What is a Boston marriage and why is it needed

What is a "Boston marriage"

This term denotesNew words notes June 2017 / Oxford English Dictionary joint long-term residence of two women. But we are not talking about girlfriends-students who decided to jointly rent an apartment in order to save money. The relationship in a "Boston marriage" is much deeper. Its participants do not just share living space - they run the household and budget together, take care of each other, communicate, and receive guests. Everything is like in an ordinary family. Only without a man and sex.

Why This Phenomenon Is Called "Boston Marriage"

It is believedNew words notes June 2017 / Oxford English Dictionary compilers of the Oxford Dictionary, the concept arose from the novel by American writer Henry James "Bostonians". The main characters of his story lived under one roof, and they were united not only by their common life, but also by the struggle for women's rights. Perhaps the author was inspired by the real situation in Boston in the 1880s, where such relationships were quite common and were not considered to be something unique.

The term itself was first mentioned in 1893. It was used by a suffragette and feminist Edna Cini in a letter to the editor of the progressive magazine Open Court. She said that the permanent relationship between female friends living together became familiar and even received a special name - "Boston marriage."

Thanks to the suffragettes, by the beginning of the twentieth century, the "Boston marriage" spread throughout the United States and Europe.

Why do you need a "Boston marriage"

In the late 19th century, it was more of a necessity than a whim. Traditional marriage, even the happiest one, relegated a woman to the level of a servant. A married man could continue to pursue a career and science. But a girl, even the most educated and talented, after marriage should was to forget about ambitions and turn into a housewife, becoming a reliable "rear" for her husband.

Such traditions were preserved even in progressive circles at that time. So, in 1870 in the United States openedBoston Marriages: Two Healthy Unmarried Women Cohabiting Legally / History Daily Wellesley College is one of the first American educational institutions for women. Now they could get higher education and do research. However, in this advanced college, a strict rule was observed: after marriages the girl had to stop her studies and leave all her academic positions. Women scientists have had to look for alternatives to traditional marriage. And the vast majority of them chose the "Boston" relationship. There was even a second name for this phenomenon - "Wellesley's marriage."

Today, patriarchal values ​​have lost ground, and marriage does not negate a woman's career and studies. However, "Boston marriages" continue to exist all over the world, from America and Europe to Australia and Russia. And for good reason.

When to Choose a Boston Marriage

In a commentary to Afisha Daily, the administrator of the Live with a Friend community on VKontakte Ekaterina Davydova explained"Living with a friend is better than one": how and why women get married in Boston / Poster Dailywhy girls get into "Boston" relationships.

This is, of course, a non-exhaustive list.

Australian writer Casey Edwards suggested in her column for The Sidney Morning HeraldA Boston Marriage: When you’re more than friends but less than lovers / The Sidney Morning Heraldthat a "Boston marriage" can be beneficial for women at certain stages in their lives.

• Girls who left the parental home. Together, it is easier to deal with the anxiety and loneliness that inevitably arise at the beginning of a new stage in life.
• Young mothers are divorced. Living with a friend is a way to get out of social isolation and find support. And if both girls have children, mothers can replace each other and create invaluable opportunities for recreation.
• Lonely older women. In this case, the friend becomes an absent "family" and interlocutor.
• Girls tired of "classic" relationships. An alliance with a like-minded person will not make you feel lonely, but it will relieve you of the need to comply with conventions. For example, you do not have to anxiously monitor your appearance and control so that your husband always has a ready-made dinner waiting for him.

Of course, like an ordinary marriage, "Boston" is not for centuries. You can leave this relationship at any time. Moreover, they are not regulated by law, which means they do not require exhausting actions like official divorce.

Today the "Boston marriage" is more of an experiment. The opportunity to give support and receive it in return, without turning into a traditional wife and generally not tying oneself to a relationship with a man.

Ekaterina Komissarova