5 phrases to help support loved ones in difficult times

The right words can soothe, cheer up and relieve stress, but finding them can be very difficult.

The main thing here is to remember that support is not a detailed analysis of actions in a particular situation (of course, if you were not asked to compose one) and certainly not “well-meaning” accusations.

Below we will give a few examples of how not to console loved ones so as not to make things worse, and how to put into words sincere sympathy and a desire to help.

What not to say to loved ones

Let's start with what is more likely to upset or anger a loved one. Avoid such phrases in your comforting speech.

1. You just have to go to practice. Sports make you feel less stressed

I sincerely believe that a good workout reduces anxiety and strength. I always want to say to those who are complaining, anxious or upset: “Just do an interval and you will be calm as an elephant for one evening.” But this is a bad way to support. He does not work. I know because I've tried.

Everyone has their own path to the sport, and it rarely starts at bad times.

It can take several years to form the habit of exercising, enjoy it, and understand that movement saves you from bad thoughts. And the person feels bad right now.

Such advice will, at best, cause a sad smile, and at worst, make a person feel guilty for doing nothing to alleviate his condition.

2. You choose what to think and feel. Just don't think about the bad, meditate or read a book

The degree to which a person is responsible for his thoughts and feelings is a moot point.

Reaction to external events dependsL. F. Barret. How emotions are born: A revolution in understanding the brain and managing emotions on the characteristics of the nervous system, previous experience, and even on the state of the body at a particular moment - hormonal fluctuations, intestinal microflora, inflammation level and much more.

A person will not voluntarily drive himself into depression and prolong a bad mood. If he does it, there are reasons. You just don't know about them.

By declaring responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, you seem to be hinting to a person that he himself is to blame for his problems, devaluate suffering and offer "simple", but in fact - impossible in many situations scenario.

3. Yes, you can't complain! There are people who are much worse, and nothing - live

When problems arise for us, the rest of the world moves away and loses its significance.

Yes, there are people who are worse, but what does it matter when you feel bad?

Recalling other people's problems, you, firstly, devalue the suffering of a loved one, and secondly, you appeal to his guilt. Don't do it.

4. Think of your loved ones - they are now feeling bad too

When a person finds himself in a difficult situation, not only he suffers, but also his loved ones. Especially children who need a functional parent, confident in their actions and a bright future.

But mentioning it is the worst thing you can do. If a person is emotionally exhausted and under constant stress, he simply cannot physically communicate, care for and give love in the same way as before. And the reminder of this will only increase the feeling guilt.

5. Are you okay? Everything is fine? Is everything okay? (many times in a row)

If you see or know that there is no question of any “good”, do not ask this banal question. Starting every conversation like this, you kind of broadcast your expectations, which your loved one cannot meet.

It’s hard to upset loved ones, it hurts to destroy their hopes, and it’s dishonest to lie to calm them down. By asking this question, you run the risk of driving the person into even more stress and depriving you of the support he needs.

What to say to support a loved one

You can change the phrases depending on the situation, the main thing is to keep the essence.

1. Is there anything I can do to help?

In this way, you will show that you are ready for concrete actions, so that a loved one does not have to ask for help - you yourself offer it. Just do not impose what seems right to you.

Better listen to what he really needs.

For example, if a loved one refuses to take money, you can help him in another way - take on some of his worries or be with him in difficult moments.

2. I understand why you are so upset

People do not always talk about their problems so that someone can solve them or give good advice. Often a person just needs to be heard and understood.

No need to pretend that you know how he feels, or experienced the same thing, look for parallels with your life and pull out your own experience. Especially if what happens to him is unfamiliar to you.

Just say that you understand why he feels bad, and you are sorry that he had to face this situation. Acceptance and understanding provide support. So you kind of say to him: “What you are experiencing is normal. You have a right to feel that way."

3. What do you think can help in this situation?

Even if you are sure that you know the solution to the problem, do not give advice before you are asked. Another thing is to ask what your loved one is going to do in this situation.

First, it shows that you care about him. Secondly, in the process of discussion, a person can come up with interesting thoughts and unexpected solutions.

In addition, you can find out what kind of help he really needs and offer your services. And finally give adviceif he asks for it.

4. Let's go for a walk

Walking is a physical activity, and it really is. helpsM. K. Edwards, P. D. Loprinzi. Experimental effects of brief, single bouts of walking and meditation on mood profile in young adults / Health promotion perspectives relieve stress and lift your spirits.

Even 10 minutes of walking can improve the situation, so if a loved one is not in the mood for a long promenade, offer a short route - around the house or walk to the nearest store.

The combination of socializing, fresh air and physical activity should be beneficial.

If the situation allows, you can offer to play sports together: run, go to the gym or pool with you, play badminton. Just do not insist - if a loved one says "no", accept his refusal without offense and persuasion.

5. Remember that I will always support you. If you need anything, I'll be there

In a difficult situation, it is important for a person to know that he has someone to rely on. Even if right now he does not need your help and will never ask for it.

Often in difficult times, a person moves away from relatives and friends and withdraws into himself. At the same time, social isolation and loneliness disastrousA. Steptoe, N. Owen, S. R. Kunz-Ebrecht. Loneliness and neuroendocrine, cardiovascular, and inflammatory stress responses in middle-aged men and women / Psychoneuroendocrinology affect health.

As noted in one meta-analysisJ. Holt-Lunstad, T. b. Smith, M. Baker, T. Harris, D. Stephenson. Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review / Perspectives on Psychological Science, being lonely is just as harmful as smokeThe risks of social isolation / American Psychological Association 15 cigarettes a day or suffer from alcohol dependencies. And twice as dangerous as being obese.

Reminding a loved one that he is not alone and can always turn to you for help - physical and moral, you help break social isolation.

Tell us how you support loved ones during difficult times.