6 effective ways to help your child develop and learn

Child development is a constant source of parenting anxiety. Does the baby succeed in everything? Why hasn't he spoken yet? Maybe something is wrong? Such concerns are often unfounded and even harmful, according to pediatrician Michael Hauck and science journalist Regina Hauck.

In the book Between Caring and Anxiety. How increased anxiety, misdiagnoses, and a drive to conform to developmental norms are transforming our children into patients ”, they tell how to help a child develop harmoniously and stop worrying in vain. With permission from Bombora, Lifehacker publishes an excerpt from Chapter 16.

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On the one hand, you need a reliable and stable connection with parents and other caregivers, on the other hand, the freedom to know yourself and be active, plus an environment that motivates you to learn. When these basic needs are met, the child receives the best prerequisites for healthy development and learning what is possible for him.

1. Clearing the path, but not leveling it

Many parents, at the slightest effort of the child, rush to help him. They give him a hand to make him climb faster and sit on a chair. They take him to school and even carry his knapsack into the classroom. These parents say, "Tomorrow we are writing a math test." And then they sit down with the child at the table and study until late in the evening. I am familiar with patient parents who take Latin lessons to help their children.

There are schools that offer these courses specifically for parents. A mother whose son (or "we") had just graduated from high school recently happily announced that she was now in some universities even have parenting days and that she is looking forward to meeting teachers own son.

When parents release their child from all unnecessary efforts, it has nothing to do with the necessary removal of obstacles to development or the creation of a solid base. The behavior of the parents in this case reminds me of curling. With the help of large brushes, players clear a path for their colleague so that the curling stone can slide smoothly along the desired path.

What works in curling doesn't work in raising children. If the track is too flat, the child does not learn to overcome obstacles, solve problems on one's own or with the help of other people, as well as have fun and develop your own skills.

Intellectually developed according to their age, these children remain emotionally and socially at the same level: little tyrants, prone to cocky and self-centered behavior, who, when faced with every difficulty, immediately begin to feel depressed, cannot integrate into the community in kindergarten or school. They feel emotionally insecure and worthless. Because of this, it is difficult for them to find friendsfrom which they could learn further development.

2. Give up excessive control

Self-study is a basic psychological need. Children acquire skills and knowledge of their own accord when they find an environment that encourages their pursuits.

This also applies to children with mental or mental retardation. Like their perfectly normally developed peers, they explore the world in accordance with their own level of development, if the environment does not impede their activities due to excessive control or an abundance of rewards, but offers them favorable conditions for development. […]

3. Lead by example

People are interested in people. You can quickly check this statement with a small experiment. Just open a newspaper and see where your gaze lingers. Exactly! In photographs with people.

For millennia, interest in fellow creatures has guaranteed survival. Because when you are surrounded by hungry saber-toothed tigers and other rather unfriendly animals, it is very useful to stick together and defend with joint efforts. And when the dinner is big, shaggy and armed with sharp horns, it is better to hunt it in a group. Knowledge is also better transferred when people live in close contact with each other. If all our ancestors were loners, everyone would have to open fire and the wheel on their own.

So an interest in other people is a good basis for getting to know a lot of necessary things and learning a lot of useful things in order to better survive in this way. For this reason evolution ensures that babies initially show interest in other people: newborns have a clear preference for facial-like shapes.

The dot, dot, comma, dash drawn on the glass attract their attention. If the glass also moves, the more interesting it is. Of all sounds, babies love human voices the most. They react to light contact with the skin by relaxing.

The innate ability to learn through imitation also helps children navigate the world better. Even newborns can imitate the simple facial expressions of other people - for example, opening their mouths wide or sticking out their tongue.

The older children get, the more they pay attention to their fellows. Scientists call this social learning.

From the end of the first year of life, children very carefully observe what adults or other children do with objects, and try to imitate them. For example, they see parents and siblings eating with a fork and knife, and they want to do that too. They notice how parents, brothers and sisters treat each other and other people, how they talk, how they listen, how they play with each other, quarreling and reconcile. “How many times can you repeat: listen when I'm talking to you,” the four-year-old girl tells her doll, exactly copying the tone and expressions of her mother.

Education would not have been possible without a great interest in other people and without learning through imitation. Parents may abstractly explain to their child how to set the table, or they may try again and again to teach them how to arrange plates, knives and forks. But it takes a lot of time and effort.

If, instead, the child watches as parents, brothers and sisters, teachers and children in kindergarten set the table every day, he will perceive them as a good example and begin to imitate them. Because from an early age, children want to “help” and please the people around them - another useful evolutionary trick that ensures that the child can learn and connect with the group instead of giving up on their abilities, running away and putting themselves in danger.

4. Help study in subjects

Just a few weeks after birth, babies can distinguish living things from inanimate objects. First, the child drags objects from his surroundings into his mouth, then touches them, and then carefully examines them. All this happens in the first year of life in exactly this order.

For this, the child does not need a role model. Independently and on his own initiative, he deals with things and examines their external characteristics: size, weight, surface. He learns to push in front of him toy a typewriter or hold building blocks so that they do not fall out of your hands.

Researchers have found that children already in the first year of life understand that living things can move in any direction or forward and backward. of their own accord, and inanimate objects always move according to the same laws of mechanics until an external force acts on them. Obviously, children bring this useful knowledge into the world, which helps them to understand the material world and its laws.

Babies already have an idea of ​​numbers. Four-month-olds can distinguish between two and three dots (although they cannot tell the difference between four and six dots).

Education does not begin in kindergarten or school, but much earlier.

And children are born with the prerequisites for this. Adults do not need to do anything other than offer the child toys with which he can gain new experiences that match his level of development. At first, these will be rattles, then building blocks, later - dolls and Lego bricks. The child will explore them with his eyes, mouth and hands, while learning.

5. Explain in detail

Once a child begins to speak, he no longer wants to learn by imitation, but allows adults to explain the world. With his questions "what", "who" and "where" he asks them to name things, people and places.

When at some point - around the age of three - all the kitchen appliances, all the animals and people around it get names and names, the “why” questions arise. “Why does my grandmother have so many wrinkles?”, “Why can't I eat ice cream?”, “Why clean teeth?" Now the child is interested in the causes, meaning and purpose of processes and phenomena.

Children are concerned not only with the correct answer, but also with attention. Then a cascade of questions poured in: “Why do I need to vacuum?”, “Why should there be purely? "," Why is it bad when it's dirty? " The child is looking for information and seeking attention. He wants adults to teach him something.

This need grows until it is so strong that a child - around the age of six - can listen to and learn from the teacher every day for several hours.

6. Support the child's initiative

Babies are curious, receptive creatures who want to learn. However, the ability to develop their skills depends on incentives emanating from the environment. They are interested in everything new and of their own free will constantly learn something new, seeking, discovering, gaining experience, repeating and applying newly acquired skills in order to master them. With each new skill, with each new knowledge, the child becomes more independent and competent.

If a child has parents who believe in him, understand him, are guided by his interests and lovingly support him, the process of his development will be successful.

In this case, special educational and educational programs are not required. They can even prevent the child from gaining personal experience and weaken his self-esteem, depriving him of the opportunity to express himself in his own actions.

A child can learn colors or the multiplication table before trying to do so on their own. But focused training will prevent him from learning many other skills that will later come in handy in school, in the process of education. and at work: preliminary reflection on their actions, prudence, assessment of the consequences of their own actions, the ability to motivate and concentrate, understanding mistakes, the ability to control their impulses and cope with setbacks and defeats. However, all these skills are necessary in order to find your life path, organize your life and successfully cope with difficulties.

Fortunately, these “metaskills,” which can also be summarized by the term “character,” are increasingly seen as key skillsthat will come in handy in the future. So far, their formation is left to chance. However, in recent years, brain researchers and educators are increasingly trying to figure out how to support their formation.

Through medical imaging, we now know that these meta-skills are complex patterns of connections in the frontal lobe, the so-called prefrontal cortex. It forms the slowest of all parts of the brain, so it is especially strongly influenced by the social environment.

How we behave in certain situations, can we concentrate on problems, are we looking for solutions, give up quickly, or "get nervous" if we do not immediately achieve success - all this is determined by our experience, received mainly in the process of education, and one day forms our character.

Between Caring and Anxiety, parents can learn how to deal with their fears and let go of over-control. And it will also help to build a plan of action if something still goes wrong in the development of the child.

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