Why does a child have tantrums and how to deal with them

Except for those cases when the child has already formed a habit of scandalousness, children rarely throw tantrums on purpose. Usually kids themselves are not happy that they have to roll on the floor and cry. However, for a number of physiological reasons, they are not able to help themselves. But adults can. Let's figure it out.

Why does a child have a hysteria

Tantrum is a complex cocktail of anger or frustration on the one hand and low self-control on the other. Moreover, a very specific area of ​​the brain is responsible for each element.

• Anger, irritation, fear and aggression are linkedAnger Management / Harvard Medicine with the activity of the amygdala, or amygdala. It is a piece of nerve tissue and part of the limbic system. brain. Its main task is to constantly process information from various senses in order to detect a threat in time. If the latter is seen, it startsAnthony Wright, Ph. D. Neuroscience Online. Chapter 6: Limbic System: Amygdala / Department of Neurobiology and Anatomy, McGovern Medical School
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  the famous "fight or flight" reaction.
• Self-control is a function of the prefrontal cortex. At birth, this area is still immature. It developsNicholas J. Kelley1, Alessia Gallucci, Paolo Riva, Leonor Josefina Romero Lauro and Brandon J. Schmeichel. Stimulating Self-Regulation: A Review of Non-invasive Brain Stimulation Studies of Goal-Directed Behavior / Frontiers in Behavioral Neurosciencs for years and even decades. Therefore, the skill does not appear immediately.

Scientists believe that resistance emotional outbursts - one of the most difficultAmanda R. Tarullo, Jelena Obradović, M.R. Gunnar. Self-control and the developing brain / ResearchGate aspects of self-control.

Imagine that you are driving a car and some bad person cut you off. You are furious, ready to chase after him to teach him a lesson - this is the amygdala. Its activity causesUnderstanding the stress response / Harvard Health Publishing chain reaction: adrenaline is released, the heart begins to beat faster, the blood rushes to the muscles. You feel like hitting! Well, or run. In any case - to act.

However, at this moment, the prefrontal cortex turns on, thanks to which you are aware of the possible consequences of an emotional impulse and pull yourself together. If, for some reason, the prefrontal cortex fails, the level of self-control decreases, and you can commit rash acts.

For children, everything happens exactly the same way. When a toddler doesn't get what they want, they feel angry or frustrated. Its amygdala triggers a vigorous fight-or-flight response. But the prefrontal cortex is not ready yet.The Science Behind Your Child's Tantrums / The New York Times resist it.

A child cannot control himself purely physiologically. The body stimulated by the amygdala requires action, and now the baby screams, breaks loose and rolls on the floor.

What to do if a child is hysterical

The prefrontal cortex matures at different rates: some master self-control earlier, some later. But on average, babies start to govern emotions by about three years old, and by six they significantly improve this skill.

To help your child speed up this process, respond to tantrums like this.

Do not scold or punish

You already understand where this emotional outburst comes from. The kid simply cannot control his disappointment, resentment and anger, his body demands to throw them out. There is no point in scolding for involuntary actions.

Don't fall for

Often, parents are tempted to solve the problem with little blood, here and now: “Okay, I’ll buy, just don’t shout.” Or: "Okay, let's go where you want." However, this is a bad decision.

If the child gets reward for tantrums, they can become habitual behavior. And, most likely, will continue into adulthood.

Keep calm

The calmer and more confident the parent is, the faster the baby calms down. Conversely: if you scream, the childish tantrum lastsTemper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace / Mayo Clinic.

Scientists have not yet fully figured out how this mechanism works. But it is assumedThe Science of Tantrums / NeuroGrowthat a significant role in it is played bySourya Acharya and Samarth Shukla. Mirror neurons: Enigma of the metaphysical modular brain / Journal of natural science, biology, and medicine mirror neurons are brain cells that make us imitate the behavior and emotions of those around us.

If you realize that you will also break loose now, take a few deep breaths: this will help. calm down.

Manage your baby's reactions

Take advantage of the fact that the child partly mimics your behavior and emotions. Show him that you are calm and ready to make contact. One of the easiest ways to do this is to sit down, grab your baby by the shoulders and look into the eyes.

You can also use soothing sensory cues. For example, pat the child on the head and back, hug. You can, looking into his eyes, take a few deep breaths - the baby will unconsciously begin to imitate you, and such breathing will help calm him down.

Help your child understand what happened

Try to talk about what happened. Ask your baby why he started crying, and help him formulate the reasons for his behavior. "I got angry because I really wanted to get that toy." "I screamed because you put this jacket on me and I don't like it."

By pronouncing emotions, the child becomes aware of them and thus becomes one step closer to self-control.

Explain your decisions and reason for them

For example: "I cannot let go of your hand when we cross the road, because there are many dangerous cars around." Or: "It's wet outside, and if you put on your favorite sandals, they will immediately become dirty, ugly, deteriorate, and we will have to throw them away."

The better the child understands the logic of your actions, the less stress he experiences and the less often the amygdala shouts to him: "We are offended, we will die!"

How to prevent tantrums in a child

There is no way that is guaranteed to stop them. But you can help your child maintain peace of mind. The Mayo Clinic American Research Center recommendsTemper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace / Mayo Clinic that's what.

• Be consistent. Don't break the rules you set.
• Establish a daily routine and stick to it. The child will know what to expect at any given time. Predictability will reduce stress.
• Plan things based on your child's condition. If you need to go shopping together, choose a time when your baby is not hungry or tired. If you think you have to queue, bring some toys and a snack with you.
• Give your child the opportunity to make choices. Children often throw tantrums because they cannot influence an important situation for them in any way. Therefore, try to find out his opinion and offer different options where possible.
• Praise good behavior. Focus on the moments when your baby copes with his emotions. Hug him, tell him how proud you are of him, and explain why.
• Avoid situations that can provoke tantrums. Any emotional outburst has a trigger - the factor that triggers it. Your task is to calculate it and avoid it if possible. For example, if a child demands toys in supermarkets, try not to go there together or stay away from the departments with baby goods.

When to see a pediatrician

With age, tantrums gradually disappear. Their number becomes much less by 3.5 years. But there isTemper tantrums in toddlers: How to keep the peace / Mayo Clinic several signs for which it is worth consulting with a pediatrician.

• Tantrums do not go away or are becoming more frequent, although the child is already four years old.
• During tantrums, the baby harms himself or other children.
• The child screams and cries almost to the point of losing consciousness.

This behavior can indicate a physical or psychological disorder. The doctor will identify or exclude them. And he will advise what to do next.