6 rules to help you think for yourself

We often rely on thoughts that have already been expressed by someone. In childhood, we listen to parents or teachers, then - scientists, lawyers or economists. But is it worth taking everyone's word for it? Richard Templar, the bestselling author on self-development, doubts this.

In the book “Rules of Thinking. How to find your way to awareness and happiness ”the writer tells how to avoid cognitive errors, learn to think independently and make better decisions. With permission from Alpina Publisher, Lifehacker publishes the first chapter of the book.

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Rule 1. Avoid echo chambers

In childhood, a person thinks the way his parents taught him. We believe their words when they tell us that putting your elbows on the table is bad, but changing your underwear every day is good. The child absorbs the value system of his family, and this is normal.

But we grow up and notice that school teachers adhere to several different rules, and classmates differ in their own views. Our thinking is already beginning to change. We adopt ideas from friends who think differently from ours

parents, and to which we listen very carefully in our youth.

This is natural, because it is so easy and comfortable to communicate with people who think the same way as you. You create your own picture of the world and are looking for like-minded people with whom you have a lot in common and have no reason for endless disputes.

When you hear someone literally broadcast your own thoughts, you feel valuable, convinced of loyalty and importance. their opinion, you understand that they are not alone. It's a nice set of sensations. And now you are already spending time together, assuring each other of your own righteousness and importance. People choose partners who think like them. By the same principle, they make friends, agree to a particular job.

This is what I call the echo chamber. Yes, it is comfortable and blissful to be in it, but at the same time it is difficult to remain yourself. In your small world, everyone votes the same, supports the same initiatives. You all have the same beliefs, prejudices, and values ​​that you all use social media and other online media to reinforce.

Thinking your own way is getting harder and harder. You literally deprive yourself of the opportunity to know how people see this world, whose thoughts differ from yours. You can only laugh smugly at their wrong in your constant company. It turns out, as soon as you change your views, the same friends (most likely) will begin to explain how wrong you are. It will be frustrating.

And yet, and still... The world is full of people, and many of them are beautiful, although they do not agree with you in everything. Perhaps you rarely come across them, but are they really all wrong? Among them there are people as smart as you who came to their convictions in an equally worthy way, and perhaps in a more worthy way.

After all, you have long ceased to think on your own and have connected to collective mind. Your views are group views, and you don't have to challenge yourself. You have long lost your independence and unwittingly turned into that very sheep that grazes only in a herd of your own kind.

You have to shake things up and change the situation, force yourself to expand your own worldview and open your mind to other ideas. There is a sure way to do this - look for friendship with someone you are interested in, and not with someone who agrees with you in everything.

Try to communicate with people of different ages and cultures, different backgrounds and social status, and you will be able to see the world in nuances. You will begin to reflect on your own, because your beliefs simply cannot constantly coincide with the views of each person from such a diverse group.

Look for friendship with someone you are interested in, not someone who agrees with you on everything.

Rule 2. Do not be afraid

Many are intimidated by the thought of having to think for themselves. After all, who knows what this might lead to? What if your loved ones will be hostile to your new principles and beliefs? What if you feel vulnerable?

Imagine suddenly realizing what you were wrong about, or at least realizing that you were wrong about everything. One of the obstacles on the way to independent thinking - fear of becoming different from everyone else.

These concerns are understandable. Therefore, I advise you to act gradually. There is no "thought police", at least for now. So others do not need to know about how your thinking is changing until you yourself decide to tell them about it.

There is no need to gather relatives and tell them something like: “I want you to know! From now on, I consider your way of life to be wrong and completely reject it. " A person who has begun to think independently is not obliged to inform others about it, if he himself does not want to share with someone.

Things will go uphill as soon as representatives of different spheres, carriers of different opinions, appear among your friends. This is one of the advantages of going beyond your closed world. You will immediately notice that society accepts much better people who think for themselves.

New acquaintancesbut they will delight you, and communication will turn out to be pleasant and interesting both with those who support the course of your thoughts, and with those who do not approve of it. Of course, you also have to get along with other people's characteristics and not perceive them as a danger. You need to learn to listen to others, but make your own decisions.

If you are used to agreeing with everyone, then, of course, it will be scary for you to tell people that you do not share their views. Therefore, it is better to wait until you are ready to notify them of this. Don't be surprised if they sense you are a threat. You need to deal with this, but if you think it over carefully in advance, then you will be satisfied with the result.

I will add: if you respect the views of other people, then it is very likely that they will respect yours. This is logical. I noticed long ago that (and this is not surprising) someone who honors someone else's point of view, even if he does not adhere to it, is more popular than someone who does not accept disagreement.

When I speak of independent thinking, I mean not only ideas and values, politics and religion. Independent thinking is useful both in work and in everyday life. It can be difficult for someone who works in a team to say to a partner for the first time, "I think it's better to do it differently." But it's worth a try. Be practical, polite, do not criticize anyone, and they will react calmly to your words. If you have thought everything carefully, then, most likely, the truth is on your side.

People will appreciate it. If they start to convince you that your idea is not so good, do not take it too personally. All the same, independently consider and analyze these comments - perhaps colleagues are right. If so, keep honing your thinking skills and don't despair. Every “independent thinker” sometimes needs courage. Remember Galileo or Darwin! But once you hear: "This is a great idea!" - how you are back in the ranks, you feel inspired and ready to voice your own thoughts again.

If you respect the views of other people, then it is very likely that they will respect yours.

Rule 3. Consider other people's motives

Some people have a unique gift for persuasion. In a car dealership, such a person will easily sell you a car, and at work he will make you recognize his way of solving a problem as the most effective. In a conversation with him, you will not even notice how you promise to come to his party. He will prove to anyone how badly plastic is harmful to the environment. Remember, you can't mindlessly follow another person's train of thought. Use your own mind when making decisions.

On the one hand, you personally may need a completely different car. On the other hand, plastic is really bad for nature. You need to figure out whether what you are being persuaded or what they are trying to persuade is true. To do this, the first step is to find out the reason why the person is trying to do this.

Think about why he needs to gain your trust. Some people want you to buy something, join somewhere, agree to something, attend an event, sign a petition as a result of their persuasion. But it also happens in a different way. Sometimes people just express their opinions and crave your approval. For example, a person wants to convince you that building a new car park is good for the city. After all, if someone agrees with us, we feel that we are not alone. So it is not at all necessary that something else is required of you.

Find out what they want from you, and it will be easier to figure out whether you personally need it. Let's say your buddy tells you that a nice party is coming up. He would like to go to it with you. But he cannot be sure that it will be great there. Do you want to go there? Do you want to keep company? If so, what is the reason? Because you want to have fun? Or to support a friend? TO methods of persuasion other people are easier to adjust if you know how to recognize them.

Of course, it may turn out that this particular car really suits you perfectly, whatever the goals of the seller who persuaded you to buy it. You should not give up something just because they are trying to impose it on you (otherwise they would not buy anything from car dealers).

Once you understand the person’s motive, you don’t have to reject their point of view. You just need to exercise reasonable care and double-check the information provided. Make sure they give you strong arguments.

The salon consultant can infect you with his enthusiasm by broadcasting about how fast the car develops or how comfortable the rear seats are in it. Don't give in! Are you sure that these criteria for choosing a vehicle are important to you? A colleague may say that in order to attract small engineering enterprises, you need to visit a specialized exhibition. Think, is it really so important that they become customers of your company? If not, why would a colleague need to acquire these connections? Only after dealing with motive other person, you will be able to determine which of the proposed facts should be given importance.

Once you understand the person’s motive, you don’t have to reject their point of view.

Rule 4. Beware of selfishness

We figured out other people's motives, but what about your own? Is it profitable for you where your thoughts lead you? We do not need to strain to think in selfish interests. We do this unconsciously. Perhaps, thanks to your train of thought, you are getting closer to improving your financial situation, raising your social status, or moving to a better area.

According to my observations, this often happens with politicians: it is beneficial for them to think so that they are re-elected again and again. Most of them struggle with solutions that will not please their constituents.

Have you ever seen vegetarians who didn't eat meat for ethical reasons, and then suddenly found an excuse for their reawakened steak cravings? No, I am not blaming anyone, I myself am one of them. This is not about going back to vegetarianism even if you miss meat. I'm talking about how important it is to be able to honestly admit to yourself the reasons for what is happening.

It can be difficult to recognize that you are thinking in your own best interests. Recently, I spoke with a person who was interviewing in the company of his dreamsbut didn't get the job in the end. After listening to the explanation of the reason for the refusal, he initially accepted it, but later gradually came to the conclusion that the decision was unfair, his strengths were not noticed.

You and I understand that it is not the job of the interviewer to find the strengths of the applicant. On the contrary, it is the applicant who must do everything to demonstrate their advantages. But that guy wanted to find someone to blame to calm himself down. He convinced himself that he was the best candidate for this position. Unfortunately, this mindset did not help him learn a lesson from what had happened. And it is very likely that the next time he tries to find a job, he will again face something similar, if not worse.

You need to be honest with yourself, although sometimes it is very difficult. The person who failed the interview needs to figure out why it happened. We'll have to admit: either he was not suitable for this position, or he did not show himself too well on interview.

Sometimes we think in selfish interests out of pride, and sometimes envy becomes the reason. The second is often associated with the first. Indeed, it is really easier to think that a colleague has been entrusted with leading a profitable project, because he is at the mercy of his superiors. It's harder to admit that the other person is actually better at the job than you.

Again, if you are not aware of the need to change your thoughts about this, you will never be assigned an important task. People who have a tendency to please others have many reasons to adjust their thoughts to the expectations of others. Of course, each of us will have at least 2-3 people who we would like to like.

Knowing that the boss prefers the one who agrees with him in everything, and the friends prefers the one who completely shares them interests, you run the risk of starting to adapt to everyone, and then your thought process will automatically bend under the demands of others. Yes, it's easier to maintain relationships with people (at least in your head). However, this path is hardly suitable for a person who is serious about thinking for himself.

Sometimes we think in selfish interests out of pride.

Rule 5. Keep your emotions in check

So, you want to learn how to resist manipulation and think for yourself. To do this, you need to figure out in what ways people can influence you. It's easier to resist the impact you see. Therefore, the next time they want to convince you of something, to persuade or persuade you to accept someone else's point of view, take note of how this person acts. In short, manipulators will always appeal to your emotions, not logic. As a self-thinker, you have a responsibility to fight back.

It is important for the manipulator that there is an emotional connection between you - this is an excellent starting point for further processing. If he manages to convince you that your feelings are similar to him, then it will be easier to make you believe that you think the same way. He draws your attention to how similar the circumstances in which you find yourself with him, and the values ​​that you share with him. He emphasizes that he understands well what it is like to raise children, work in an office, and hardly pay for rental housinghaving fun shopping or keeping a cat at home.

Now that you have recognized a similar experience, you can, figuratively speaking, be taken by the hand and led to the conclusion that the manipulator needed. So listen to people, but don't allow yourself to blindly follow them. Check your route and destination to make sure you are heading exactly where you would like to go.

If it is possible to play on your emotions, the manipulator will certainly take advantage of this, because a powerful force is hidden in them. Will try to piss you off to support a campaign against some kind of injustice. Will make your heart beat faster at the sight of the outfits it wants to sell you, or give it anxiety about budget overruns.

It turns out that the stronger the feelings that the manipulator touched, the faster you lose control when you listen to him. Try to keep track of your emotional reactions to maintain your ability to think rationally and balanced. Only in this way will you be able to assess how true the words that you hear are.

Another favorite trick manipulators - the use of emotionally loaded words. This is an insidious and subtle move, and, as a rule, it is designed for your subconscious mind. We all sin by this technique - yes, yes, and you too! Therefore, it would be good to learn to recognize it. Most of the objects and phenomena in this world can be described in very different ways. And sometimes it is extremely important which adjectives you use.

Let's say you have two newspapers in front of you - and each has materials about the same politics. If they are published by opposing political parties, then the headlines will be diametrically opposed in meaning. If one newspaper calls him "brave", then another - "reckless." Does he have a "hard" or "tough" character? Is he “socially active” or “unceremonious”? The choice of the epithet determines how convincingly it will turn out to draw a picture that is beneficial for the author (or newspaper).

I have always been curious how the media decides who to call “terrorists” and who to call “rebels”, who to call “freedom fighters” and who to call “resistance forces”. Sometimes these characteristics differ only in what kind of reaction the person using them expects from you. This is why it is so important to keep track of what words your interlocutor is picking up. They can be mentally replaced with more neutral ones in order to reason without bias yourself.

Keep in mind, consciously or unconsciously, you yourself use this method when you want to convince of something else. Therefore, you should not think that you are being deliberately manipulated by everyone who is trying to win you over to their side.

People have the right to defend their own point of view and express their opinion, whether you like it or not. At the same time, you also have the right to disagree or, conversely, agree with them, but only after you have thought it over carefully and independently.

It's easier to resist the impact you see.

Rule 6. Don't believe everything you hear

If you've believed everything you've read about, it's time to think about it. Of course, I'm sure of what I'm writing about, but it's time for you to learn to draw your own conclusions. How do you know you can trust me? We haven't even met. You do not know what I am and how I look. Yes, my book has been published, but that does not mean that I understand all this.

Of course, you can't live your life without ever relying on anyone, but you shouldn't be too gullible either. The best insurance against this is the ability to think for yourself. So thank you for continuing to follow the thread of my reasoning. I hope you don’t think you’re wasting your time pondering what you’ve read. But do not take for the truth everything that is written here, just because it is in front of you.

We have already discussed how to recognize the techniques used by manipulators to make you think the way they want. But there will always be someone who will develop a new successful strategy, or someone who knows you too well and is able to instinctively find your weak point.

One thing I know is that someone who thinks for themselves doesn't have to go too deep into a problem. trust or mistrust of people. It doesn't really matter if he himself influences the course of his thoughts. Of course, situations arise in which the ability to be confident in something else is very important. However, in order to stop any attempts of manipulators to convince you of something, you have to think for yourself.

In order not to believe everything that you hear, you need to give yourself time and think about what you have said. This behavior will be correct in any situation. Don't be forced to make a decision as soon as possible. As a rule, it is the person who is afraid that we will change our minds that puts too much pressure on us.

Everyone is familiar with advertising in the spirit of “Only today! Subscribe now and get a discount or bonus. " Personally, I don’t believe in this, and I understand that, most likely, tomorrow this proposal will continue to be relevant. Also, I never bargain until I consider the appropriateness of the purchase. If I need something, then the reduced price will be a nice addition, and if not, then any, even the smallest money will be wasted.

Yes, and one more thing... Charitable organizations know exactly how to act to get your money, even if it is pursuing the noblest goals. Their arsenal is the ability to make you feel guilty, directly or indirectly.

I am with both hands for fundraising for good deeds, but each has a certain limit, which he is able to allocate annually for this. Therefore, choose a foundation in the area that you really want to support - wildlife conservation, help the elderly, protect children - and transfer money only to them, be it a one-time payment or a regular one subscription. Do not let anyone force you to fork out just because an empty tin can is insistently shaken in front of your face and they want you to feel guilty.

If it's about more than a handful of coins out of your pocket, walk away. Decide if you want to help these particular people. You can always donate online or come back the next day. If you thought it was too harsh, don't be scary. The main thing is that you are thinking.

Do not take for the truth everything that is written here, just because it is in front of you.

Thinking Rules is a great way to figure out exactly how you think and make decisions. Richard Templar studies the peculiarities of human thinking and suggests which attitudes should be revised or modified.

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