Reframing is a million dollar skill. Here's how to master it

Back in the day, my three-year-old sister taught me lesson after lesson every day. For example, one day she took crayons and painted them lavishly on the walls of a freshly painted bedroom. Here's the reaction:

“You shouldn't have done that! Can't paint on the walls!

“Mommy, don’t worry. You can wash it off if you want.

Or another case. The girl used her mother's lipstick to paint her lips like a clown. After that, my mother and sister had the following dialogue:

- Now my lipstick is ruined.

- It's good, because you can buy yourself a new one, even more beautiful!

I don't know where she learned to rethink situations so easily and find something good and inspiring in each one. As if she was born with sunlight in her eyes and saw only the bright side in everything.

Two decades later, my sister is still glowing with optimism. And during this time I found out that, according to researchEmotionally intelligent people reappraise rather than suppress their emotions

, the ability to rethink situations and see positive in everything speaks of a high level emotional intelligence (EQ).

The good news is, you don't have to be a three-year-old to see the world in sunlight. Reframing is a skill that can be learned. If you master it early in your professional life, it has the potential to generate over a million dollars over the course of your career.

What is reframing and how is it useful

My sister's talent was in the ability to rethink life situations. She looked at the adults around her and their problems from a non-standard point of view. This is the essence of reframing, as defined by experts.

Psychologists believeCognitive Reappraisal and Acceptance: Effects on Emotion, Physiology, and Perceived Cognitive Coststhat reframing (from the English. words frame - "frame"; in literal translation - reinstallation, updating of semantic frames, boundaries), also known as cognitive reevaluation, is available to everyone. Research showsCognitive Reappraisal and Acceptance: Effects on Emotion, Physiology, and Perceived Cognitive Coststhat, having mastered this skill, a person receives three important benefits.

1. He learns to manage his emotions and, as a result, psychologically feels better, even if everything around is difficult and bad.
2. Knows how to minimize the destructive effect of negative experiences. In this way, the physiological effects of stress are also reduced.
3. Improves its psychological health and well-being in general.

But there are more obvious bonuses to reframing. In particular, in the form of money.

How reframing can affect your income

In 2019 researchEmotionally intelligent people reappraise rather than suppress their emotions, published in the scientific journal PLOS ONE, unequivocally linked the ability for cognitive reappraisal to the level of emotional intelligence.

Meanwhile, the higher the emotional intelligence, the easier it is for a person to build relationships with other people and cope with life's difficulties and challenges.

Psychology professor Paula Durflovski statesThe Benefits of Emotional Intelligencethat developed emotional intelligence helps:

• make acquaintances and not get complex when communicating with other people;
• experience less anxiety and stress;
• smooth out conflicts, get out of them with the least loss;
• build stronger romantic and friendships;
• empathize with others, better understand their feelings and aspirations.

All of this has a tangible effect on success in life in general and in career in particular. By the way, there is scientific evidence for this.

In one large-scale studyIncreasing Your Salary with Emotional Intelligence scientists have estimated the emotional intelligence of more than 42 thousand people. And then they compared the data with the income level of the participants. It turned out that people with high levels of emotional intelligence, on average, earn $ 29,000 more per year than those with this type of intelligence. lowered.

Bottom Line: If you have developed EQ and your career is 40 years old, you can make about $ 1.2 million more. Reframing skills are a surefire way to take this path.

How to learn reframing

Harvard Stress and Development Lab experts recommendPositive Reframing and Examining the Evidence start out with a simple habit. In every difficult situation that makes you nervous and anxious, be sure to ask yourself two key questions.

1. What are the potential benefits of this situation? What benefit can you derive from it, how can you turn it to your advantage?
2. For what can I be grateful to this situation?

It is best to take a piece of paper and write down the answers. This way you will better fix them in consciousness and memory.

In addition, the same scientists advise "to study the evidence", that is, to soberly assess how dangerous the situation in which you find yourself. To do this, ask yourself three more questions:

1. What assumptions am I making about the thoughts, feelings, and likely behaviors of other people right now, and to what extent are these versions true? A simple example: you broke your mother's favorite cup and now you think that your mother will kill you. But in reality, she's just going to get upset. And, perhaps, emotionally will tell you about it. But it certainly won't come to murder, and your relationship as a whole is unlikely to suffer. You will still love each other. Just remember that from now on it is worth being more careful with things valuable to a loved one.
2. How likely is the negative outcome? Suppose you failed your university grade test and are now worried that it might drop your grade for the entire semester. Yes, there is such a risk. But how likely is it? Think of other tests that you did great a week or a month ago. And that there will be new tasks ahead, with which you, too, will cope better. So the damage to the semester grade from a failed test is likely to be. But it is unlikely to be significant.
3. What is the worst possible outcome and can I handle it? Let's continue with the failed test example. Yes, this may not be the first bad result. You get deuces systematically, and being expelled from the university is a very real prospect. But think: if your studies are so difficult, does this mean that you have chosen not your field? After leaving the university, you will get rid of endless exhausting exams. Get some respite, the opportunity to look around and find exactly the thing that will truly captivate you.

The above five questions are essentially all you need to master reframing. Print them out and carry them with you to practice in every difficult situation. With $ 29,000 a year at stake, this isn't too much of an inconvenience.