Why you should allow yourself to judge others

Sociologist Todd Rose and neuroscientist Augie Ogas studied The Dark Horse Project / Laboratory for the Science of Individuality / Harvard Graduate School of Education "dark horses". So they called people who succeed in spite of circumstances, winners whose achievements no one expected. The scientists noted that all participants in the study had one thing in common: complete satisfaction from self-realization. Several factors contributed to this, one of which Rose and Ogas identified as micromotives. And so that each person can find their own, the researchers proposed an unusual way - the “judgment game”.

What is the peculiarity of micromotives

They form the emotional core of our individuality. What we want or don't want determines who we are on a deep level. When we do what is in line with our micro-motives, we are completely satisfied with our lives. And if we ignore them, then we reduce our progress and go astray from the right path for us.

This can be seen in the case of Saul Shapiro, the "dark horse" of Rose and Ogas' study. Saul has a very unusual micromotive: he likes to put things in order with his own hands. When he sees a loose wheel or crooked hanging picture, he immediately wants to fix everything. This is his sincere and deeply personal inner motive.

During the study, Saul shared his favorite college memory. When a design professor asked him to carve a sphere out of wood with his own hands, Saul literally became obsessed. After he completed the task, he put his sphere in a bag that he carried with him everywhere. He spent days sticking his hand into his bag to feel the bumps, and then returned to the workshop and smoothed them out. He liked to correct flaws. When Saul gave the sphere to the professor, it was so perfect that the professor couldn't believe that the student didn't use the machine, but did everything himself.

You are probably thinking: “Nice, but for what professions would such a micro-motif come in handy?” There are several options. For example, orthodontics is a branch of dentistry focused on correcting dentoalveolar anomalies. Or electromechanics, which Sol Shapiro chose. He was hired as an engineer to solve a difficult technical problem - to create a physical interface that will convert an electrical signal from an old copper wire into a laser signal for a newly invented fiber optic cable. This job required parts to be aligned to a fraction of a micron.

Sol did the job. Moreover, its development began to be widely used throughout the telecommunications industry. Saul's employer received a huge amount of money, and he himself received only a small bonus. This made him rethink his career. “I saw guys with master's degrees in business who made presentations. Not only did they earn more than me, but they also ran companies. I began to think that maybe I should become one of them, ”Saul Shapiro said.

He gave up his career as an engineer, which had completely satisfied him, and plunged into the work of a middle manager. However, his micromotives did not coincide with the new position. Saul disliked setting goals for employees, making new connections, presenting his ideas, and convincing others of the value of his ideas. ideas. His main micro-motives - doing something with his hands, fiddling with gadgets and mechanisms, doing mathematical calculations, working alone and fixing things - were forgotten.

Sol spent the next 16 years in a series of ups and downs. Mostly falls. He has worked as a middle manager in media and tech organizations. But by the age of 40 it is already did not take to these positions, and he could not become an engineer again, because his knowledge was outdated.

At 53, Saul Shapiro worked part-time at a tax company for $10 an hour. He not only did not feel satisfied with what he was doing, but also did not receive a lot of money, and after all, this was once the main reason for changing careers.

The only thing that still mattered to Sol was the ability to work for himself. However, he did not want to start a business from scratch, so he met with a franchise broker and found out what franchises can be bought in New York. Shapiro's attention was drawn to upholstered furniture.

He had never done this before, but he knew that success in this business depended on the ability to select fabrics, which Sol knew and loved. In addition, he could work with his hands and immediately see the result of his efforts. In addition, he could work from home, so there is no need to buy a business premises. And he could also work alone, which means he wouldn't have to hire employees.

In 2013, Saul Shapiro opened an upholstery upholstery franchise in Manhattan. He quickly achieved success and now tidies up things for hotels in Times Square, Broadway productions and TV stars.

“People who know me will agree that now I have the most happy period throughout his career. I like everything that I do almost every day, says Saul. I have gained financial stability. And in the end, I figured out how to combine my natural abilities with a source of livelihood.

Sol Shapiro figured out his micro-motives after spending years in a job that was completely inappropriate for him. But not everyone has such an opportunity. Fortunately, there are other ways to find your micromotives. For example, by observing your instinctive reactions. Rose and Ogas call it the judgment game.

How to Find Micromotives with the Judgment Game

Think back to how often you judged someone in the past week. Maybe a colleague, a celebrity or a stranger in line ahead of you. It's time to use these honest reactionsto learn something useful about yourself.

Our micro-motives are made up of deep-seated feelings that include subtle preferences, open desires, and hidden longings. The main goal of the Judgment Game is to use your instinctive reactions to untangle your little inner wires and connect each one to the right power source. There are three main steps in this game.

1. Catch the moment when you are judging someone

We do it all the time. React to others - our doctor, neighbor or the celebrity on the cover of a magazine is a natural part of human nature. Try to notice when you do it.

2. Listen to the emotions you get when you judge someone

A violent reaction will indicate that you are on the way to revealing the micro-motive. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative. First of all, it is important to notice everything that causes you very strong feelings. Remember that your job is to connect to your emotional core.

3. Ask yourself why you are experiencing these feelings

The main thing is to be honest with yourself. Let's say you watched an interview with a Hollywood actor and experienced mixed emotions. Ask yourself what you liked and what you didn't. If you feel uncomfortable with the selfishness of an actor or his open passion for money, then these are not the best motivators for you.

On the other hand, if after reading Saul Shapiro's story you thought, “Come on, he's just fixing furniture. Let's not pretend he's successful!" — you also learned something about your micromotives. Like what status and wide recognition are very important to you. And this is absolutely normal. To build a life that you enjoy, you need to do what kindles the fire in you.

The hardest thing about finding micromotives is to resist stereotypes about what they should be. For example, that we should want to be rich or help others. But such patterns only suppress our real micromotives. Playing judgment helps break the vicious circle, but only if you are mindful.

Let's look at two situations. The first is that you watched the park ranger while you were sitting in a cafe nearby, and positively appreciated this job: “A whole day in nature is exactly what I need!” This is your first reaction, but you need to dig farther. Caretaker's profession is not particularly associated with work in a team. And you ask yourself questions: “How can he spend so much time alone? Am I ready little to communicate with those around you?" Even if the answer is no, you are still one step closer to your micromotives. Now you know that you would like to be closer to nature, but also to communicate with other people.

The second situation - you watched a movie about a collector and thought: "Well, I would also like to hunt for debtors." Here again, you need to dig deeper. You need to find out what exactly attracted you: the process of calculating and searching for a person or interacting with him in order to repay a debt. Are you inspired by the opportunity to catch someone who doesn't want to be caught? Or is it a matter of restoring justice? When it comes to micromotives, every detail matters.

The main goal of the game of condemnation is not to evaluate other people and their actions, they have nothing to do with it at all. The point is to feel the contours of your desires using your strong emotional reactions. In the judgment game, you are the player and the judge. Only you can know for sure how deeply you have revealed your micromotives.

To get used to the game of judgment, it may take time. But it is much more reliable and effective than any motivation tests. They ignore one of the main aspects of micromotives - the existence of conflicting desires, for example the need to communicate and the need to be alone or the desire to follow the rules and the desire rebel. When you accept the diversity of your micromotives, even the most incompatible ones add up to a single goal.