Solomon's paradox: why solving other people's problems is easier than your own

It often happens that a person gives good, rational advice to others. Behind "I would have done this" hides great wisdom. But as soon as he gets into the same situation, he makes the wrong decisions. Although, it would seem, it is enough to follow your own recommendations.

This inconsistency is called the Solomon's paradox. And if you know about this contradiction, you can start giving cool advice not only to others, but also to yourself.

What a paradox and what does Solomon have to do with it

Scientists Igor Grossman and Ethan Cross became interested in the problem. In a series of experimentsExploring Solomon's Paradox: Self-Distancing Eliminates the Self-Other Asymmetry in Wise Reasoning About Close Relationships in Younger and Older Adults they asked subjects to speculate about a situation that happened to them or to someone else.

It turned out that people really show a more rational and wiser view of what is happening if the problem does not concern themselves. They begin to consider all possible factors that can affect the development of events, predict the consequences, take into account the prospects of all participants, recognize the importance of

compromises. But by placing themselves at the center of history, people lose the ability to reason sanely.

Scientists named this paradox after the biblical king Solomon. According to legend, he was known as a great sage, to whom everyone came for advice. Perhaps the most famous parable with his participation is the story of two mothers. Two women argued over the child, each claiming that it was her son. Solomon commanded to chop up the baby and give each half. One of the disputants made this decision. And the second agreed to concede the child to a rival, if only he remained alive. Then the king realized that the second woman is real mother.

In general, Solomon gave wise and competent advice. But he ended up rather ingloriously. The tsar squandered the state treasury. Under him, uprisings began, which after his death split the country in two. And with a series of wrong decisions, he angered God, and he promised the people of the ruler many hardships. That is, with his life, the king demonstrated the paradox of Solomon.

Where does our wisdom go when we face problems?

It is easier to talk about other people's problems with a cool head: take a sober look at the whole situation, turn it around in every way, try to understand the motives of all its participants. Here, an active role is played byThe Role of Medial Prefrontal Cortex in Memory and Decision Making prefrontal cortex brain. It also allows you to sort out the options for solving the problem and find the optimal one. At the same time, you can experience different emotions - from sympathy to anger, but they are unlikely to overwhelm you.

It is quite another matter when it comes to ourselves. This is where strong emotions come into play. And the amygdala begins to pull the blanket over itselfThe amygdala and decision making. It is responsible, for example, for fear.The Biology of Fear, aggressionThe role of central and medial amygdala in normal and abnormal aggression: A review of classical approaches etc. In stressful situations, it is the amygdala that determines our reaction: hit, run or freeze.

Influenced by the strong emotions it is difficult to act rationally, to look at the situation as a whole. Especially if the brain has decided that it is necessary to react to danger immediately. Therefore, it is very easy to break wood, and then bite your elbows.

How to turn Solomon's paradox to your advantage

There is some good news, too. Igor Grossman and Ethan Cross checked what would happen when the participant began to make recommendations to himself, but as if from the outside. It turned out that if you analyze problems from a third person, wisdom returns and advice turns out to be rational again.

Moreover, for the assessment they used a situation that really evokes emotions. Volunteers in long-term romantic relationships were asked to pretend that their partner cheated on them. When the participants in the experiment “tried on” the situation for themselves, they lost the ability to think soberly. But as soon as they went from "Why do I feel this way?" to "Why does he feel this way?" (that is, distanced themselves), judgments did not just change for the better. They were practically indistinguishable from the assessments of the situation given by volunteers who initially dealt with another person's problems.

This discovery is worth using if you tend to make the wrong decisions when emotions rush. Try to think about the situation as if it happened to someone else. Use third person pronouns. You can even imagine that the problem is not yours. For example, imagine yourself as a columnist who answers readers' emails. Or a visitor to a blog whose author shares a similar problem - always in the comments know how to live.

In general, give advice to an imaginary friend - and then follow the advice yourself.