3 steps to help regain confidence in yourself and your abilities

Oh, those voices in our head! The ones who constantly say “Who do you think you are?”, “How can you be so stupid!” or “You definitely won’t succeed.” They make us feel like we're not good enough. And we are slowly but surely losing confidence in ourselves, in our knowledge and abilities. Sounds familiar?

We all doubt ourselves from time to time. And it's not our fault, it's may beb. Markway. 5 reasons people have low self-confidence / Psychology Today due to genetic predisposition, personal circumstances or messages in the media. The next time confidence suddenly leaves you, try these three tactics.

1. Find the root cause

Understanding why you stop believing in yourself is the first step to breaking out of the endless circle. self-flagellation. Analyze your thoughts, actions and relationships with others, as well as situations in which all this manifests itself. This way you will not only find the source of the problem, but also become more confident in the process.

Here are a few questions that will help you sort out the causes of doubt:

• Do you compare your life with the lives of other people that you see on social networks? Does such a comparison raise your self-esteem, or does it, on the contrary, fall below the plinth?
• Are you making unrealistic demands on yourself? Don't you think that you have to be "perfect" or grasp everything on the fly? Is it not this desire to achieve imaginary perfection that is the reason for your self-doubt?
• Do you feel your age? Whether you're 20, 30, 40, 50, or 60 years old, each life stage brings with it a new experience. Unfortunately, sometimes he is accompanied by doubts about what we knew before, and about our abilities.
• How do the people in your life treat you? How do friends, boss, colleagues, loved one communicate with you? Can their remarks and comments be the cause of your insecurity?

The answers to these questions will allow you to understand what factors cause your self-esteem to fluctuate, and free yourself from their influence.

2. Remember who you are

To do this, you need to conduct an internal "inventory". Take a piece of paper and write down the events of your past. Start at any age, focus on specific years, or 5 or 10 year chunks, no matter how you break your life down into milestones. The main thing is to be as honest with yourself as possible.

We tend to focus more on the negative: trauma, bad experiences, and failures. When doing this exercise, try to pay attention to something else - write down something from the past that influenced the present.

For example, think about when you learned to ride a bike or got your license and started driving. When you first fell in love and kissed. The first time you flew in an airplane. When did you get your first paycheck? Think of things you thought you could never do, but you did.

You may have noticed how our opinion of our own abilities rises when we reflect on what we have already done. Especially if before it seemed unrealistic to us. Of course, there were mistakes and failures along the way. But we were still able to move from the starting point and continue to move forward.

"Inventory" of one's own life helps to take a clear look at the past years and normalize self-esteem. You will see how the most unexpected moments lead to serious and important events that cannot be predicted.

Try to reach a new level and connect friends to the "inventory". Ask your loved ones what two or three qualities come to their mind when they think of you. Don't be shy and don't be afraid - the answers will most likely make you happy.

3. Say no

When you start to doubt yourself, it means that you are giving your power to someone or something. The most obvious way to bring it back is to start saying one simple word: “no.”

It takes a long time to develop this skill. But you know what? It took the same amount of time to lose confidence. So don't spend more. Figure out what is ruining your relationship with yourself, and start rebuilding your self-esteem.

Start small. Your self-confidence is badly affected social media? Tell them no. It's up to you to decide what to let into your life. Choose yourself and say "no" to everything that does not bring you happiness.

Say no to the habit of focusing on things you think you can't do. Give your strength to what you know, your experience, your wisdom and skills.

Every time the inner voice again inspires you with something unpleasant, answer: “No. Thanks but no. You're wrong, and here's why…” Try to say “no” at least once a day. Not only criticism, which sits in your head, but also external circumstances that take away your self-confidence.

Only you can choose who and what influences you. The main power is always in your hands. If you ask your most confident acquaintances how they do it, they will surely answer that they sometimes have problems with self-esteem. This is part of life. At such moments, remember the quote by former US First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."