“With his mistress, we could become friends”: how did the girls react when they found out about the betrayal of a partner

No one is immune from betrayal. The only question is how to react to it: to chop off the shoulder or let yourself cool down in order to calmly decide what to do next? We talked to three girls who were unaware of the secret life of their partners, and found out what advice they would give to those who are afraid to be in the same situation.

“They had sex on camera. The day before our check-in"

We met when I was fifteen. At first they just talked, and only four years later they started dating. Then I did not pay attention to the alarm bells. He could disappear for 2-3 days, read my messages and not answer them, or drop the only SMS: “Everything is in order.”

At that time, I did not know about the “closer - further” manipulation - when a person either moves away very much or wraps you in great love. This behavior is binding. Now I would just say: "That's it for now."

At the end of 2018, I left to study in Warsaw. Shortly before this, the guy offered to call at the registry office, formalize the relationship and set a date for the wedding. I think this was done in order for me to return to Ukraine. Of course, I was shocked, but I answered without hesitation: “Yes.”

The whole horror is that the illusions that I lived then were reality for me. I think that at this age, girls are more subject to social pressure: it seems that if a person is successful, cool, like he loves you, then you need to hold on to him. At the time, I really thought so.

We agreed that I would fly to Ukraine on December 16 - this was the date of our registration. But suddenly, the day before departure, I received a message from my friend. "Is your boyfriend at the concert?" he asked. I answered: “Which concert? He is at home". A friend threw off a photo and wrote: "But it's him."

I did not understand anything, I called my boyfriend. He dropped. I called again. Dropped again. So without waiting for an answer, she went to bed. And somewhere around three or four in the morning, a video call came from his number.

I clicked "Reply" and fell into shock: the ex-girlfriend was sitting on it completely naked. And they had sex on camera. The day before our check-in.

I got scared and quickly hung up. I don't remember the details of that night well, because I was in a state of passion. I only remember that after that I just stood near the wall for some time. Didn't cry. Kuril. Tried to realize that this is reality or a nightmare? I called my friend and she was not available.

The next day, I nevertheless went to Kiev - I won’t give up tickets because of him. Plus, I wanted to sort out our relationship. But he didn't even answer me. I tried to write, call, get in touch with his parents. Nothing.

With that girl, they openly mocked me. I think it was her initiative. She could call me, be silent, laugh into the phone and hang up. There were situations when, for example, I left the club, and they sat in the car and silently watched me.

And now two years have passed. I AM told about this story on TikTok. One of my friends saw the video and sent it to him. Only after that he wrote that he did not even suspect how much it hurt me.

But, frankly, I don’t think it was sincere - after all, even before that he knew perfectly well where I live, how to contact me. It seems to me that he wrote to arouse renewed interest in himself. Because then my blog just started to develop well.

The only explanation I heard from him was “I was drunk.” But there is no excuse for what he did. It wasn't love. A person who doesn't care about me would do exactly that.

When I again begin to get emotionally involved in these relationships, I remember how hard it was for me, how it affected my health - it’s simply incomprehensible. This wound will probably never heal. And it will need to be constantly worked out.

Now this person has ceased to exist for me. The only thing I worry about is that in the future I will unconsciously transfer my complexes to the following unions: not to trust a partner, not to let him get close. And even though I'm in a great relationship right now, it's really hard for me believe others.

After the video on TikTok, a lot of girls who faced cheating guys wrote to me. And I try to support them. Often they simply do not understand how to live on. But what I know for sure is that time will pass, and it will become easier.

Advice: pay attention to alarm bells.

“Most of all I was hurt not even by betrayal, but by the fact that he lied about his orientation”

Igor and I (name changed) were married for two years. They were not jealous of each other, they did not quarrel. When some guy walked past us, I could say: “Look, what a butt!” And he answered: "Juicy!" Now, when I remember this, I am both sad and funny at the same time.

A year ago a friend invited us to birthday to a country cottage. There were many guest rooms, and we were put in one of them. Everything was fine at first. We rested and talked.

It turned out that at the same holiday there was an old acquaintance of Igor from the university. I noticed that they spend almost the entire holiday together. Sometimes I ran up to my husband and giggled: “What are you secreting here?” He didn't pay much attention to me, he briefly answered: “Yes, we remember ...” This did not offend me - well, you never know, we had not seen each other for a long time, there is something to talk about.

When I noticed that Igor was already pretty tipsy, I began to gently persuade him to go to bed. He constantly answered: “Now-now... I want to talk a little more ...” It began to annoy me that I was acting as a mother who drives her son to bed. So at some point I spat and went into the room alone.

She waited there for about forty minutes, and then passed out. When I woke up, it was already four in the morning. The husband was not in bed. I got excited and went to look for him. It was quiet all around, obviously everyone was asleep. I decided to check the bathroom - Igor used to pass out sitting on the toilet if he overdid it with alcohol. And he really was there. But not alone.

When I opened the door, my jaw literally dropped. Igor gave a blowjob to that university friend.

I was shocked. She just slammed the door and ran outside. I don't even remember how I felt then. It seemed as if the whole world had collapsed at once.

Outside, I sat on the couch and began to sob. Almost immediately, my husband ran up to me and tried to calm me down. He began to say that I didn’t understand everything that it was an experiment. And he constantly asked me to cry quietly so that my friends would not hear anything.

I did not have the strength to blame him or build some kind of normal dialogue. When the tantrum ended, I said: “Now I will leave. Get how you want. You can on your friend. I need a day to think. Don't write or call me." And got into the car.

In the evening he returned with flowers and jewelry, which I had long wanted. I then calmed down a bit and invited him to discuss why this situation happened. It turned out that it was not a university friend, but a former lover. And Igor himself is bisexual.

I was depressed. It was strange for me to hear all this, because we always trusted each other and spoke openly about sex. I think what hurt me the most was not even the betrayal, but the fact that he lied about his orientation. He made excuses: he said he was afraid that I would leave. We both cried.

In the end, I said that it would be better if we let's live separately and understand what each of us needs. Now we continue to meet, but we rent two separate apartments. At each meeting, Igor asks to move in with him and says that he wants to return everything that we had. But it’s hard for me to start living the old way again. I don’t know yet what will happen to our relationship further, even though I love him.

Advice: be honest with your partners in everything. And one more thing: let yourself cool down before trying to sort things out.

“He didn’t just cheat on me, he led a double life”

In May of this year, a guy, a foreigner, wrote to me on Instagram. We easily communicated with him, I was always interested and calm. He lived in another city. But soon he had to come to Moscow for a week. And all the days that he was here, we saw each other. Literally on the third day, he offered to meet - to be, as they say, in an exclusive union. At first I answered: "Why not." But then she thought about this decision again and offered to wait - after all, this is too fast.

However, he was super active in the relationship, he was always in touch, and I liked it. Even I often disappeared and did not answer. Nothing indicated that he was lying to my face or cheating.

In the end, I agreed to meet. We lived in different cities, but saw each other often. They constantly visited each other. So it can't even be called a "relationship" on distance». And it would seem that everything is fine, but for some reason, intuition actively sent signals that something was going wrong. I felt unclean. However, there were no obvious reasons for ending the relationship.

But the alarm bells were always there. At first, I attributed it to the difference in mentality - after all, he is a foreigner. I had a vague understanding of his past and could not verify many things. But there were always some inconsistencies in his stories. He could lie in small things, without even attaching importance to it. He confessed only when I put him before the fact.

Because of this, at some point I began to feel very unstable mentally. And for a while I decided to stop communicating with him. I already had a low level of confidence in him.

But he began to become even more actively involved in the relationship. He introduced me to his brother and sister. Constantly wrote and came. And yes, it was great to talk to him.

A couple of months later, a request came to direct. The last sentence came up: "I just don't want you to be deceived like I am right now."

I opened it in bewilderment and found out that my boyfriend has a second girlfriend. At that moment he was sleeping. I pushed him and showed the correspondence. At first he denied: "No, no, I'm not cheating on you." Then, apparently, it dawned on him: even if he does not tell, I will still find out everything. And the nonsense began to repeat that he loves me madly, that I am the best thing in his life, that he is ready for anything for us.

He tried to put pressure on pity, assured that he was sick and it was not the first time for him to meet with several girls at the same time. I told him to get better and leave my house. I was in shock all day.

The first question I asked his second girlfriend was how did she find me? The girl replied that lately he had become colder towards her. Thoughts of change crept in. Then she began to surf his subscriptions and go to the profiles of different women.

So she came out to me. And just on that day I posted stories in which his voice was heard. She did such an analytical job that just wow!

At first I had a feeling of anger at her. Because initially I thought that she wanted to get rid of a competitor. But then I realized that she didn't suspect anything either. And we were on an equal footing with her.

I think with his mistress we could be girlfriends. This girl communicated with me very actively - she wanted to know the details. And I, on the contrary, did not want to delve into what kind of relationship they had at all.

At first I tried to believe it was cheating, but when his girlfriend gave more details, I realized: he didn’t just cheat on me, he led a double life throughout the time that we were in relationship. And the person is so professional liedthat, probably, only a detective would help me figure it all out.

He still writes in different messengers. I've blocked him fifteen times already. But it was definitely the right decision. I feel much better now.

Advice: trust your intuition and don't bargain with yourself.