Why it's time to stop believing in the myth of the alpha male

The modern world is full of false contrasts: the left hemisphere of the brain against the right, nature against nurture. But one of the most enduring myths that has destroyed many lives is the division into alpha and beta males. According to this theory, there are two types of men.

Alpha males occupy the highest rung of the social hierarchy. They are strong, wealthy and always surrounded by women who are easily conquered due to their physical qualities and inner superiority. They are often described as "real men».

Beta males are the exact opposite. They are weak, submissive and passive, their social status is very low. Women pay attention to them only when they decide to settle down and find a "good guy" to start a family.

This division, which is often based on observations of certain social animals such as chimpanzees or wolves, paints a black and white picture. This notion not only simplifies the many facets of masculinity and underestimates the true abilities of men, but also completely ignores what really attracts women.

As the saying goes, when you only have a hammer, everything around you looks like a nail. When we impose just two categories of men on the world, we unnecessarily push young people to behave in certain ways. And it does not help at all to create and maintain healthy relationships with women or achieve success in other areas of life.

Therefore, it is worth understanding how the so-called alpha behavior, in particular dominance, is actually associated with attractiveness, respect and status in society.

Dominance and attraction

Let's start with one of the earliest researchE. K. Sadalla, D. T. Kenrick, b. Vershure. Dominance and heterosexual attraction / Journal of Personality and Social Psychologywho studied the relationship between dominant behavior and attractiveness. Its authors presented the participants with video and text scripts in which two men appeared. They differed only in how they behaved - dominantly or non-dominantly.

Here is an excerpt from a script with a dominant character:

“John is 177 cm tall and weighs 75 kg. He has been playing tennis for a year and has signed up for advanced classes. Despite little experience, John has excellent coordination - he won 60% of matches.

He has a very strong serve, and he also perfectly reflects the blows of opponents. In addition, John has impressive mental abilities that help him achieve success in tennis. He loves to compete with others and is not afraid of more experienced players. Each of his movements demonstrates superiority and power. He affects opponents psychologically, knocking them out of the game and forcing them to make mistakes.

And this is a description of a hero with radically opposite characteristics (the first part of the scenarios remained unchanged):

“... His serve and reflection of attacks are consistent and well-built. Despite being a good player, John prefers to play for his own pleasure rather than to win. He is not too ambitious and is easily inferior to more experienced tennis players. Authoritative rivals quickly confuse him. Strong opponents are able to dominate him psychologically, forcing John out of the game. He loves tennis but avoids tough competition."

The results of four studies showed that the dominant John looked sexually more attractive, although as husband it was considered less pleasant and desirable. And it seems to only confirm the theory that, in an intimate sense, alpha males attract more than beta males. But don't jump to conclusions.

In further research, the researchers looked at individual words to determine exactly which descriptions were actually considered sexually attractive. The adjective “dominant” turned out to be just that, but “aggressive” and “powerful” did not increase the sexual attractiveness of either men or women.

Let's consider one more studyJ. M. Burger, M. Cosby. Do women prefer dominant men? The case of the missing control condition / Journal of Research in Personality. The researchers asked 118 female students to read the same scenarios with the dominant and submissive tennis player John, but with one change. In the experiment, a control group appeared, which saw only the first three sentences, which dealt with appearance, experience in playing tennis and 60% of wins. As in the previous study, the girls found the dominant John to be sexually more attractive. However, the highest rating sexuality received John, with whom the control group was "acquainted"!

What's the matter here? Well, the three-sentence short description was definitely not sexually appealing. It is more likely that information about dominant and non-dominant behavior in isolation from other data about the hero made him less desirable. Scientists have concluded that a simple division based on dominance is of rather dubious value for women when it comes to choosing a partner.

Then the specialists decided to diversify the descriptions of John. The participants of the experiment from the first group, along with the initial characteristics of the dominant hero, were given the results of his personal test, where among the main features were the epithets "aggressive", "persistent", "confident", "demanding" and, of course, "dominant". For the second group, John was endowed with opposite qualities: "good-natured", "quiet", "vulnerable", "shy" and "submissive". The control group again only read the first three sentences.

The researchers asked the girls what traits of John make them ideal for dating and long-term romantic relationships. In the first group, only one out of 50 female students chose the definition "dominant". “Confident” was popular (72% for dates, 74% for relationships) and "persistent" (48% for dating, 36% for relationships). None of the participants chose a "demanding" partner, and only 12% would like an "aggressive" one.

In the second group, the top ranks were "good-natured" (68% for dating, 64% for relationships) and "vulnerable" (76% for dating and relationships). “Submissive” was not chosen by anyone, and “shy” and “quiet” were in last place (2% for dates and 0% for relationships and 4% for dates and 2% for relationships, respectively).

This analysis shows that dominance can take many forms. A dominant, tough and selfish man is not attractive to most women, while a dominant, assertive and self-confident man is. Scientists have suggested that a man who dominates others due to his leadership qualities and other superior abilities, will be considered a more suitable partner than one who does not possess these advantages.

Another interesting result: sensitivity and persistence are not at all opposites to each other. Further analysis showed that this is the most attractive combination. According to the data three studiesL. A. Jensen-Campbell, W. G. Graziano, S. G. West. Dominance, prosocial orientation, and female preferences: Do nice guys really finish last? / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it is the combination of dominant behavior with prosocial behavior that is considered the most sexually attractive for women. That is, dominance reinforces attractiononly if the man demonstrates altruism and benevolence.

In addition, researchers determinedJ. K. Snyder, L. A. Kirkpatrick, H. C. Barrett. The dominance dilemma: Do women really prefer dominant mates? / Personal Relationshipsthat alpha traits only attract women in the context of a confrontation between two men. At the same time, girls do not like it if a young man uses aggressive dominance (uses force or threat of force) in communication with his peers. In other words, the boy that all the girls are crazy about can overwhelm opponents from another school during a football game and remain affable and friendly with his classmates.

The ability to distinguish shades of dominance and analyze how they are combined with kindness, is necessary not only for understanding the mechanisms of sexual attraction. It also affects the evolution of social status.

The Path of Dominance and the Path of Prestige

Members of our species can gain high social status and its attendant benefits when choosing a sexual partner through cooperation and empathy, and not just through aggression and intimidation. Experts in ethnography, ethology, sociology and sociolinguistics are sure that in evolutionary history at different times and for different purposes appearedJ. Henrich, F. J. Gil-White. The evolution of prestige: Freely conferred deference as a mechanism for enhancing the benefits of cultural transmission / Evolution and Human Behavior at least two paths to high social status: dominance and prestige.

The path of dominance is built on intimidation, threats and coercion and fueledJ. L. Tracy, J. T. Cheng, et al. Authentic and hubristic Pride: The affective core of self‑esteem and narcissism / Self and Identity haughty pride. This feeling is associated with arrogance, vanity, antisocial behavior, with a tendency to unstable relationships, with low level of awareness, neuroticism, narcissism and mental health problems. It is arrogant pride and the sense of superiority associated with it that motivates aggressive and hostile behavior, as well as the manipulation of others.

Prestige is different. It is built on self-confidence, achievement and the associated emotional uplift and fueledJ. L. Tracy, J. T. Cheng, et al. Authentic and hubristic Pride: The affective core of self‑esteem and narcissism / Self and Identity genuine pride. It is characterized by prosocial, benefit-oriented behavior, agreeableness, conscientiousness, healthy relationships with others and mental well-being. Another important characteristic is genuine self-esteem, when a person considers himself valuable, but does not put himself above the rest. Genuine pride promotes behavior that helps achieve prestige. Self-confident, pleasant, hard-working, energetic and empathetic people with a sense of self-worth always inspire others and are an example to follow.

Advocates of dominance as the only path to alpha male status often cite chimpanzee behavior as evidence. However, research confirmedSmall male chimps use politics, rather than aggression, to lead the pack / ScienceDailythat even among primates, a privileged position can be achieved not only through size and physical strength, but also through social skills and concern for others.

Prestige Benefits

The first thought that may arise after studying all these studies: dominance is bad, prestige is good. In fact, everything is not so simple. When talking about alpha and beta males, we often forget about one important thing - context. Of course, the owner of a large successful company has a very high status in society. But imagine that he did some serious fraud and got into prison, where he was already at the lowest level of the hierarchy. A person can be alpha in one group and beta in another.

In a threatening situation, the value of a dominant man increases because he knows how to get what he wants and can ensure the safety of those who obey him and follow him. He doesn't need any other skills besides strength and intimidation. But apart from this situation, that is, in most cases, the palm belongs to the “prestigious” man, because he is able to succeed in a variety of circumstances.

During one researchJ. T. Chenga, J. L. Tracya, J. Henrich. Pride, personality, and the evolutionary foundations of human social status / Evolution and Human Behavior with collegiate athletes, it was found that dominant young people have lower levels of genuine self-esteem, they are less accommodating and rather intolerant. At the same time, they tend to be more narcissism and aggression, they are more active and conscientious. Their peers rated them highly for athletic and leadership qualities, but gave low scores for altruism, cooperation, ethics, and morality.

"Prestigious" young people, on the contrary, showed lower levels of aggression and neuroticism and higher levels of genuine self-esteem, tolerance and acceptance. Even their grades were better. Like their dominant peers, the "prestigious" were named the best leaders and athletes. At the same time, they were also considered more intelligent, altruistic and ready to cooperate, their social skills and desire to be useful, to follow the norms of ethics and morality were noted.

These results clearly show that dominance and prestige are different ways of achieving and maintaining status. But it is worth emphasizing once again: strength, leadership, kindness and morality can be combined in one person, and the division into the categories “alpha” and “beta” only clouds the real perspective of how a man able to become.

Dominance is beneficial in a limited number of scenarios, while prestige is much more valued in almost any context. Because of their genuine pride, "prestigious" people are more likely to enjoy respect, recognition in society, and therefore success.

This question can also be looked at from a different angle. Dominance is a short-term strategy on the path to success, prestige is a long-term one. Yes, dominant behavior will allow you to win what you want, but it will not help you keep it. When a male chimpanzee becomes "alpha", he does not enjoy his new status for long: soon an even stronger male appears, who challenges him to a fight and throws him off the throne. In the history of mankind, the Mongols and vikings dominated other peoples, were "alpha", but failed to adapt and disappeared. At the same time, "prestigious" historical figures, such as the Founding Fathers of the United States, left behind a legacy that still lives on.

To each his own

Neither alpha nor beta males are the most desirable for women. Taken together, studies show that perfect man for dates or relationships, it is persistent, self-confident, good-natured and sensitive, but in no way aggressive, demanding, quiet, shy, dominant or accommodating. In other words, this is a "prestigious" and not a dominant man.

Moreover, it is the combination of perseverance with kindness that is considered the most attractive in a partner for both short-term and long-term relationships. This should somewhat reassure the sincerely kind and enthusiastic boyswho are pushed by more aggressive peers.

The path of prestige leads not only to women's hearts, but also to great achievements in any field. I think it's much better to develop not the qualities of a dominant alpha male, but the qualities of a "prestigious" man. Those that will benefit society and help to gain a stable sense of self-worth. In my opinion, trying to try on the role of "alpha" is like building a house of cards. This choice has no stable basis.

It is time to abandon the black and white picture and recognize the many facets of masculinity. The most attractive man is a versatile person who combines perseverance and humanity, the ability to achieve success and a good heart. The true alpha male is much deeper than stereotypical idea about him.