Modesty decorates? How the habit of not standing out interferes with life

There are many proverbs and sayings about modesty in the Russian language: “Modesty makes a person beautiful”, “Who is more modest is smarter” and so on. From childhood, we are taught that “I” is the last letter in the alphabet, and praising yourself is a bad form. That is, this quality is presented as an unambiguous virtue.

On the other hand, there are many situations where modesty can get in the way. For example, a job interview is unlikely to succeed if you don't present yourself. Yes, even the questionnaire in Tinder must be designed in such a way as to hook potential candidates for lovers.

In general, we clearly have something to discuss.

What is modesty

Before you figure out whether modesty harms or decorates, it is worth agreeing what we mean by this word. After all, definitions can be different, and this leaves room for the imagination. Therefore, we turn to sensible dictionariesModesty / Academician, which mean by this quality the following values:

• The lack of desire to talk about their merits and merits, to put your desires ahead.
• Humility and meekness before people and circumstances, the ability to be content with little.
• Lack of arrogance and arrogance.

Sounds like good. But let's take a look at synonym dictionaryModesty. Synonym dictionary / Academician. For "modesty" they will be as follows: artlessness, meekness, simplicity, unpretentiousness. This is not the whole list, but the synonyms basically no longer look like compliments.

All this together creates a very unambiguous situation. So let's figure it out.

How modesty can be useful

Man knows how to enjoy the little things

If a person truly knows how to be content with little, one can only envy him. He does not participate in the consumption race, does not suffer from the fact that he cannot afford this or that thing. It must be admitted that such an attitude generally makes life easier. For example, you can work at a job you love but underpaid for the sake of pleasure and make do with a small amount of money. salary.

But it works only if the person really feels that way, and is not in captivity of attitudes like “we didn’t live richly, there’s nothing to start.”

Humility can make up for a lack of tact and education

This quality is often contrasted with vulgarity, habalism and other characteristics that make the interlocutor unpleasant. In a sense, this is true, because a modest person will not behave defiantly. However, educated, but immodest, will not do this either.

Therefore, quality can sometimes create the illusion of a good upbringing, which definitely adds points, and a person looks better in the eyes of others.

A humble person is less likely to annoy others

Imagine: here someone lives, is content with little, never boasts, is nothing special. Next to such a character, you feel calm, because he does not threaten your well-being. And it’s always nice to compare yourself with him, because it’s easy to find qualities in yourself that you will definitely win.

So modest people are really often loved - however, not at all for their dignity. And, in the words of vanilla publics, for how cool others feel against their background. That is why a modest person can practically not cause negativity in his address, because there is no reason. However, he also runs the risk of not getting special interest in himself - for the same reason.

What hinders modesty

A modest person irritates others if he has something to boast about.

It will be possible to avoid negativity if the modest person really stands out little. If he has unique personal qualities in his arsenal, an excellent job with a high salary, a house full of water, and so on, and he tries not to shine, this can cause a backlash. Some may perceive this as an attempt to "shrink".

Shy man is easy to manipulate

Let's go back to the definitions: a modest person puts his desires in second place, unpretentious, ready to be content with little... It looks like a description of a suitable object for manipulation. His interlocutor is able to easily push through his desires, negotiate unfavorable conditions, and the like. And if it doesn’t work out, you can always blame him for being immodest.

Modesty hinders self-presentation

It is important to be able to talk about yourself and about your good sides. And this is quite within the bounds of decency. BoastingBoasting. Explanatory Dictionary of Ozhegov S. AND. / Academician - This is an immoderate praise of their merits. And self-presentation is just a statement of facts.

If you do not start talking openly about your best qualities, your contribution to a certain cause, aspirations, there is a risk of really doing little all your life. But not at all out of a desire to be content with it. Bulgakov's idea that you never have to ask for anything, they will offer everything themselves and give everything themselves, looks beautiful. However, in reality, it is rather necessary to first explain what you need and why in order to get it.

The humble have fewer drivers for success

Unpretentiousness and the ability to be content with little are served as virtue. But in general, the desire for fame or better well-being is quite normal. Many inventions and discoveries were made, including thanks to such desires.

If there is no ambition, a person simply will not try to do something great. However, here we need to return to the pluses of modesty: if he does not need it, then it’s good. This is also normal.

How to deal with modesty

If you suddenly notice that modesty is more of a disadvantage for you than a virtue, start with these actions.

Recognize Your Achievements

This can be tricky, especially if you're used to discounting them. However, it is worth taking a piece of paper and a pen (or open an online document, or use any other way to keep records) and make a list of what you can do, what you have achieved, what you understand.

If you find it difficult believe in your achievements, explain why this or that item was on the list. Use numbers, facts. You will probably be surprised how good they are.

Learn to talk about your accomplishments

This is a skill that you can develop in yourself. But follow a few rules.

Don't be shy

Speak about your virtues honestly, without exaggerating them, and certainly not underestimating them. The second may look even more unpleasant for the interlocutor. Let's say you say you ran a kilometer in 3 minutes and add: "But it's certainly slow." Anyone who covers this distance in 7 minutes will feel awkward. Although without a remark about speed, the fact can cause admiration.

Choose who to tell

It is not worth sharing your achievements with everyone and not always. For example, it is hardly necessary to talk about buying a new apartment to someone whose house burned down last week.

Rely on the facts

It is often advised to pass interviews. Instead of the unfounded statement “I am a good employee”, it is better to give arguments why you think so: what have you improved, what have you implemented, what measurable results have you achieved? This technique works in any conversation.

Allow yourself to dream and wish

Sometimes people are content with little, not because they like asceticism and minimalism, or because they are completely satisfied with the life situation. Often behind unpretentiousness is a prohibition to want more. The reasons are different: for example, negative attitudes can work, including the idea that being modest is good, but striving for wealth is bad.

You can find out about your true desires if you allow yourself to pronounce them.