4 ways to say "no" without saying "no"

It's hard to refuse. We are often afraid to say “no” because we worry that it will call into question how good we are. We are afraid of losing the favor of others or even letting them down and disappointing them.

The word “no” is so strongly associated with guilt and fear that we try to quickly agree to everything. Even if we are stuck up to our ears in deadlines, we can no longer refuse and not fulfill the “small request” of a colleague, acquaintance or relative. Count how many of these “small favors” you provide per week and you will understand why you can hardly stand on your feet while others use your resources with might and main.

The ability to say "no" is necessary not only to protect personal boundaries, but also to maintain a reputation. When we take on new projects too often, like at work, we inevitably have to sacrifice quality for quantity. And if the quality is lame, others remember it, no matter how many beautiful things we have done before.

Luckily, you don't have to say "no" to say no. This can be done in other ways as well.

How to say no without saying no

1. Specify dates

When someone asks for a favor, the ego often wakes up inside us, which wants to once again demonstrate how beautiful we are. As a result, we confidently promise that everything will be ready tomorrow.

Instead, it's best to always ask what date the request should be done by. Perhaps she will wait until the end of the week or even a month. Of course, urgent matters cannot be avoided. The main thing is to stop thinking that absolutely all requests are urgent.

2. Set realistic expectations

The next time you're asked for a favor, replace the momentary consent with one simple phrase: "I'll check my schedule and get back to you later."

This magical answer will allow you to take a little pause. During this time, you can check your schedule, take a look at the tasks you are already working on, and decide whether you can complete the request or not.

If too much time if you don't, the answer might be, "I'm loaded until Monday. What if I take care of your question on Tuesday? This will not be a direct refusal, but will let the interlocutor understand that you put your own priorities and tasks first.

Of course, this method is not suitable for urgent cases. But its essence is to unlearn saying "yes" too quickly, forgetting about your problems.

3. Suggest an alternative

We all want to please others sometimes. However, it is important to learn to do this not at the expense of your projects, tasks and well-being.

If you receive a request that you cannot comply with, offer another solution. For example: “Now I can’t do it in any way, but I can give contacts of another specialist or a link to a site that will help resolve the issue.”

It is not always necessary to sacrifice your time. If you can help a person deal with his problem in a different way, it is no less valuable.

4. Let someone else set priorities

What do you do when your boss asks for a favor? Instead of saying “yes” right away, try answering in a different way: “I am currently working on several tasks. Which of them do you consider more of a priority? What should I focus on first?

Such an answer will show the interlocutor that you are already quite busy and now he must decide how you need to allocate time. This will remind the boss that every task requires strength and new tasks make you pay less attention to old ones. This means that the boss will have to redistribute your load himself.

Why learning to say no is important

Not all cases are urgent, and not all cases are created equal. Learning to say “no” is life-changing. We stop being a hostage to our schedule and become its creator.

At first, you will be uncomfortable with rejection. Moreover, you will scold yourself for what a bad person you are. But as soon as you notice that the world has not collapsed, and those around you have not ceased to treat you with respect, it will become much easier.

We get what we are willing to endure. If you enjoy being the person who always says yes, ask yourself what price you pay for it. Someone else's inability to plan should not turn into your urgent tasks. We all know people who sit back for weeks, and when the deadline comes, they blame their problems on others. You may want to regularly check in on how they are doing and ask ahead of time if they need help in the next couple of weeks.

But do not hope that your ability to plan will teach such people to manage their time, instead of constantly wreaking havoc on your schedule. When a person sees that you give up everything you do for the sake of his problems, he has no motivation to solve them on his own.

Once you allow yourself to put your life and work first, you will have plenty of time for the really important things. Remember what he wrote in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: “You need to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage to say no to everything else politely, with a smile and without justification. You can do it if you have a big “yes” burning inside you.”