How to wean a child to sleep with parents

When is it time to move your baby to a separate bed?

Baby sleep with nursing mother countsJames McKenna. The dream of a child. Safer around good practice, useful for the mental state of the child. However, this is only true if it is convenient for the parents.

Child sleep specialist Richard Ferber in his book claims that in 25 years of work he has not found unconditional advantages of joint or separate sleep. He writes that any mode will be correct, as long as you are comfortable and everything is going well.

But even if you and your child get enough sleep and both partners are satisfied with this state of affairs, sooner or later you will have to move the baby to a separate bed.

Ksenia says that it is not necessary to delay the resettlement, since joint sleep at a later age can overexcite the child, and in the future negatively affect the ability to learn. In addition, after three years, such sleep can negatively affect the ability to perceive oneself separately from parents, the ability to calm down and express emotions not only through the body.

How to choose the best time to move your child

Regardless of age, the transition to a separate bed, and even more so a room, is stressful for a child. In order not to increase anxiety, it is worth choosing the most calm time for this, free from other significant changes.

It is desirable that the transition to separate sleep does not coincide with such events:

• the birth of brothers and sisters;
• start attending kindergarten;
• moving;
• departure of one of the parents.

Ksenia Nesyutina advises to move the child to his bed a few months earlier or later. For example, if the family plans addition, it is better to do this before the appearance of a new member, so that the baby has time to adapt. It is also worth considering his physical health and mental state.

How to prepare for the transition of the child to a separate bed

Start by discussing upcoming events with your partner. If one of you insists on moving the baby out, and the other is horrified at the thought of having to sleep separately from the baby, the move is unlikely to go smoothly.

It is important that both parents agree with the decision and support the same position. Therefore, first agree on how you will act, and only then communicate the decision to the child.

After you have talked about the changes, try to involve the baby in the process. For example, choose a bed or bedding with him. This will help him perceive the event in a more positive way, although it does not guarantee that everything will go smoothly.

A kid can look with delight at a new bed in the form of a typewriter or a castle of a princess, but when the night comes, flatly refuse to move there. To avoid screaming and tearsaccustom the child to a new place gradually.

How to help your child adjust to a new place

First of all, it is important to save all the rituals that were before the transition to a separate dream. Changing into pajamas, cleaning toys, reading fairy tales at night - whatever you do before separation, be sure to repeat it in the same order.

After you have laid the child, stay close until you are completely asleep. You can lie down with him, if the size of the bed allows, or settle down nearby, so that in case of anxiety or tears, take his hand, stroke and soothe.

The timing of the adaptation of the child depends on age. Ksenia Nesyutina says that two-year-olds can take several months to get used to a new bed. Older children can get comfortable even earlier - in a few weeks.

As your child gets used to the new place, try leaving him for a while before he falls asleep.

The child should be given the opportunity to calm down not due to the real presence of the mother, but thanks to thoughts about her. Gradually, the baby will learn to fall asleep on its own.

What problems may arise and how to deal with them

Each case is different, but there are a few common problems that parents often face.

Baby can't sleep without body contact

Ksenia Nesyutina says that many parents are not used to calming their child emotionally. If comfort always comes through bodily contact - breastfeeding, hugging, rocking - the baby gets used to the physical channel of calm and cannot switch to the emotional one.

And if babies really need touch, then at 3-4 years old, your presence and a soothing voice may be enough.

To teach your baby to cope without mom's arms and breasts, reconsider your ways of comforting.

If the child is upset, do not rush to grab him in your arms and give pacifier or bottle. First, try to calm down with words or distract, and only if this does not work, move on to the usual methods.

Baby takes a long time to fall asleep

Ksenia says that this problem is most often associated with an insufficient number of rituals before bedtime. This is an important component of the regimen, which helps the child to calm down and tune in to sleep.

Here are a few things that can be part of the ritual:

• Bathe the baby. Some children sleep well after water procedures, others, on the contrary, are excited from playing in the water. Try bathing before bed and see how it affects your child.
• Prepare the room. Turn off the lights, and if the darkness scares the baby, buy a night light. You can also turn on soft soothing music or white noise.
• Dress your child in pajamas.
• Get a little massage. Light stroking and rubbing can calm the baby.
• Let the baby put the toys to bed or just wish them good night.
• Read a fairy tale. Choose small books so that reading takes a certain period of time. Alternatively, come up with your own stories, it's very exciting.
• Hug and kiss your baby goodnight.

When choosing rituals, it is important that they are performed regularly and at the same time, and that both you and the child like them.

It is also worth taking care of what the baby will be doing in the evening - even before you start preparing him for bed. About an hour before going to bed, exclude outdoor games, tickling, running and other activities. Turn off cartoons and games on your phone.

It is better to keep your child busy with quiet activities, such as sculpting, sorting figures, or putting together puzzles.

Write about your experience of transitioning to separate sleep in the comments.