5 Irrational Thinking Patterns That Pull You Down
Miscellaneous / / April 04, 2023
Among them are the “all or nothing” attitude and statements with the word “should”.
Our well-being is largely shaped by the content of our thoughts. And it depends not only on what we think, but also on how we do it. In his book "Mood Therapy" psychiatrist David Burns writes that certain assumptions and thinking errors can permanently worsen our mood and even lead to depression. Due to cognitive distortions, we see ourselves in a negative light, do not want to get close to others, and lose the desire to achieve goals. Here are some common thought patterns that often ruin our lives.
1. All-or-nothing setting
Under its influence, we divide everything around into diametrically opposed categories. For example, we consider a new colleague either amazing or very boring, and about an evening with friends we say that he was either great or disgusting. In fact, life is never black and white - it always has a variety of shades of at least gray.
How to fix
Try to catch this installation as soon as it appears in your mind. For example, you came to a friend’s birthday, your favorite music is playing, and you think: “If you dance, then it’s only perfect, otherwise I will
look stupid».Change the course of your thoughts no less categorical. Let's say: "I love to dance, so I'll go to the dance floor and try to have fun." Then take it down even more: "Yes, I'm not the best dancer, but I won't see half of these people again." Or: "I'll dance during the next two songs and if I'm still uncomfortable, I'll go back to the table."
The search for alternative statements helps to break the “all or nothing” mindset and notice nuances in different situations.
2. "Disqualification" of positive
Because of this thought pattern, we reject positive statements and thoughts, convincing ourselves that they “do not count” for one reason or another. For example, chief praises you in front of your colleagues, and when someone later mentions it, you answer: “He said that because he saw me right in front of him, he could not help but notice.”
How to fix
When you reject the positive, you are unwittingly empowering negative beliefs about you and your life. If you find it difficult to accept compliments, start with the simplest phrases, such as "Thank you" or "I'm very pleased." Try to imagine what your life would be like if you believed in the truthfulness of the flattering words that you hear addressed to you.
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3. Statements with the word "should"
When our internal dialogue is full of the words “should”, “should”, or “necessary”, this increases feelings of anger and frustration. For example, your boss gives you a task and wants you to complete it by Monday, and you say to yourself: “I have to do everything by Friday, otherwise I’ll be lazy.” nonentity».
How to fix
“Must”, “should”, “necessary” are restrictive and coercive words. They make us feel like we have no choice and raise our expectations. Change the language you use when talking to yourself. For example, start using the words “can”, “choose”, “decide” more often. This will give you more freedom in thoughts and actions.
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4. Generalization
The essence of this model is that we notice general rules in specific situations and apply them in completely different circumstances. Moreover, most of these conclusions are more often negative than positive. For example, when you go home after bad job interview, you think: "People don't like me and, in general, I will always be alone."
How to fix
When you find yourself indiscriminately trying on past results for the situation ahead, remind yourself that the outcome is different in each case. Failure today does not mean that you have a future ahead of you that consists only of failures. The more often you argue with this thought pattern, the sooner you will be able to defeat it.
5. Personalization
Because of her, we think cause yourself unpleasant events for which we are actually not responsible at all or we share it with others. We blame ourselves for other people's failures, scold ourselves for small miscalculations, or connect any external events with ourselves, even when there is no reason for this. All this has a bad effect not only on everyday life, but also on the idea of \u200b\u200bits own "I".
This thought pattern can take many different forms. For example, you booked a table for yourself and friends, and when you arrived at the restaurant, it turned out that you were not on the list. And you think, "It's my fault." Or you organized a trip to the sea for the whole family, but it rained most of the time. And you say to yourself: "It's my fault, because I wanted too much to get lucky with the weather."
How to fix
Personalization is associated with our desire to appear responsible and efficient in the eyes of others, but it only creates unnecessary and unjustified pressure. Soberly evaluate your contribution to the current situation and remind yourself that some things are impossible control. For example, in a table reservation situation, you could call the restaurant again and double-check your reservation. However, the administrator may not have recorded you, or the computer system has failed, which means that this is not only your responsibility.
If you find yourself with several thought patterns at once, work on them in turn. This will require effort. It is important not only to know that you have a certain attitude, but also to catch yourself in time to replace the irrational pattern with a more constructive and positive option.
Once you get rid of irrational patterns, you will become more emotionally flexible, learn to adapt to changes and quickly recover from defeats. Break the mindsets that hold you down and limit you, and you will discover the path to a more fulfilling life.
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