7 important phrases to say to your children more often
Miscellaneous / / April 04, 2023
Among them, not only "I love you."
MIF publishing house published a book by Sherri Campbell, an expert in clinical psychology. The author of "Toxic Relatives" tells how to take care of your own emotional safety in relationships with loved ones. We publish an excerpt from the fifth chapter, which contains useful phrases that help grow healthy adults out of children.
1. I love you
Parents may give their children too many material things: clothes, toys, books, and so on. But "too much love" does not happen. If we tell our children that we love them, and do it as often as possible, they will feel that they are truly dear to us. The phrase "I love you" gives children the necessary courage, confidence and support after making mistakes. These three simple words can heal wounds and truly bring joy. So children feel that their parents are their fans in a good way. That mom and dad are there and really love them.
Consider: how do children learn to love themselves? It is on the parent example. When we tell children we love them and back up our words with actions, we instill in them love for ourselves and others.
The words "I love you" drive away fear, give children confidence and a sense of security that sustains them throughout their lives.
2. I'm proud of you
To develop healthy self-esteem, children need absolute support and OK. They are in dire need of it. Parents are the first ones children want to impress. Pretty much everything kids do, they do to get our love and acceptance. Yes, many parents tell their children that they are proud of them, but the quantity, quality and sincerity of these words are important. As well as hugs, love and presence next to children. As parents, we cannot always agree with the actions of our children. However, we should commend them for completing the most difficult task of all—the journey to independence.
3. I was wrong sorry you were right
We need to be open and confident enough to admit we're wrong in front of our children. This is how we show that we are human and not perfect either. We should express sympathy to them if they have suffered from our mistake. When we are sincere and modest in dealing with children, we show that perfection is unattainable - neither for them nor for us. To admit their own imperfection, parents need to be honest. When we take responsibility for our own wrongdoing, we are helping children to have the courage to recognize and accept their own imperfections. Through this, children learn to achieve balance, and not be perfectionists. Taking responsibility for your mistakes creates an atmosphere of tolerance and openness. Subsequently, this atmosphere becomes the foundation on which our children learn to build all their future relationships.
4. I forgive you - you don't have to be perfect
None of us are perfect. Ideal parents can not be. We all say what we think and do what we shouldn't. We all waste time, break promises, forget something important, and make many other mistakes.
None of us fully lives up to the expectations placed on us, including our own.
We must remember all this when raising children in order to give them the opportunity to be ordinary people. No one, regardless of age, likes to be reminded of a bad choice or a mistake. And if he is also endlessly punished for this mistake, humiliated in front of others or poke in her nose, it's just awful. We as parents need to find a balance: children must understand the consequences of their actions, and at the same time we must remember that children have feelings too. Our tasks are to let them know that they are worthy of love, despite their shortcomings, to choose the right disciplinary measures and to forgive children if they make mistakes.
5. I'm here with you and I'm listening to you
It is very important to listen to the children so that they understand that we are interested in what they have to say. Listening, we get the opportunity to look into their inner world and have a mutually pleasant talkwhere both parent and child feel valued. To avoid misunderstanding, it is useful to once again repeat to the children what we heard from their words, and make sure that we understood everything correctly. If so, we can encourage, guide, and praise the child. A negative connection occurs when he does not feel important, because being heard is the main component of feeling his own value.
How can we know our children and be intimate with them if we never listen to them? If we argue with them and constantly talk only about ourselves? Our children are different from us, and instead of telling them what to do and who to be, it is worth listening to them first and then giving advice (if needed). This will help children learn to solve problems and make their own good decisions. I was raised by myself motherwho spoke only to me, and not to me, taught and very rarely listened to my needs and feelings. I want to emphasize again: it is extremely important to listen to your children.
6. It's your responsibility
Personal responsibility is an important part of growing up. When our children make a decision, whether wise or not, its consequences become a lesson for them. If parents develop responsibility in a child, he will learn this lesson.
Children quickly learn which actions bring a positive result, and which negative, if they have to bear personal responsibility for these actions.
However, if we start to shame and humiliate children or do nothing at all, we will not instill responsibility in them. By training to make the right decisions, children will inevitably make and bad. The main thing is not to deprive them of this opportunity, because such an experience will help them grow. Parents are needed to teach children, to intervene when the situation calls for it, and to help them move forward into the future. When we encourage a child to take responsibility for their actions, we send him a clear "message": I believe that you are able to do everything necessary. Without an understanding of their own responsibility, children will not be able to manage their lives.
7. You have everything you need to be successful
Understanding the concept of success as a direct result of effort and determination appears in children quite early. Healthy self-esteem is the armor that protects the child from the difficulties that await him in the world. We must raise children so that they know their strengths and weaknesses and love themselves. In this way, it will be easier for our children to cope with conflicts and resist negativity. The child's belief that he has everything he needs to succeed helps him to be more optimistic about life and what lies ahead.
One of the most important gifts we give our children is our faith in them.
We should encourage their efforts, celebrate their achievements and support them after failures. We must explain to our children that failure is an integral part of life and sometimes difficulties help to achieve new successes. Failure teaches children to understand what was wrong, after which they can try again. By learning to find the path to triumph through defeat, they will pave their way to a happy life.
Love and discipline should be the guiding forces in the education of children. Discipline and humiliation do not go hand in hand. If you break a child self-esteemhe will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of his life. Be careful: when children grow up, it will be much more difficult to change their attitude towards them. That is why you need to start building high self-esteem in children as early as possible and do it consistently and sincerely. When our children try, fail, try again, fail again, and then still succeed, they get a rough idea of their abilities. At the same time, their ideas about themselves are formed on the basis of communication with us and other people. The more supportive and positive this communication is, the more persistent and self-confident our children become.
The book "Toxic Relatives" will help you deal with difficult relationships with loved ones. With it you will learn to outline personal boundaries, give a respectful rebuff and properly build communication in the family.
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