How to survive a breakup: 6 tips from Lifehacker readers
Miscellaneous / / July 03, 2022
Try giving up social media, finding a hobby, and writing a special letter.
«Let me know” is a rubric for the stories of our readers. Every week we launch a survey and look forward to your comments. We have already released article about how to get over a breakup. This time we decided to invite you to the discussion and ask you to share your experience. Here are the tips we received.
1. Find a hobby
Anonymous
I was a flight attendant and spent about 3 years preparing to become a pilot. But one day I realized that I wanted to work in the cockpit rather for prestige. It hit me hard and destroyed even a hint of what I want to do in the future. Then I went on a binge for a year. I drank almost daily to rid myself of intrusive negative thoughts and fall asleep.
So I ended the relationship. The girl left, tired of waiting for the situation to improve. Right before the proposal I was going to make her.
The first month was hard, but I managed to quit alcohol. It was impossible to kill yourself, choking on alcohol, waking up with a feeling of your own helplessness. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself.
On the contrary, I needed to realize that I was wrong. Get over your pride. Well, the most difficult thing is to accept and realize that nothing more connects us. Throw empty hopes for the resumption of relations.
Hobbies helped me get through this - I strongly advise you to get them. If you have financial problems, you can pay attention to inexpensive ones. In them you will find peace in difficult moments. Everyone can find themselves in a difficult situation, and not everyone will be able to maintain an emotional resource.
For example, I found salvation in physical activity, chants, communication with English-speaking acquaintances from other countries - the study of different cultures ventilates the head well.
2. Break contacts and get rid of reminders
Anonymous
Only time will help to forget about a person. But you can speed up its course by deleting the contacts of the person with whom you broke up and unsubscribing from all his social networks - so that your hands do not itch to return everything.
In addition, you can immediately make new acquaintances. Try to plan your free time so that there is no opportunity to think about the reasons for the breakup. For example, hit work, look TV series, learn a new hobby or devote more time to household chores and your loved ones.
3. Write a "letter of resentment"
Anonymous
I wrote a letter to my ex on the advice of a psychologist. The goal was to reach the feeling of love for the addressee. At first it seemed strange to me: on the contrary, I wanted to get rid of hopes for a relationship. But when I did this, I realized: if you truly love a person, you have the resource to let him go. In addition, in a letter you can finally express all your emotions, throw out your resentment.
It is necessary to allocate an hour or two - so that no one bothers or distracts. The letter should talk about the emotions that arose in some situations, the reasons for their feelings and inner experiences. You can call the “addressee” names in every possible way without censoring your speech. Can get angry on him. When a feeling of lightness appears inside, when it seems that you really let the person go, then the effect is achieved and you can stop.
The psychologist also gave me a scheme for writing:
- Dear (s) !!!
- I'm mad at you for...
- I resent you for...
- I was hurt when you...
- I'm scared that...
- I am disappointed that…
- I am sad that...
- I am sorry that…
- I thank you for...
- I love you / I release you with love.
Very important: no one needs to send and show the letter to anyone. It is worth writing it just for yourself as a therapeutic exercise.
4. Arrange life in a new way
Mila Grigorieva
I was married for 4 years. They divorced on my initiative, because I was tired of enduring his betrayals and endless job searches.
After parting, she walked a lot, talked with friends, restored old ties. She also rented an apartment and for the first time began to live alone. It's such a thrill! Finally, I have a complete order at home, I do not have to prepare bowls of food, and I can read books until the morning.
5. Do not look back at the past and focus on a new life
Anonymous
Love to me is like addiction from alcohol, cigarettes, drugs. Sometimes you can even physically feel the pain of a breakup. So I came up with this plan:
- Eliminate the impact of harmful factors: scrolling through social networks, meetings (under any pretext), calls, SMS, viewing joint photos. Everything that reminds, we remove, delete and close. We take a different route, use a different public transport, and so on.
- Workout.
- Do what you have been planning for a long time - go on vacation, study, start repairs.
- Stop constantly thinking about who left whom, who did well, and who did badly. It's already happened. You just need to draw conclusions.
6. Sign up with a psychologist
Anonymous
Working with a psychologist helped me. I changed my focus from intrusive thoughts of coming back and resentment at thoughts about myself and how I can take care of myself. I went in for sports, began to communicate more with friends, bought a car. And worries, and cool impressions have increased!
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