes myself. Everyone became more comfortable.

Some believe that all family members should be conscious about the issue of finances. But I think that you should not try to remake your partner.

Everyone is good at something. Therefore, he should be entrusted with what he does best. If you have a holiday person in front of you, you should not hang rent obligations on him. My husband, for example, is not very rational in matters of budgeting, but he knows how to come up with cool present friends and relatives. He has no spontaneous spending on himself.

We discuss all major purchases with him. Emergency money is spent only in situations of "no time to explain." But these are isolated cases.

Children

We have a 3 year old daughter. So far, we do not allow her any financial liberties. But every time I focus her attention on prices and have conversations with her: “Let's not buy this toy now, but save up a little money and take the one that is better.”

I try to explain: you can infringe on something small in order to get something more. I don't know if this will work in the future. But I hope these conversations work.

Adviсe

1. First, start keeping track of income and expenses. For example, we wrote down on a piece of paper how much each of us earns and spends. Then we looked at what acquisitions we could qualify for. Joint discussion and planning greatly brings together and gives a common understanding of the prospects. When you know what lies ahead for you, you feel freer.
2. You can always find an opportunity save. For example, after we refinanced the mortgage, it became easier.

“Those who earn less can benefit the family in other ways”

Budget: 90% of the husband's salary is general money, 10% is the husband's personal funds. Regina's salary is her personal budget.

Before pregnancy, I worked as a teacher of Russian language and literature, I burned out badly. When I went on maternity leave to care for my first child, I realized that I didn’t want to go back to school. I began to devote time to the house, earn extra money as a tutor and sew things to order. Two years ago, I had twins, so for now there is no talk of returning to a stable job.

My husband earns enough to provide for our life. Therefore, we decided that it would be more convenient for everyone: I take care of the children and the house, he earns money. What I get from tutoring is, one might say, pennies. But without them, I would feel uncomfortable. Now I can spend them on a manicure or meeting with friends. Everyone is happy with this situation.

Expenditure

Twice a month, my husband transfers most of his salary to my card. I already have good family budgeting skills, so he fully trusts me.

• 30% of our salary goes to food. Including we save on lunches: I cook dinners for my husband and eldest son myself.
• 5% - transport costs.
• 12% - payment for utilities and various services (Internet, mobile communications, and so on).
• 8% - payment for circles and developmental activities for the child.
• 10-20% - clothing costs depending on the season. Now, with two rapidly growing young children, that figure is even higher.
• 8-10% - expenses for medicines, cosmetics.
• 5% - entertainment expenses. Every week we try to go somewhere with the family.
• I save 10-15% to a savings account. We save up to a new apartment.

I try to save on groceries, so every week we buy in markets and supermarkets.

In addition, we practically do not dine in restaurants - I love to cook. I think it also cuts costs a lot.

When the children grow up a little, the balance of distribution of funds will change. They will need to pay for sections and circles, to purchase school supplies. But by then we will save up for a new apartment and start saving more money for vacations. Now we have no opportunity to travel anywhere.

Quarrels over money

So far, we have not had any quarrels over finances. Probably because I am very rational about budgeting, and my husband is not particularly interested in how I manage the flow of expenses. He just trusts me, because he sees that everything functions well even without his intervention.

Sometimes, if a husband needs more money for himself - for example, to go on a business trip, buy new clothes or purchase equipment - he gives less money. Not 90%, but let's say 80%. But usually he warns about it in advance.

So I just plan to shrink a little in monthly expenses. The same thing happens if I urgently need to buy something expensive - he gives a little more money than usual.

Children

So far, I think it's too early for us to devote children to planning family budget and give them financial literacy lessons. The eldest son has only recently begun to study numbers. I think that in a year or two we will try to conduct an experiment with him on issuing pocket money. Let's talk with him about what he would like to buy, set a goal and together we will constantly go towards it.

Adviсe

1. It is important to remember that someone who earns less may benefit the family in other ways. I used to feel that I was missing something from my family because I didn’t earn much. But in fact, everything I do around the house is a lot of work. Therefore, despite unequal salaries, we invest in the family in the same way. My husband and I talked about this topic, and I realized that he was satisfied with this state of affairs. After that, I felt better.
2. Everything must be crystal clear and honest on both sides. I would be anxious if my husband did not tell me what his salary is or if every month he gave me a different amount of money: “Surprise, today I brought not 50,000, but 10,000 rubles!” So I did? Being in the dark, it is difficult to plan and build the future. The same applies to me - I am always ready to show my husband the checks and explain what the money was spent on.