How to make the first move if you're unsure about the other person's romantic feelings

Miscellaneous / by admin / April 03, 2023

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Together with a psychologist, we analyze several different strategies.

Love stories start in different ways. For example, from a bright spark that cannot be missed. In such cases, the answer to the question “Does he love or not love?” obvious. But there is another option. You are drawn to a person, you want to spend more and more time with him and begin to fall in love. How does he or she feel? Unclear.

Sometimes a person gives mixed signals: today - flirting and smiling, tomorrow - indifference. And sometimes you can't quite figure out if his or her reactions are showing love. Not surprisingly, in such circumstances, it is scary to take the initiative. However, this is not the only reason that may prevent you from being the first to confess your feelings.

Why are we afraid to take the first step

We all admire people who express any of their emotions and experiences, and do not hush them up. Because this requires not only courage, but also an unwavering confidence in itself. The same goes for romantic confessions.

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Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

We may be afraid of being rejected, laughed at, our feelings treated casually, and that hurts. If it doesn't work, how will I deal with it later? So sometimes we choose to simply abandon an experience if there is a risk that it will be negative.

This fear is not at all meaningless. According to one small researchwhen we are rejected, the same areas in our brain are activated as when we are in physical pain. We can say that we avoid rejection by following the same instinct of self-preservation that prevents us from grabbing a hot frying pan with our bare hands.

However, when it comes to feelings, this does not mean that you need to succumb fear. If you want to challenge him to a fight and win in order to make that very first step in the end, try starting with a few simple tricks.

How to act when there is no confidence in the feelings of another

If a person gives mixed signals

Unfortunately, this is not the most encouraging sign. When a person likes you, he will try to take your relationship to the next level, even if everything goes slowly. For example, first he will meet and chat with you, then he will ask for a phone number, then he will write, and so on.

If a person is interested in you, the graph of your relationship will smoothly go up, and not resemble a broken line of ups and downs in the style of “yesterday they smiled at me, but today they don’t even said hello."

Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

It looks like a very unsafe thing, but everyone decides for himself whether such an interaction option suits him. All those double binds where there is confusion about what the person is saying and what they mean. As in an everyday example, when a mother asks a child: “Tell the truth, I will never scold you for it.” The child speaks and is scolded.

A person does not have the gift of reading thoughts, and this is the moment where information can be clarified. For example: “I noticed (s) that sometimes you act like I'm not there. But there are times when we communicate very well. When I start to feel indifferent, I get a little lost, because I would like (s) to communicate with you. Perhaps we could discuss this?"

If you are serious about finding out if a person has feelings for you and what kind, you can accidentally push him to express his attitude towards you in other ways:

Mention in a conversation that you really want to see a movie that is going to the cinema. This will give the person a hint where you can be invited.
Let the object of your sympathy understand that you are free and ready for a new relationship. For example: “I haven’t been to the goodbye».
Mention in the conversation that you would agree to an offer to go out somewhere together. For example: “I would definitely go to this exhibition with you.”
Avoid mixed signals on your end.

If a person gives signals, but you are not sure that they mean mutual sympathy

Sometimes hints and non-verbal cues can be quite difficult to decipher, even if they are constant. Did she invite me to a quiz with friends because she wants to spend time with me or because I'm good at the topic? Is he constantly smiling when he meets me because he likes me or because that is his way of communicating with everyone? Suddenly, all these signs of mutual sympathy exist only in my head?

Elena Kotova

Psychologist.

I would like to give some instructions on what to do in order to understand everything “ashore”, but, unfortunately, there are no such instructions. Lists “she twists a lock of hair and therefore loves you” have nothing to do with life.

What can be done? Wait for the moments until you understand that it is falling in love or love, and think about how you will understand it at all. Or try to translate your feelings into words and actions and look at the situation.

If you want to be more active, try testing the waters like this:

Ask interesting questions more often questions. For example, “What was your favorite activity as a child?” or "What can't you imagine your day without?" This will allow you to go to next level of communication, getting to know each other better and paying close attention to how the other person reacts to you and what you speak.
Give your phone number as if by chance. For example, recommend a movie or a book and then say, “We can exchange phone numbers or add each other on social media. It will be very interesting to know your opinion after watching (reading).
Invite a person to a meeting or a party where a large company will gather. It's much easier than asking for a one-on-one date. And if the object of your sympathy will try to spend all the time with you, even among crowds of people, most likely your feelings are mutual.

If all your efforts have not been successful, do not be upset. This does not mean at all that you are a terrible person who will never build romantic relationshipso it's not worth trying anymore. According to Elena Kotova, you can be the most delicious peach, and someone may simply not like peaches.