12 tricks of the mind that make you worry about nonsense

Anxiety and restlessness are necessary to remain vigilant in potentially dangerous situations. Unfortunately, many bad thoughts are born from scratch, spoil self-esteem and poison life, making it difficult to enjoy the present moment.

In the book "Cure for nervesR. Leahy. Cure for nerves. How to stop worrying and enjoy life" specialist in cognitive psychotherapy Robert Leahy breaks down the typical mental errors that drag us into the whirlpool of negativity every day.

By learning to notice these attitudes in time, you can separate the real cause for concern from useless anxiety and become happier under any external conditions.

1. mind reading

It's about unreasonable belief that you know what thinks another person: "He thinks I'm a loser", "She thought I was imposing."

Of course, everyone would like to read other people's thoughts. At the same time, it must be recognized that any assumptions about this are nothing more than theories. For example, if a person frowns during a conversation, answers briefly and with displeasure, he may suffer from heartburn or worry about a recent breakup, and not at all consider you intrusive and boring.

Remember: until the thoughts of others are expressed aloud, these are your thoughts about what they think. And they're no more real than rainbows unicorns.

2. catastrophe

Belief that the coming events will be so terrible that you will not be able to survive them: "I cannot bear to be rejected."

Not fully formed disturbing thoughts are as far from reality as porn is from real sex. Thinking through vague images of rejection, failure, or a shameful situation in your mind, you exaggerate, driving yourself into a panic.

At the same time, future disasters, as a rule, concern situations that are not the most life-threatening - for example, public speaking or love affairs. And failures are far from being experienced as sharply as a frightened brain draws.

But even if everything is real will be bad, you can definitely handle it. Just remember the most terrible moments of your life - no matter what, you survived them.

3. Regeneralization

This is the use of one case for global conclusions: “The boss said that I made a mistake. me soon get fired». Or: “I ran a hundred meters badly. I'm a poor athlete." Such thoughts can arise after a strong negative experience, when the intensity of passions prevents you from seeing the whole picture.

As soon as you notice that you are making global conclusions, try to give arguments against. Yes, now you have failed, but has it always been like this? Were there times when you did the same tasks well? Or maybe you even tried something for the first time?

Reflection will help you calm down and admit that your estimates are far from the truth.

4. Devaluing the positives

Refusal to recognize one’s own or others’ achievements and positive qualities: “Of course you will say that I am beautiful, you are my mother.”

your abilities and successes may not seem particularly significant simply because you are used to them. Any mastered skill ceases to be something difficult and becomes part of everyday life, but this does not mean that you have nothing to be proud of.

You spent your time and energy, acquired new skills and did something good. Appreciate it and don't shy away from compliments.

5. Rejection of reality in favor of templates

Unwillingness to see reality as it is. Constant comparison of oneself, people and events with how it should be: “If I don’t get a position, I’m a loser”, “The family should not quarrel. If it's not, I have a bad family."

Our consciousness is daily attacked by other people's ideas about how to live right. We read about it in books and see on screens, hear from neighbors and relatives. All these attitudes mix and form what we call our own opinion and view of the world.

However, life makes its own adjustments, destroying the patterns and forcing you to change settings one by one. People don't have to be what you want them to be. Chance can interfere even in the most ideal plan and destroy everything in the bud.

To avoid getting stuck in stress and negativity, make your mindset flexible. Strive for what you want, but accept reality.

6. Personalization

This is a tendency to blame oneself for everything bad that happens around, without taking into account other factors and accidents. "Our friendship is over, because I didn’t try to support her”, “I felt that I shouldn’t go. If I had listened to my intuition, we would not have had an accident.”

You are responsible for your life, but there are many things that you have no control over. Weather conditions, economic factors, the mood and behavior of other people. Even what happens in your own body often remains a mystery until the next examination.

Recognize that your life depends on more than just your actions and thoughts. And if something bad happened, you could just be unlucky.

7. accusation

It's about the refusal of responsibility for one's life, about the tendency to see the source of one's troubles in other people. «If I didn’t marry you, I would be happy”, “Because of my parents, I gave up my dream and ruined my life.”

This is the other side of the previous point. By placing the responsibility for all the troubles on others, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to change something. Yes, people definitely influence your life, but at the same time, you can choose with whom to interact and under what conditions to do so.

By admitting your responsibility, you will get rid of the feeling of hopelessness, you will be able to appreciate the mistakes of the past and not repeat them in the future.

8. Unfair comparisons

It is the habit of viewing oneself and others in terms of good and bad qualities. Value judgment, constant comparison, building a hierarchy according to arbitrary standards and finding inconsistencies: “There are women much more beautiful than me”, “My classmates have a lot achievedand I work for a small salary.

There will always be people who are superior to you in some criteria: social status, physical qualities or skills. And constant comparisons open up an abyss of opportunities for frustration and envy.

Let go of rigid standards. Recognize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When you're done with grades, you can rediscover many people.

9. fruitless regrets

The habit of thinking about missed opportunities and past mistakes instead of trying to improve something in the moment: “I shouldn’t have said this”, “I could have kept a warm relationship with the children if I had given them more attention."

It makes sense to remember your failures only in order not to repeat the mistakes. If you can change something now - do it, if not - leave thoughts of the past.

10. Emotional reasoning

The tendency to evaluate reality based on their feelings and sensations: “I am depressed, which means that my marriage does not work out”, “I experience great excitement - this is a sign that you should not go for it interview».

Emotions are made up of many different factors, including previous experiences and the state of the body.

For example, you may not like a person simply because they vaguely resemble an unpleasant acquaintance who caused a lot of trouble in the past. Or because at the time of the meeting you were hungry, did not get enough sleep, or had a focus of inflammation in the body, which you were not aware of.

Of course, you can't dismiss your emotions, but it is also not worth relying entirely on them when assessing the situation. Accept the fact that emotions are complex and unstable, and don't jump to conclusions.

11. Impossibility of refutation

Refusal to accept any arguments that refute the negative attitude: “No one loves me. This one doesn't count, it's a relative. And this one probably just wants money from me. And this one is sex. And it just has no one to communicate with.”

The habit of thinking in this way prevents you from stopping the flow of negative thoughts and improving your mood. If you find yourself rejecting positive thoughts one after the other, stop.

Make a list of things that can shake your mindset. No matter how insignificant the arguments seem. The main task is to shift the focus to positive moments, switch consciousness to the positive.

Once this happens, you will see that if not all, then many of your accusations against you were unjustified.

12. Labeling

Attributing global negative traits to oneself, other people or events: “He is a bad person”, “I am stupid and useless”.

Categorical judgments, not substantiated by facts, narrow the focus of perception to one line, leaving everything else on the periphery.

In reality, everything is much more multifaceted and complex. One mistake doesn't make you loser. A roughly thrown phrase does not mean that the interlocutor is a boor. A family quarrel does not indicate that the marriage has come to an end.

By labeling, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to see something good. Get rid of them and look wider.