How to say "no"?

Learn to say no - one of the most useful skills that should be developed, especially when it comes to productivity. Saying "no" to unnecessary things, we have the time for other, more important concerns. Saying "no" distracting things, gives us the opportunity to focus on what is important to us. But saying "no" to temptations, we remain on track to achieve their health.

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In fact, the inability to say "no", is one of the major issues being talked about even successful entrepreneurs. And indeed, it is very difficult to say "no" to many things - a meeting with friends, work, and temptations. It is a hard task and not everyone has it on the teeth. Yet, studies show that even small changes can have a significant impact on the ability to say "no."

Investigation: How to speak properly "no"

According to the study, published in the Journal of Consumer Research, 120 students were divided into 2 groups. The difference between these groups was as follows: members of the first group have to say, "I can not", and the participants of the second, "I do not want to." For example, when participants in 2 groups tempted ice cream, first had to say, "I can not eat ice cream," and second, "I do not want to eat ice cream."

After frequent repetition of these phrases, the students answered a list of questions, fill in the form and left, thinking that in this experiment is over. In fact, it has just begun. When the students in turn come into the room and handed the forms with the answers, they were offered a choice of chocolate, and whole grain bar. And that's what happened:

Students from the group, "I can not" choose a chocolate bar in 61% of cases, while the students of the group, "I do not want to" take it in 36% of cases. This simple change of wording greatly improved the chances that people will choose more healthy food.

Why "I do not want to" works better than "I can not"

Our words - a statement of our senses. In addition, the words that we use, create a feedback in our brain that influence our future behavior. For example, every time we say "I can not" create feedback that reminds us of our limitations. In this case, "I do not want to," says control over the situation and informed choice. This phrase can help get rid of bad habits and learn good.

Heidi Halvorson is Director of the Center for Scientific Motivation at Columbia University, that's how it explains the difference between these two expressions:

The words "I do not want to" express a choice and therefore felt like the right decision. This statement of our determination and willpower. "I can not" - is not an option. This is a restriction that we impose ourselves. "I can not" undermine our self-confidence and a sense of power over the situation.

How to use it in my life

Every day there are situations when we need to say "no." And very often we are afraid of the word. For example, the waiter who offers a dessert in addition to the order, or to skip the training and stay at home, or distracting SMS, calls, letters, which prevent to concentrate on something really important. We do not notice the difference between the answers to these little life situations. But, imagine the effect on the right to say "no."

"I can not" and "I do not want" - these are words that are very similar in meaning, but psychologically create a completely opposite effect. This is not just a phrase. This is confirmation of what you believe and what you do. The ability to overcome temptations and time to say "no" is very important not only for the physical health, but also for everyday productivity.

Simply put: you can be a victim of his words, and can be a creator. What do you prefer?