7 Signs You're Not Ready for a New Relationship Just Yet

I love my job for the opportunity to help different people around the world. Athletes, executives of large companies, entrepreneurs - the list is endless.

And these seemingly completely different people have something in common. They come to me hoping to sort out their personal lives, until they suddenly realize that they are not at all ready for a relationship. First, my clients have to, sometimes for the first time in their lives, work on themselves.

I always admire people who are not afraid to look inside themselves and realize that they need to learn how to give love to themselves before they give it to another. Sometimes this can be quite difficult.

Here are some signs that you should wait with a new romance.

1. You have been in a relationship for a very long time

If you have not been without a couple for several years or even decades, think about it: maybe it's time for you to sort yourself out, and not look for a new love.

Some of us are used to moving from one relationship to another. Such people gradually forget what it means to be alone. “But I love being in a relationship!” is their answer. Yes, being a couple is great! But it's impossible to know which partner is right for you if you don't know who you are. Boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife does not define your personality. You define it yourself.

People who engage in "serial monogamy" often lose themselves and strive to find the ideal partner who can fill this “gap”. Spoiler: it can only be filled from the inside.

If you have been married for a long time or in an unbroken chain of short relationships, now is the time to stop and honestly ask yourself why you are looking for a new partner. Perhaps you want to plunge into romance instead of really living through the pain of a breakup. In this case, it is better to be alone and work on yourself until you find the right person.

2. Your priority is your career

I am always for any grandiose successes. All my clients are ambitious: they work on projects that can change the world, and their work inspires me every day.

At the same time, I understand how much work and perseverance it takes to run a business, fight for global change, or climb the corporate ladder. With such a schedule, there is simply not a minute left for love.

Is it possible to be in a happy relationship while making a dizzying career? Certainly! However, if you are now completely immersed in the profession, you should seriously think before letting a new person into your life.

Relationships require time, joint efforts, attention and constant work. If you are not ready for this, it is absolutely normal! It is not normal to pretend that you can sit on two chairs, and as a result break someone's heart.

3. You have strained relationships with others

Have you become more likely to conflict with loved ones, although you used to easily find a common language? If the answer is yes, chances are you are going through a transition period, experiencing stress, or facing burnout. Agree, this is not the best time to start a new relationship.

4. You don't know what you need

You may know what you want, but do you know what you need?

You ask me: "James, what's the difference?". Glad you have this question. Once I advised a woman who said that she would never meet a man below 185 cm. At first I thought that she just likes tall guys, so she has such strict requirements for the chosen one.

Later, when we began to analyze the situation more deeply, it became clear that in a relationship it is important for her to feel physical and emotional protection. My client associated being tall with safety. Her need for protection was expressed through the desire to see a tall man next to her.

As soon as we find a need, we understand how else to satisfy it. How about a 175 cm black belt in karate? Police officer? Or a marine? You can definitely feel safe with them.

Therefore, if you do not know what needs are hidden behind your desires, you risk losing a lot of time looking for something that does not matter.

5. You want a relationship because of peer pressure

Family and other close people may intentionally or not push you into a new relationship. Or, even worse, make you feel inferior because you are alone.

The truth is simple: being alone is much better than being in a relationship with the wrong person just to meet the demands of society.

Start dating someone when you're ready, not when you get tired of asking people around. This is your life, not theirs.

6. You are unhappy with your life

I believe that creating a life you genuinely enjoy living alone helps you maintain personal boundaries and high standards in relationships as well. If you are happy with your life, you are unlikely to let in those who can ruin everything.

Dissatisfied people often look for temporary solutions to their problems. “Perhaps if I have a partner, I will finally find happiness!” Such thoughts lead us to choose the first person that comes across, just to be in a relationship. After all, we think that this is what we lack.

Remember that a partner can only beautify the life you already love. If you are unhappy with yourself, no relationship will change that.

7. You don't understand who you are

I begin and end this text with information about the most important person - about you.

The main problem of almost all my clients is related to the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe self. It doesn't matter how successful they are, how many businesses they have opened, where they live or what kind of car they drive.

Personality is a piece of the puzzle called "Person" that we often forget about. If you discard all your achievements, who will you really be? Most of us give a very vague answer, and some of us don't have one at all. This is because most of us have never been asked this question, and therefore never had to think about it. Instead, we actively made decisions about careers, family, friends, children. And this suits us, as long as we do not think about why we are building this life at all.

But ask yourself these questions:

• If you do not clearly understand who you are, how will you understand who you want to be with?
• How can you be sure which treatment is acceptable and which is not?
• How do you know which union you need?

Your personality is the foundation on which everything is built. Personality dictates how you make decisions, what standards you have, and what kind of people you let into your life.

This is your internal compass, and if it's broken, you run the risk of panicking your ship in different directions, hoping to find the right shore. The main problem with this tactic is that there is no guarantee that you will find it. But if you calibrate the compass and consciously choose your direction, the path may take longer, but you will be absolutely sure of the route and end point.