How to Find Love Using the Couch Theory

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Although I am mostly known for my work in the diagnosis and treatment of personality disorders, I have helped many of my clients find the right partner. More often than not, they were unable to do this on their own because of the problems that led them to therapy.

They were afraid of being rejected, worried about being judged, and worried that they would look too intrusive and desperate. In fact, they were hindered emotions. To help such people, I came up with a simple method that I called "sofa theory."

What is the "couch theory"

This is a pragmatic approach that avoids many of the emotional pains associated with trying to find a mate. They can be used by both men and women. Moreover, its basic principles will work both in online dating and in person meetings.

The essence of the "couch theory" is simple. You compare how you look for a partner with how you choose

sofa. If you couldn't buy furniture using the principles you use to find a life partner, then the scheme doesn't work.

How to apply the "couch theory" in practice

Here are five basic rules.

1. Go where they sell sofas

When you need a sofa, you don't expect it to magically find you while you're at home. You also won't hope to accidentally stumble upon it while walking in the park. On the contrary, you expect that it takes effort to find the perfect sofa.

Similarly, there is no point in taking a passive stance when looking for a pair. That's why:

• Go to places you like to spend time lonely people.
• If you don't like the crowd that gathers there, go where you are more likely to find a person who will interest you. For example, if you want your partner to be creative, sign up for a pottery workshop. Not only will you have a good time, but you may also meet someone.
• Don't count on randomly meeting your perfect partner on the subway or in a coffee shop.

2. If the sofa was not found in the first store, go to the next

Treat your search for a partner as a project. Don't give up after your first attempts and keep looking. Try to be creative. If you prefer sports, sign up for a group section, for example Thai boxing. If you love taking care of animals, start helping the animal shelter. This will expand the circle of acquaintances.

3. Don't be afraid to look desperate

When you go to a furniture store, you don't feel ashamed because you don't have a sofa. Then why should you be ashamed to admit that you don't have a date right now?

Do not be embarrassed and ashamed of your searches. You do not need to play games and be cold to the person who is interested in you in order to awaken even more interest in him. Stay friendly and open to interacting with people who show you sympathy. This will increase your chances of finding love.

4. Choose what suits you

You will not look for a sofa in stores that you cannot afford or that do not suit you for other reasons. This means that you need to be realistic about who you want to see next to you in the future.

Do not look for a partner in a bar if you want him not to drink. And do not waste your time on those who are clearly not interested in a relationship with you or are already engaged.

5. Use your strengths

Before you buy a sofa, you will most likely want to make sure that it will fit in your room and blend in with your decor.

One of my clients said that his strengths are faith, clear moral compass and courtesy in dealing with people. I advised him to look for places where you can meet women who would appreciate these qualities. He stopped looking at bars and dating sites and found a mate among the parishioners of his church.

Try to do the same. For example, if kindness and responsiveness are your strengths, volunteer for a charitable foundation whose values ​​you share. There you will find like-minded people, and perhaps the love of your life.