How to make friends with others when you're a humble introvert

1. Be yourself

Introverts need loneliness, and you shouldn't give up on it. It's okay if you don't want to spend all your time with other people. Therefore, before looking for new friends, ask yourself, do you really need it? Maybe you just think that you should have more acquaintances - like everyone else? Or maybe this point of view was imposed on you?

But if you really want to expand your social circle, first of all determine what kind of people you want to see next to you. Usually, it is most comfortable with those who share your interests and outlook on life.

Therefore, it is worth focusing on what fascinates you, finding people with similar hobbies and letting new acquaintances get to know yourself better, to fall in love with who you really are.

2. Change not yourself, but your behavior

Personality traits are not easy to change, but you can sometimes try to behave differently. Psychologists found outS. Margolis, S. Lyubomirsky. Experimental manipulation of extraverted and introverted behavior and its effects on well-being / Journal of experimental psychology. General

that more extroverted behavior can positively influence a person's well-being.

Try to exchange a few words with a colleague in the office kitchen, accept an invitation to a party, or leave a comment on a community on a social network. Track how you feel when you do unusual things. If you're uncomfortable, don't push yourself.

3. Don't be afraid that people won't love you right away.

We often try to make a good first impression on people, are afraid of disappointing them and think we might be disliked. But you don't need to worry about that. Experts from various US universities have provenE. J. Boothby, G. Cooney, G. M. Sandstrom, M. S. Clark. The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think? / Psychological sciencethat after meeting you, people like you much more than you think.

4. Greet people first

This advice may sound cliché, but shy introverts are often shy about saying hello or looking someone in the eye. But it is these simple actions that show people that you are friendly. Therefore, do not be afraid to wave your hand to someone first and smile.

5. Use friendly body language

To gain self-confidence and improve interaction with people, try to show your body your openness to communication, advisesHow Introverts Can Use Body Language to Feel Confident / HuffPost Vanessa Van Edwards is a writer and founder of The Science of People, a laboratory that studies human behavior.

Do not cross your arms over your chest, as if in defense, hold back straight. Smile and nod as you support the other person and encourage them to continue the story.

6. Give yourself time

We show ourselves as real only when we feel comfortable with someone. But this takes time. And if at first you are uncomfortable with new friends, do not scold yourself, saysThe Introvert's Complete Guide to Making Friends Who ‘Get’ You / Introvert, Dear writer Jenn Granneman. The more time you spend with them, the more comfortable you will be.

7. Be interested in people, ask questions

When we meet new people, we have to talk about ourselves, and this is what every introvert is afraid of. But the conversation doesn't have to be about you.

People love to talk about themselves and what they think. Give them that opportunity and sometimes answer their questions.

8. Use your strengths

Other people may like your personality traits, behaviors, skills. Take advantage of this.

Study yourself, find out what you are good at. For example, you can be a great listener, compassionate and empathetic person, and your friends can count on your support and ability to keep secrets.

Another person might like your unique qualities. introvertwho recognizes you as a close-minded person, or can complement the opposite traits of an extrovert.

9. Don't be afraid to try new things

If your current hobbies aren't helping you expand your social circle, look for new hobbies. You can start with what you have always been interested in: enroll in a dance class or on a tour of your hometown, work as a volunteer, or participate in social events.

You don't need to talk to anyone the first time if you are uncomfortable. But if you like it, you can continue to go to events and keep in touch with someone you already met there.

We are often attracted to people with similar values ​​and experiences, but don't be afraid to meet people who are different from you. Communicating with them will help broaden your horizons or even change your outlook on the world.

10. Take a closer look at people you already know

You don't have to look for friends among strangers. Introvert author Sophia Dembling suggestsFirst, Leave the House: Strategies for Making New Friends / Psychology Today pay attention to others: some of them may turn out to be an interesting person with similar hobbies and outlooks on life.

Maybe your colleague loves the same music as you and will happily accompany you at a concert. Or he reads just as much and is willing to share his collection of interesting books. Or maybe your former classmate is actually an interesting girl with whom you can talk about everything in the world? Keep an eye on people!

11. Be a little more persistent

If you want to make friends with someone, do not be afraid to take the risk and take the first step, write, start a conversation.

And do not be afraid of awkwardness in communication, if it arises at first. This does not characterize you or another person in any way. It just happens at the beginning of a friendship.

12. Don't chase quantity

Psychologists believeR. Cabello, P. Fernandez-Berroca. Under which conditions can introverts achieve happiness? Mediation and moderation effects of the quality of social relationships and emotion regulation ability on happiness / PeerJthat it doesn't really matter how many friends you have. It is important how they suit you. Because the quality of relationships with people directly affects the feeling of happiness and life satisfaction.

It may be enough for you to have a strong relationship with family and one friend, to get along with their colleagues and, if necessary, maintain a polite conversation. And if you are so comfortable, good. In the end, it's better to have one good friend than to gather a crowd of acquaintances for whom you have neither the time nor the energy.

13. Practice communication, but don't overdo it.

To improve your ability to interact with other people, communicate with them. However, you don't need to be socially active all the time. Don't spend too much time with your friends if it makes you stressed.

14. Immerse yourself in the routine of friendship

Many introverts love the routine, so don't be afraid to ask your friends to meet once a week at a specific time. For example, to dine on Saturday at your favorite restaurant or take a walk in the park on Tuesday after work.

15. Don't be discouraged if friendship didn't work out

It also happens that some relationships simply do not work out, and this is normal. Sofia Dembling assuresFirst, Leave the House: Strategies for Making New Friends / Psychology Today: when friendship fails, there are no losers. Therefore, give up self-flagellation and continue looking for your person.