How not to be carried out to promote and be a man

In short: it is necessary to talk to people. And now in more detail.

There would be something very chaotic, because it is not an easy topic and talk about it too hard. Eloquent revelations promise. Another promise: I will try not to touch the policy as such. Firstly, because it Layfhaker instead LifeNews. Secondly, because I am not a journalist. The third and main - because I do not understand anything in politics and a candle, figuratively speaking, he is not held.

Just as the fates decree I was emotionally very close to what is happening in Ukraine.

Let us start with. My name is Tamara (this is my real name, surname Kotova - invented), I was born in Moscow and spent her life in Russia. I have no TV, I rarely read the news on the Internet, often find out about what is happening from a friend or grandmother who loves to call and, after watching "box", tell us how terrible to live.

The level of my personal (ie undertake voluntary) civil liability to zero. I was at the Swamp, but there is nothing to be proud of: there was no risk, and the result was not there.

Sometimes I'm ashamed of it, and it seems that we must somehow manifest itself. That the small contribution is also important. Sometimes - not a shame and it seems that the best possible responses to any horror - just continue to do their job (any, whatever it may be), and do it well. That solve the big issues should be more action and they are outside my sphere of influence.

In general, I do not understand, I feel ashamed or not. I think many of us are experiencing similar feelings, say, begging on the street. Sometimes you give, sometimes passing by. That As for Ukraine, I mainly took place.

But then the unexpected happened: I fell in love with Odessa. I'll wait until you otsmeotes and wipe the tears. Believe it or not, but it's "Well-Well-Well" with an ulterior motive, and I for something lead.

With whom to talk

This is not the story of Romeo and Juliet from Odessa from Moscow. Firstly, because I do not plan to die, and he did. Secondly, we had older, more experienced and want to think smarter than the characters of Shakespeare. Third, because the more it is unclear whether or not something will have. Not because of the war, but by quite ordinary, "attitudinal" reasons.

But I digress. The bottom line is that many of our conversations with them naturally affect what is happening in his country. How could it be otherwise: it concerned directly, and I care about what happens to him. They care about the things that excite him.

He became my window in the Ukrainian eventsIf you like.

He too does not hold a candle. In fact, no one really does not hold it. He does not know for sure what's going on, where, and who is fighting whom, because the sea of ​​information and facts - one, two and obchelsya. He is well aware. But I listened to what he told me, asking questions, support, and he is helped (sometimes simply by the fact of "hearing").

How not to be carried out to promote and be a man

Rule number 1

Communicate with the second party to the conflict.

Better - with the person who you care about. It can be a friend, relative, lover, just a good friend. The man whom you respect and who you are not someone else's.

In humans, with the exception of psychopaths and other emotional disabled, have empathy. The ability to empathize with the things and phenomena that do not concern them directly, and to relate their experiences with others. Feel their feelings, at least partially.

You know what they say: one death - a tragedy, a thousand - Statistics.

Do not allow any group to become a statistic for you. If you want to preserve the dignity, to go against the natural, but very ugly human instinct to generalize and attribute the actions of a handful of freaks a whole nation.

Give this conflict face. Search for a living, conscious person with whom you do not spit - it will be your emotional "window" on the other side.

What and how to talk

Find interlocutor - is half the battle, you have more time to calculate the "square the circle" of the time: to be honest, but sensitive, understanding, but not condescending.

I will repeat what has already said: I listened, asked questions, supported.

More than anything, in fact, do not need to do. And if something is to say, the truth. Not your speculation, not the conclusions reached "a running" and based on the data that you can not confirm, but the most truthful truth. Your. I say this:

"I'm terribly sorry that there is a war. I can see how you feel bad, and I want to help. I do not know whether there are Russian troops, but if there is a - it's a nightmare, and I am disgusted by this. I love you. Take a deep breath, please. And one more".

Another truth I did not, but that was enough.

How not to be carried out to promote and be a man

Rule number 2

Listen more, talk less. Ask. Let's understand what the other person is not alone, and you give him not the enemy.

And here's what not to do.

To argue with a serious face, who is to blame. (You do not know.) Uses the word "Putin" or "Crimea" in any subjective context. (You - not Putin, and the Crimea - not yours.) To show disrespect to the dead, whoever they were. (The phrase "Serves them right" almost always wrong.) Exude the demonstrative beating his butt to the chest patriotism. (To love your country, you can, but do not push this love of the people's throats.)

In short, do not speculate on the facts and draw conclusions from the air and get hysterical. At last there is an undeniable right to only those who stuck close, were injured or killed on the territory of Ukraine. Their hysterical completely justified. The rest is better to keep yourself in their hands.

If itching to express an opinion, express, but only as an opinion, without knocking sneakers on the table and operatic pathos. As said Faina Ranevskaya, less pathos, gentlemen. He was totally out of place here.

why talk

In other words, who needs it. Did I mention that my friend helped our conversations. The thing is that they also helped me.

I did not understand the situation in Ukraine is better, but something inside me calmed down. I ceased to engage in phone disputes and angry at relatives and friends who love, without asking, to pour into my ears opinion on which nauseated me.

I no longer have before them the case. I have a much better conversationalist.

How not to be carried out to promote and be a man

Rule number 3

Think with your head and make their own conclusions based on their sources.

You do not believe that it works? Here you another example. A very important and significant.

In 2002, under the leadership of PCFF (Israeli organization The Parents Circle-Families Forum) held free multi-channel telephone line Hello Shalom, to the inhabitants of Israel and Palestine can build dialogue.

At the moment, it was about a million calls.

The war goes there for a long time, thousands of families have lost their loved ones, but these people, these "sworn enemies", called and told their stories. They cried, shared grief and perhaps hope for the future world. Impressive, is not it?

"This land is mine." By the way the terrible absurdity of war in general and the Arab-Israeli conflict in particular,

In the XXI century, in fact ashamed to fight, but it is important to remember that information war - the same war. It causes us to hate each other, and people full of hatred, it is easy to manage. The ideologists of the world's dictators understand this, and therefore had such incredible success. Depersonalize the enemy, put the blame on him all the problems, make it the focus of aggression and irritation. "This is X, it's all my fault, let him deny him, hate him, kill him". It works.

But it works (and also can not forget about it) Only with your permission. Often silent and unconscious.

In the right circumstances, words have no less force than a sniper rifle, and government-controlled media often use this in creating a context in which we live and think. We are able to create your own, and make it the easiest way, choosing their sources of information.

Does that stop the Israeli war on the telephone line? Of course not. They stop the war or when the money ran out, or when all died.

The goal is not to stop the war, but the fact that we are in the background of all this chaos is not turned into a cynical, blinkered, angry monsters and try to support people who Now seriously.

That's all.