14 non-obvious reasons why people might not like you

1. You are too active on social media

If you post a lot of photos, it can be annoying. This conclusion was reached 1. D. Houghton, A. Joinson, N. Caldwell et al. Tagger's Delight? Disclosure and liking behavior in Facebook: the effects of sharing photographs amongst multiple known social circles
2. D. Houghton, A. Joinson, N. Caldwell et al. Photographic Disclosure in Facebook and Relational Closeness with Others / Proceedings of the 51st Hawaii International Conference on System Sciences researchers from the Birmingham Business School. They emphasize that most subscribers do not know you well enough, so they will not be interested in following your every step. Although the study was conducted only on Facebook audiences, the results are quite applicable to others. social networks.

2. You have too many or too few social media friends

The number of subscribers also matters. Researchers from the University of Michigan suggested

S. Tom Tong, B. Van Der Heide, L. Langwell et al. Too Much of a Good Thing? The Relationship Between Number of Friends and Interpersonal Impressions on Facebook / Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication students rate multiple people on their Facebook profiles. The lowest scores were given to those with around 100 or fewer friends. Almost the same reaction was caused by users with over 300 followers. The people who had about 300 friends were rated the highest by the respondents.

Subsequent studies have confirmedG. G. Scott. More Than Friends: Popularity on Facebook and its Role in Impression Formation / Journal of Computer-Mediated Communicationthat the number of subscribers really affects the impression of a person: too small and too many friends seems suspicious.

3. You're photographing your face too close

In 2012, scientists from California proposedR. Bryan, P. Perona, R. Adolphs. Perspective Distortion from Interpersonal Distance Is an Implicit Visual Cue for Social Judgments of Faces / PLoS ONE several subjects to play an economic game. Trust was important in it: the participants looked at the people captured in the photographs and decided how much money they would give them.

It turned out that those whose face was filmed from a distance of 45 cm, the players trusted smaller. They were also considered less attractive and less competent. According to researchers, the point here is that we perceive such a closely taken photo as an invasion of personal space.

The respondents rated those people whose faces were filmed from a distance of 135 cm much better. Consider this when you take a new photo on avatar.

4. You sacrifice yourself for the good of others.

It may seem that the more altruistic you behave, the more people like you. But this is not always the case.

In 2010, American psychologists suggested 1. C. D. Parks, A. B. Stone. The desire to expel unselfish members from the group / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
2. C. Parks. Your Most Helpful Colleague (Don’t You Hate Him?) / Harvard Business Review several students to play with four other people whom they will not see. They were actually computer algorithms. One of them was either trying to maximize his profits, or he invested heavily in the common cause. The others behaved with restraint.

At the end of the experiment, students were asked to rate those they played with. It turned out that people who are too disinterested are not loved almost as much as egoists.

5. You are pretending to be humble

Often, when asked about their flaws, people begin to list qualities that actually make them look good. For example, they say they suffer from perfectionism or excessive industriousness. They try to appear positive in everything, to earn sympathy with complaint or modesty.

The authors of the study from the Harvard Business School noteO. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct - and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Journal of Personality and Social Psychologythat such a strategy of self-presentation is ineffective. During the experiments, it was found that "modest bragging" is not pleasant to the interlocutors, causing them to doubt the competence of the person. People feel insincere, and therefore even ordinary braggart will be treated more favorably.

Remember this when you go out on a date or interview.

6. Are you nervous

Dealing with stress and nervous tension is not easy, but it must be done. And here's another reason why.

Researches showP. Dalton, C. Mauté, C. Jaén et al. Chemosignals of Stress Influence Social Judgments / PLoS ONEthat the smell of sweat produced by stress is more dislikable than that of exercise. A nervous person is perceived as less competent and self-confident. True, such a reaction was found only in men.

You can smooth the effect if you use antiperspirant: it drowns out the "smell of stress".

7. You have a complicated first or last name

As unpleasant as it may sound, people can not only mock those who have hard-to-pronounce names or surnames, but also intuitively dislikeS. M. Laham, P. Koval, A. L. Alter. The name-pronunciation effect: Why people like Mr. Smith more than Mr. Colquhoun / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology their.

Scientists emphasize that names, in addition to the fact that they can convey gender, ethnicity and origin, can influence life. For example, a person with a pronounceable surname will find it easier to move forward in the service. This fact should be taken into account, although, of course, it is not necessary to run to the passport office.

8. You don't shake hands firmly enough when you meet

A firm handshake is appreciatedW. F. Chaplin, J. B. Phillips, J. D. Brown et al. Handshaking, Gender, Personality, and First Impression / Personality Processes And Individual Differences people as a sign of a positive attitude towards life, sociability and calmness. Therefore, it is not surprising that in experiments simulating interviews, those who tangibly shake hands receivedG. L. Stewart, S. L. Dustin, M. R. Barrick et al. Exploring the handshake in employment interviews / Journal of Applied Psychology higher scores.

However, it is worth noting two points. This only applies to men (women's handshakes did not in any way affect their chances of being chosen), and it is still not worth breaking a hand for a person.

9. You show off to your influential acquaintances.

Perhaps you studied in the same faculty with a celebrity, or once rode an elevator with a famous actor. Or maybe you have influential acquaintances?

One way or another, it is better not to talk about it if you are not asked or if the conversation was about something else. An experiment carried out by Swiss psychologists showsC. Lebherz, K. Jonas, B. Tomljenovic. Are we known by the company we keep? Effects of name-dropping on first impressions / Social Influencethat name dropping (literally "name dropping") is fraught with the fact that you will not be taken seriously. People will think you are bragging or trying to hide your lack of other accomplishments.

10. You are being too cheerful and optimistic.

On the one hand, it seems obvious that no one likes gloomy people. Research confirms this. For example, a smile enhancesS. Centorrino, E. Djemai, A. Hopfensitz et al. Honest signaling in trust interactions: smiles rated as genuine induce trust and signal higher earning opportunities / Evolution and Human Behavior trust in a person speaks of his honesty.

On the other hand, excessive optimism, for example, an open expression of their own happiness, others canA. Barasch, E. E. Levine, M. E. Schweitzer. Bliss is ignorance: How the magnitude of expressed happiness influences perceived naiveté and interpersonal exploitation / Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes considered naive, that is, the inability to adequately perceive the world. It is possible that the interlocutors will try to give the “lucky ones” biased advice and use their weaknesses during negotiations.

11. You look very masculine

Research has shownM. C. Quist, L. M. De Bruinea, A. C. Little et al. Integrating social knowledge and physical cues when judging the attractiveness of potential mates / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology British psychologists, excessive masculinity, although attractive to women, is also regarded by them as a sign infidelity. Therefore, they may not perceive brutal men as potential partners.

12. You avoid eye contact

Someone likes to look into the eyes during a conversation, some do not. But as show 1. N. A. Murphy. Appearing Smart: The Impression Management of Intelligence, Person Perception Accuracy, and Behavior in Social Interaction / Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
2. R. J. Larsen, T. K. Shackelford. Gaze avoidance: Personality and social judgments of people who avoid direct face-to-face contact / Personality and Individual Differences scientific research, maintaining eye contact is very important. With its help, people involuntarily try to find out more about the interlocutor.

Not wanting to do this may seem like a sign that you are not entirely sincere, if not entirely. lie. This reduces your attractiveness in the eyes of the person you are interacting with. Therefore, try not to look away during important conversations.

13. You do not allow the interlocutor to tell about yourself or you do not reveal anything yourself

Sharing some information about yourself is a good way to win the other person's favor. To prove this, a team of psychologists from the United States simulatedS. Sprecher, S. Treger, J. D. Wondra et al. Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology communication of people via Skype, dividing the participants in the experiment into pairs.

In some, the test subjects shared information about themselves with each other during the conversation; in others, one person spoke and the other listened. As a result, the level of mutual sympathy among the latter it was significantly lower.

Therefore, you should not bombard the interlocutor with questions or, conversely, just sit and listen. The exchange of personal information should be mutual, otherwise nothing good will come of communication.

14. You hide emotions

Researchers emphasizeA. M. Tackman, S. Srivastava. Social responses to expressive suppression: The role of personality judgments / Journal of Personality and Social Psychologythat this behavior serves as a signal to others that you either do not want to communicate, or simply not the most nice man.

This was confirmed by a recent experiment. Psychologists asked several people to watch funny and sad videos, and their reactions were filmed on camera. Some were instructed to respond naturally, while others were instructed to suppress emotions. Then the scientists asked the students to rate the people on the video. Those who concealed their feelings scored significantly less points.