“I give up”: 6 signs that in this situation you should not fight further

When to Give Up

Ideas of achievement are strong in society. Therefore, you always want to be faster, higher, better and go towards your goals without turning off. If you strive to achieve results that can be presented to this very society, you are doing well. If you refuse them, this is often perceived as weakness and the collapse of all hopes.

But sometimes giving up is the best option. This will save energy and free up time for something more important. Here are a few situations where you should stop.

1. You realized that this goal was imposed on you

You always want to believe that these people around are subject to someone else's influence. And we are with you conscious and we understand everything about ourselves. However, this is a trap that the best of us fall into. It happens that you struggle with some task, you do everything to achieve the goal. An inner voice says, "Come on, you need it." And then you listen - but he is not yours. He sounds like

mother's, like the voice of one or the other who rejected you at the age of 15, like the voice of a teacher who predicted you the profession of a janitor ...

And suddenly it turns out that you don’t really need all this. In some cases, energy is spent on proving something to a person who will never know about it at all. You may remember how, on How I Met Your Mother, Barney, as a child, boasted to a school friend that he had 200 women. As a result, he slept with 200 partners, spent a lot of energy to find a classmate, told him about it. And he, to put it mildly, was not imbued with the achievement.

If you suddenly realize that a goal has been imposed on you, it’s okay to give it up and start all over again. Just move in the direction you have chosen.

2. Your goals have changed

Life is long and full of events. It is not surprising that life priorities may change. Accordingly, the meaning of all previous goals is transformed, and even nullified. Which in this case can be waived.

Usually this is not very welcomed by the same society. If a person wanted one thing yesterday and another tomorrow, he is considered frivolous. But, by and large, what difference does it make who thinks what. A change of vector can be called frivolity when a person acts irrationally, does not predict the consequences, is not ready to face them and take responsibility for what happened. And if he decides to change with a sober head, it remains only to admire him.

If you find yourself going in the wrong direction, you will turn around and walk in the other direction. It is unlikely that you will shrug your shoulders and say: “Well, since you have already started, you must reach the end.” Why should the life path, which is more important, be treated differently?

3. The end does not justify the means

Achieving any goal is associated with a certain set of actions that need to be performed. It happens that the amount of effort and cost is simply incomparable with the expected result. This can be compared to participating in some kind of promotion, when you need to collect a million caps from a drink for 100 rubles in order to get a trinket for 50 rubles with the company logo.

And sometimes we can talk about ideological differences. For example, to keep a job and keep going up the corporate ladder, you need to lie or set someone up. But the person from this example is not like that, it contradicts his beliefs. On one side of the scale is the goal, on the other - the right to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling disgust.

If you are not one of those who believe that the result can be obtained at any cost, then it is okay to give up on the goal if it takes too much. Perhaps there is even greater strength in this than in going to the last.

4. The path to the goal makes you unhappy

The result is the end of the path, the destination. And the route itself is long. And you spend your most precious resource on it - time.

Many are guided by the motivation that now you need to be patient, but then everything will be fine. But there is a risk that it will not get better. Or won't no later. Therefore, it is important that the path to the goal makes your life better, and not destroy it. If every step is difficult, it may not be worth it.

5. You have already invested too much in achieving the goal, but there is no result on the horizon

Exists cognitive distortionH. R. Arkes, C. Blumer The psychology of sunk cost / Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processesassociated with sunk costs: the more resources you invest in something, the more significant the goal seems and the more you are willing to give in order to achieve it.

Therefore, for example, people do not stop investing in unprofitable projects - after all, so much has already been spent, it's a pity to refuse. Therefore, they do not leave the casino when they have lost a significant amount, but try to recoup. Or they do not end a long-term relationship that has not brought joy for a long time.

And here it is important to stop in time, even if a lot has already been invested, to fix the loss and not to spend even more resources.

6. You don't believe that everything will work out

Motivation essential to the achievement of any goal. If you continue to fight, but no longer believe in success, deep down you have already given up. So there is no point in continuing to spur the dead horse on, just get off it.

How to know when to give up

It is important to realize that achieving any goal is a rather complicated process. From time to time you will encounter obstacles. And it can be tempting to give up everything, even if it is an important goal for you, on which you work with joy, and all investments pay off.

Therefore, it is worth not chopping off your shoulder, but how you should think everything over, weigh the pros and cons. And only then to refuse (or not) from their undertakings.

To make it easier, you can use two methods that help to make decisions. The first is more connected with the rational component, the second - with the emotional.

1. Draw a Descartes Square

For this method, a square is usually drawn, divided into four cells. But in general, the form is not important, the four questions that you have to answer are important:

1. What will happen if this happens?
2. What happens if this doesn't happen?
3. What will happen if this happens?
4. What won't happen if it doesn't happen?

Let's say you're studying at a university, realizing that profession not yours at all. You, in general, were not going to enter here, but your parents insisted. And you wanted to do not jurisprudence, but design. And so you think: maybe give up everything and start over? Let's use Descartes' square:

• What happens if you leave university? Parents will be upset. You may be left without a higher education if you decide not to enroll anymore. Guys can get into the army, this point needs to be considered. And you will have to quickly look for a job.
• What happens if you don't drop out of university? You will spend several years of your life on an uninteresting business. Perhaps then, by inertia, get a job. There is a chance that you will get involved and start enjoying law. Or will hate every weekday.
• What will not happen if you leave the university? There is a risk that you will never do what you love.
• What will not happen if you do not leave the university? Public condemnation, scandals in the family.

The square does not give ready-made answers, but it helps to prioritize and understand how it is more profitable to act.

2. Use the 10/10/10 rule

Ask yourself three questions:

1. How will I feel or what will happen in 10 minutes?
2. And after 10 months?
3. And in 10 years?

Let's take the example of a university. Let's say you decide to quit. 10 minutes after this thought, you will probably be very scared. Ahead of a conversation with parents and suspense. The university gives a rough plan for several years, and then you have to draw it up again. After 10 months, you may regret what you have done, miss your classmates and the university atmosphere. Or learn a new profession, work in a desired field and feel completely different. In 10 years, you will remember your experience as an adventure.

These are random answers, they may be completely different for you. The principle is important: how do you evaluate your feelings about this or that decision.