Why some people get annoying for no reason and how to calm your nerves

It happens that a person wakes up, and from the very morning he is angry with colleagues, acquaintances and close people. Or someone in particular enrages, and it is not clear why. We understand the reasons for increased irritability.

Why we don't like some people so much, even if we don't really know them

This is why this can happen.

Due to a bad first impression

To compose it, it is enough for us 1. J. Willis, A. Todorov. First impressions: making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face / Psychological science
2. A. Todorov, C. Y. Olivola, R. Dotsch et al. Social Attributions from Faces: Determinants, Consequences, Accuracy, and Functional Significance / Annual Review of Psychology from half a second to four hundredths. Of course, the opinion that has arisen in such a short time may turn out to be erroneous. For example, it is unlikely that in appearance it will be possible to objectively determine whether a person is good or evil. In this case, the initial sensations haveN. Klein, E. O'Brien. The Tipping Point of Moral Change: When Do Good and Bad Acts Make Good and Bad Actors? / Social Cognition

they are of great importance to us, and it is not easy to forget about them.

As they thinkR. Dotsch, R. Hassin, A. Todorov. Statistical learning shapes face evaluation / Nature Human Behavior psychologists from the Netherlands, Israel and the USA, the first impression we make on the basis of past experience. For example, if someone is like our longtime offender, then he will be unpleasant by his appearance alone. The opposite also happens: due to appearance we can expect too much from a person, and then be upset when he does not live up to expectations.

It's not just the visual image that influences the first impression. For example, it is knownR. Matthew Montoya, R. S. Horton, J. Kirchner. Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta ‑ analysis of actual and perceived similarity / Journal of Social and Personal Relationshipsthat we prefer people with similar views. We automatically classify them as "good". And vice versa, everything that seems strange, unknown, incomprehensible and alien to us, including in the behavior of other people, causes rejection. For example, a closed person may be annoyed by an interlocutor who is ready to share the details of his personal life with everyone.

Due to the fact that in them we see a reflection of our own shortcomings

It happens that people unconsciously suppress certain qualities in themselves and supplant them. For example, because they consider them unacceptable or shameful. However, the features still remainE. Yang, J. Brascamp, M ‑ S. Kang et al. On the use of continuous flash suppression for the study of visual processing outside of awareness / Frontiers in Psychology part of the personality of these people and attract them. As a result, there is an unconscious envy of those who openly demonstrate such sides of character.

Sometimes it's even easier. Strong dislike is caused by those behavioral features that people do not like in themselves and want eradicate. A critical attitude towards one's own shortcomings is translated into the negative qualities of another person and inflates them. So, a person who is often late himself gets very annoyed when someone else makes him wait.

Due to excessive sensitivity

Certain behaviors, most often unconscious, can actually cause suffering. Sensitive people will react violently to unpleasant sounds, such as sniffing, smacking their lips, or crunching their fingers. It is not just unpleasant for them, but it is physically difficult for them to endure this. This is calledA. Schröder, G. van Wingen, N. Eijsker et al. Misophonia is associated with altered brain activity in the auditory cortex and salience network / Scientific Reports intolerance to certain sounds, or misophonia.

Due to the behavior of the person himself

The reason for your irritability may also lie in who is causing it. People often provoke negative reactions themselves.

They can behave rudely, disrupt order and discipline, constantly interfere with or distract from important business for the sake of useless chatter. It's only natural what behavior is will cause dissatisfaction of others.

What else causes unreasonable irritability

Sometimes she can talk about mental and physical health problems. For example, when you are pissed off by everyone and there is no reason for it.

Due to stress or depression

Irritability is one of the symptoms of stress.Stress / NHS and depressionSymptoms - Clinical depression / NHS. A number of other signs also indicate their presence:

• dizziness, headaches, chest pains, stomach and muscle pains, palpitations;
• constant bad mood and feeling of tiredness;
• trouble concentrating, forgetfulness;
• depression or anxiety;
• low self-esteem and motivation;
• excessive or insufficient appetite;
• insomnia or drowsiness;
• active use of alcohol and tobacco;
• thoughts of suicide or selfharme;
• loss of libido.

Irritability is not the worst consequence of stress and depression. They can seriously undermine mental or physical health.

Due to lack of sleep

A person may not get enough sleep due to a disturbed routine or sleep disturbances, such as insomnia or apnea. Lack of proper rest will directly affectWhy lack of sleep is bad for your health / NHS on the mood: it is unlikely that a sleepy person will be happy with a talkative neighbor or a diligent intern who came with a bunch of questions early in the morning.

Due to low blood sugar

Sometimes irritability manifests itselfLow blood sugar (hypoglycaemia) / NHS at hypoglycemia - low blood sugar. In this case, the following symptoms are also observed:

• sweating;
• feeling tired, weak;
• dizziness;
• tingling in the lips;
• shiver;
• cardiopalmus;
• pallor;
• blurred vision;
• gaps in consciousness and difficulty concentrating;
• slurred speech, clumsiness, behavior of a drunk person;
• seizures, fainting.

Due to hormonal disorders

Fluctuations in the levels of various hormones can cause irritability. Since they control the processes in our body, such changes can strongly influence the behavior of people.

For example, in men, irritability can be caused by a decrease inLow Testosterone (Male Hypogonadism) / Cleveland Clinic testosterone levels, and in women - hormonal fluctuationsPMS (premenstrual syndrome) / NHS at premenstrual syndrome.

How to deal with irritability

There are several ways to prevent it or deal with the consequences.

Monitor your health

When a person is physically healthy, his mental state also stabilizes, which means he is less irritable. Here are some basic tips to help you live a healthier lifestyle:

1. Right eat. It can improveEat well / NHS mood in general and reduce irritability in particular. Try to diversify your menu and eat less fast food, sweet and greasy.
2. Get a good night's sleep. SleepSleep tips: 6 steps to better sleep / Mayo Clinic at least 7-8 hours a day. Go to bed at the same time and try to sleep at night.
3. Play sports or just move more. ProvenPhysical activity / World Health Organizationthat it improves physical and mental health. Find an activity you like and regularly devote at least two and a half hours a week to it.

Identify the causes of your irritation and work through them

Most often they are hidden in ourselves, because people, most likely, do not tryR. Knight. How to Develop Empathy for Someone Who Annoys You / Harvard Business Review deliberately lead others.

You will have to work hard and learn how to control your negative emotions. Irritation and anger distract us and prevent us from understanding the cause of what is happening. Help to calm down quickly breathing practices.

When a wave of resentment hits you, tryR. Knight. How to Develop Empathy for Someone Who Annoys You / Harvard Business Review start breathing slowly and deeply. Try to concentrate on this. You can also try to hold your breath briefly or count your breaths. This will help you take a calmer look at the situation and find the true source of your anger.

Contact a specialist

If you cannot independently work out the reasons for your irritability and learn how to control it, you should go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Do the same for signs of stress or depression.

If you are not sleeping well or have symptoms of hypoglycemia or hormonal imbalance, see a therapist. He will order additional tests for you or send you to the appropriate specialist.