Why humility is the most important quality to develop in yourself

Modern society pays too much attention to external achievements - how we look, where we work, what lifestyle we lead. Most are accustomed to "keep a face" in any situation, so even the smallest glimpses of humility seem like a breath of fresh air. Why is it so difficult for us to manifest this beautiful quality? Maybe because it is associated with weakness, although in fact it is one of the signs of inner strength? Let's try to find answers to these questions.

Why humility is good

When we meet someone who possesses this virtue, our shoulders relax, our heart begins to beat a little quieter, and the invisible hand, nervously clutching the insides, loosens its grip. Why? Because we understand that we are seen, heard and accepted as we are, with all the shortcomings. This attitude is a very rare and valuable gift that breaks even the strongest protective walls.

Truly humble and humble people can give this feeling because they accept their strengths and their weaknesses without judgment. According to scientists, this is precisely the key sign of humility that nourishes the feeling

compassion.

Such self-acceptance can only arise from an inner sense of self-worth. Neither multimillion-dollar fees, nor an ideal body, nor likes in social networks will give this feeling. People who are blessed with humility appreciate small but meaningful things that benefit others.

In addition, such people view life as an endless learning experience and understand that no one is perfect. And this means that we can work on ourselves and be open to new ideas, advice and criticism without compromising our self-esteem.

The most striking example of this quality is Mahatma Gandhi. His story is direct proof of what a leader endowed with humility can achieve and how such people are useful to society.

Psychologists Heidi Wayment and Jack J. Bauer wrote bookH.A. Wayment, J. bauer. Transcending self-interest: Psychological explorations of the quiet ego about the "quiet ego". This concept is very similar to what we call humility. The bottom line is that when we control our ego, we become much less aggressive, less likely to manipulate others and lie less. Instead, we take responsibility for our mistakes and correcting them, listening to the ideas of others and sensibly assessing our abilities.

Humility can greatly improve not only our lives, but also our relationships with others. People with this quality more efficientN. Krause, K.I. Pargament, et al. Humility, stressful life events, and psychological well-being: Findings from the landmark spirituality and health survey / The Journal of Positive Psychology cope with stress and feel much better and physicallyN. Krause. Religious Involvement, Humility, and Self‑Rated Health / Social Indicators Research, and emotionallyP.J. Jankowski, S.J. Sandage, et al. Differentiation‑based models of forgivingness, mental health and social justice commitment: Mediator effects for differentiation of self and humility / The Journal of Positive Psychology. In addition, they often show generosity and gratitude, as well as helping others. All this attracts people around them.

How to develop humility

Considering everything we know about this quality, it is not so easy to develop it. However, the effort is definitely worth it, if only for the sake of the inner freedom that will appear when we finally stop hiding the “uncomfortable” parts of ourselves, but come to terms with them. In other words, working on humility will help open the heart to understanding and empathy. Here are a few ways to get started.

Accept your humanity

When we fail at something very important to us, such as in our personal life or career, our self-esteem sinks to the bottom. This happens because our internal sense of value is directly related to external events. We become “bad” and “unworthy” people in one second, and the path back to stable self-esteem can take a very long time.

People with developed humility are alien to such a model of seeing the world. They generate their value from within. Therefore, when they fail miserably in some business, they understand that this is just a failure, and not proof of their worthlessness. After all, they are people, and people make mistakes.

Psychologists Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman in their book Strengths and Virtues: A Guide and Classification suggest that a sense of intrinsic value stems from a secure type of attachment or other emotionally healthy connection with close person. Usually this is the one who looked after us in childhood. Unconditional acceptance and love become a kind of shield that protects against dangerous manifestations of criticism and failure.

Unfortunately, few can boast of such a positive experience. Research showS. Moulin, J. Waldfogel, E. washbrook. Baby Bonds: Parenting, attachment and a secure base for children that only 60% of adults have a reliable type of attachment. However, this does not mean that we are doomed. You can and should work with your type of attachment. This article will allow you to take the first steps.

Practice mindfulness and self-compassion

People who have the virtue of humility judge themselves soberly. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and this helps them understand what needs to be worked on.

Mindfulness allows you to pause and listen to your thoughts and feelings. Moreover, it helps to do this without judgment, which always distorts the way we see the situation. The more consciously we approach our inner state, the easier it becomes to notice the habits and beliefs that limit us. And here self-compassion is included in the process - we accept our not very pleasant qualities, we learn kindness and understanding, first of all, in relation to ourselves.

When we accept what needs to be changed, we can start the process of transformation. Start replacing negative thoughts and actions with positive ones, and eventually you won't recognize yourself.

express gratitude

A simple "thank you" means that we notice the gifts that life gives us and realize the value of other people. Regular practice of gratitude helps to turn off selfishness and take a good look around.

Research confirmE. Kruse, J. Chancellor, et al. An upward spiral between gratitude and humility / Social Psychological and Personality Sciencethat gratitude and humility feed off each other. We become better when we regularly say “thank you” to the people around us and the world.

Keep a gratitude journal and every night write down three things you want to be thankful for in life. Or try writing thank you letters, for example, to people who have done something nice for you or helped you in some way.

Perhaps the greatest key to humility is to see life as an adventurous journey towards the qualities that make us, those around us, and the world better. Nelson Mandela said: “First of all, you need to be honest with yourself. You can't change society if you don't change yourself. Great peacemakers are people of decency, honesty and humility.”