Why in stressful situations we begin to look for someone to blame and why is it bad

Why do we love looking for someone to blame?

Serious problems or difficult life situations can cause distressR. C. Martin, E. R. Dahlen. Cognitive emotion regulation in the prediction of depression, anxiety, stress, and anger / Personality and Individual Differences - a condition in which the load on a person is too great and he is unable to cope with it. The reasons can be anything from losing a job or breaking up a relationship to threatening events in the world.

To adapt and lower the degree emotional stress, people applyR. C. Martin, E. R. Dahlen. Cognitive emotion regulation in the prediction of depression, anxiety, stress, and anger / Personality and Individual Differences different cognitive strategies. And looking for someone to blame is one of them.

The popularity of this method can be explained by the peculiarities of the brain. IN book In The Biology of Good and Evil, neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky says that when we think about our actions, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex is activated. It is associated with emotional experiences.

When it comes to other people, the insula and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, responsible for logical reasoning, come into play.

We do not know what others think and feel, so we judge them in terms of dry facts.

This feature leads to a cognitive distortion - a fundamental attribution error. Its essence is that our bad deeds and failures we explainb. Gawronski. Fundamental Attribution Error the influence of circumstances, and others - their personal characteristics. “He didn’t pass the test because he was dumb, and I didn’t pass the test because I didn’t get enough sleep.”

This mistake makes blaming others even easier, because you can attribute a sea of ​​negative qualities to them, recognize people as inherently bad, scold and hate.

Why Finding the Blame Isn't the Best Strategy

First of all, blaming other people makes it difficult to resolve conflicts and feel comfortable. Such an approach multiplies hatred, narrows the focus of attention and does not allow to consider the problem from different angles.

For example, by recognizing an employee as unpleasant, you will not try to find a common language with him. Why make an effort if he is just such a person, and therefore, in principle can't change?

In addition, the personal condition is deteriorating. In scientific works note1. N. Garnefski, V. Kraij, P. Spinhoven. Negative life events, cognitive emotion regulation and emotional problems / Personality and Individual Differences
2. M. Molero‑Jurado, M. Perez‑Fuentes, J. J. Gazquez-Linares. Coping Strategies as a Mental Health Protection Factor of Spanish Nurses during COVID‑19 / International journal of environmental research and public healththat blaming and other maladaptive ways of coping with stress reduce emotional well-being, cause anxiety and depression, and exacerbate communication problems.

How to replace the search for the guilty

In one study identifiedR. C. Martin, E. R. Dahlen. Cognitive emotion regulation in the prediction of depression, anxiety, stress, and anger / Personality and Individual Differencesthat, in addition to blaming others, there are eight more cognitive strategies for coping with stress.

Some of them are maladaptive - those that do not help to cope with a stressful state. These include rumination - a sort of "gum" of thoughts and feelings dedicated to the problem, which is endlessly spinning in my head.

Also among the bad ways are self-blame and catastrophizing, which only emphasize the horror of the experience.

Such strategies interfere with coping with stress and increase the risk of slipping into depression. And here are good ways that, on the contrary, increase the chances of adapting and restoring peace of mind:

1. Adoption - an attempt to come to terms with the situation. This strategy is considered positive because, only accepting what happened as a fact, it will turn out to start rational actions.
2. Focus on planning thoughts about what to do to cope with the negative event. Thinking through concrete steps helps to get rid of anxiety, gives more optimism and improves self-esteem.
3. Positive reorientation - replacing thoughts about bad thoughts with thoughts about pleasant events and situations. This helps to disengage from the negative and can be useful in circumstances where the solution to the problem is beyond your control. It's better if it's action-oriented behavior. For example, instead of remembering how good you once were, you should go for a walk, meet friends or take up some kind of hobby.
4. Putting into perspective - assessment of the severity of the event or its comparison with other situations. This strategy includes many ways. For example, you can check the real statistical data, shift the focus to facts instead of fears, remember how you successfully overcame similar problems in the past and what is good about the present.

The next time you feel like blaming someone else for your misfortune, try replacing this strategy with one of the ones listed above. A productive approach will not make you hate people for nothing and will help you get out of the emotional hole.