Why the child is afraid of the teacher and how to help him cope with it

A child's self-esteem directly depends on the opinion of significant adults, including teachers. And sometimes relationships with one of them may not work out. But before you sound the alarm, you should properly understand everything.

Why are children afraid of teachers?

Situations are different, and not every one of them requires the intervention of parents.

A beginner is frightened by an unfamiliar environment

Going to school for the first time, the child experiences stress and anxiety in front of an unfamiliar environment. Just like adults, children need time to adjust to change and understand what to expect from “leadership.”

Moreover, fear can also appear after a long absence from classes - after all, the student understands that he will have to catch up with the program and re-build relationships in the class.

Rules at school and at home are different

Often parents praise and do not raise their voice, and the teacher scolds for mistakes, makes comments and puts bad marks. And even if the teacher does not show particular severity, the contrast of reactions to the same actions of the child will naturally cause him anxiety, uncertainty and fear.

It also happens the other way around, when houses set strict rules and punish them for breaking them. In this case, the child may be afraid even of the teacher who treats everyone neutrally and does not highlight favorites - because he knows that in his case, not a good enough assessment or behavior will lead to punishment from parents.

The child has low self-esteem

If a child perceives any criticism painfully, then the teacher in his eyes turns into an enemy and an offender. Especially when he does not spare the feelings of the student and requires only perfect discipline and academic performance. But also high expectations of parents and lack of praise at home can also be a source of self-esteem problems.

The teacher behaves unprofessionally

It is customary to trust teachers in matters of education, and even strict methods of influencing a child are often perceived by parents as fair and necessary. But severity can sometimes border on cruelty - and this line is not always easy to see.

Remember: the child always needs your participation. But first you need to carefully understand the situation.

It is worth talking to the teacher if he:

• does not let the child go to the toilet during the lesson;
• does not allow to enter the class in case of being late;
• expels from lessons for minor misconduct, appearance, forgotten homework;
• lowers grades or prohibits sharing their opinions in essays and during the lesson;
• raises his voice, insults and criticizes child, especially in public.

How to understand that the child is afraid

The first wake-up call is almost always the child's own complaints. For example, a teacher may be labeled "too strict" or "angry". Another sign: the child refuses to attend classes, cries, pretends to be sick or really gets sick due to accumulated stress.

Oddly enough, the teacher himself can talk about fear - this is a good sign that speaks of the sincere concern of the teacher. You should not wait for the phrase “your child is afraid of me” - most likely, you will be told that he does not want to:

• go to the board;
• answer in class
• show class and homework;
• come to class and prepare for it;
• open up in conversation with the teacher.

It is important to remember that children are defenseless in front of adults, so ignoring such signals can lead to loss trust child, as well as to aggravate the situation and psychological trauma.

How to solve a problem

In no case should you ignore the complaints of the child. Otherwise, you risk losing his trust.

Support the child

Whatever the reason for the fear, don't try to brush it off by saying that the teacher isn't evil at all. When you tell children that their feelings are biased and inappropriate, they learn to doubt themselves—or not to seek help from you in the future.

To help your child overcome fear, discuss with him about what exactly he is afraid of. Maybe it’s the feeling of hurtful words from the teacher, or ridicule from classmates because of bad grades, or that the final grade will not be good enough and he will be banned from playing on the computer.

Your support will help the child realize that his fears are in vain. And if it's not, then at least you'll know what to fight.

Contact a psychologist

It will help you work through your fears. Also, his conclusion can become evidence of the teacher's guilt, if it really is. Choose a specialist you can trust. If you suspect that school psychologist not up to the task, it is better to find another.

Enlist the support of other parents

If it turns out that the child's fears are not groundless, it is worth finding out if other parents have heard similar complaints from their children. It's best to do this before you talk to your teacher or raise the issue at a parent-teacher meeting. Chat in person or create a separate chat. At any stage, a well-thought-out collective complaint will carry more weight than an individual one.

Talk to the teacher

First of all, you need to clearly formulate your claims. Remain calm and listen to the other side of the conflict. Try to emphasize the child's feelings, your desire to find a solution and the consequences that fear of the teacher may lead to in the future.

Contact higher authorities

If the teacher is clearly behaving incorrectly and does not meet halfway, it is possible and necessary to file a complaint with the principal of the school or the department of education. Sufficient grounds for it are considered:

• inadequate and unfair assessment of the child's knowledge;
• psychological pressure on the student, rough treatment;
• the use of physical violence;
• assessment of beliefs and attitudes, not knowledge;
• ignoring the physical and mental condition of the child;
• extortion of money.

The complaint must be supported by evidence: the conclusion of a psychologist, the stories of other children and parents.

The first instance for official appeal is the director. He is interested in preventing the conflict from going beyond the school and preventing unscheduled inspections, so the issue will most likely be resolved at this level.

A higher authority is the regional department of education. He considers complaints both against the teacher and the school as a whole. Contact information can be found on the regional government website.

You can file a complaint in person, by mail, or electronically. Try to include only facts, avoid emotions and don't bring up more than one question. Also, the document should indicate what exactly the teacher violated - in most cases this article 34 Federal Law "On Education in the Russian Federation".

Find a tutor for your child

It happens that the teacher behaves professionally, but the child is still uncomfortable with him: the teaching style does not fit or it is not possible to find a common language due to shyness. This can lead to poor performance. Often there is no way to get to another teacher at school, so classes with tutor. Outside of school, it is easier for children to admit that they do not understand the material.

As soon as the child realizes that he is treated kindly, and the grades will not go to the magazine, he easily makes contact and asks questions. As a rule, this not only helps students in the future, but also has a positive effect on their current academic performance.

Offer to move to another team

If all else fails, discuss with your child the possibility of transferring to another class or school, because the main thing is his safety and psychological comfort.

What not to do

Do not pounce on the teacher with claims from the threshold. And also choose the other extreme, trying to close your eyes to what is happening.

Be aggressive with the teacher

So you will not only not achieve the desired solution and ruin relations with the teaching staff of the school, but also demonstrate to the child a behavior model that he will copy in the future.

Agree to extra classes

The teacher may insist that without them, the child will not succeed. And parents are often afraid to refuse because of the risk that this will negatively affect the teacher's attitude towards the child and the grades. But you shouldn't agree.

Firstly, it is unlikely to be effective: if the child does not understand the subject in the classroom, then it is unlikely that it will become better to understand it in additional classes with the same teacher. Secondly, he will be uncomfortable: he will not be able to relax and ask seemingly stupid questions. In addition, the child will simply be afraid that in the class they will find out about his private lessons and hang up the label of a pet.

In order not to spoil the relationship with the teacher, honestly explain that you are afraid of a conflict of interest: by law, a school teacher has no right to ask for payment for additional lessons with his students.

An extreme measure in this situation may be to contact the management. It is worth resorting to it in case of outright blackmail or the imposition of classes.

Treat the situation as an opportunity to temper the child's character

By ignoring the child's requests for protection, you deprive him of the only leverage available to him to control what is happening. Situations in which we are unable to change anything do not build character, but develop learned helplessness. In the future, such an experience will prevent the child from fulfilling himself and becoming happy.