Why global goals turn out to be frustrating and how to fix it
Miscellaneous / / April 20, 2021
You will be happier and more successful if you take your time to move forward.
Bold, ambitious goals are sure to motivate and invigorate. However, getting hung up on them can be frustrating. There is one more thing: peering into the distance, it is easy to lose sight of what is right under your nose.
To be happy requires a different approach to goal setting. One that sets you up for success and at the same time allows you to enjoy life here and now.
What goals make you happy and what don't
Goals - both large and small - give existence meaning. Studies show that in the short term, they make us more optimistic and increase subjective feelings of well-being.
For example, in a studyIncreasing well-being through teaching goal-setting and planning skills: results of a brief intervention In 2008, psychologists conducted a simple experiment. Half of the participants set goals in life, voiced them and underwent training on the realization of desires.
The other half did nothing of the sort. Three weeks later, the researchers found that those who saw a goal in front of them felt, on average, 8% happier than before the experiment, and 12% happier than participants in the control group.
In this study, volunteers had different aspirations. But if you look closely, it turns out that not all goals lead to equal happiness.
So, the pollLife Goals Matter to Happiness: A Revision of Set-Point Theory, conducted in 2008 in Germany, showed that if intentions relate to family, friends, participation in social and political projects, they really increase the level of satisfaction with life.
But goals related to success in a career or obtaining material benefits, on the contrary, often have a bad effect on the feeling of well-being.
This, incidentally, is consistent with researchThe Path Taken: Consequences of Attaining Intrinsic and Extrinsic Aspirations in Post ‑ College Life, which was attended by graduates of American colleges. Striving for personal growth, creating close relationships, participating in various communities - in general, what psychologists call internal goals, - it really makes people feel better, more successful, happier.
And external desires - the thirst for material wealth, fame, attractiveness - on the contrary, lead to a subjective deterioration in life.
Why large-scale goals are bad
The size of your dreams matters too. Setting short-term, small and realistic goals strengthensGoal Striving, Need Satisfaction and Longitudinal Well-Being: The Self Concordance model belief in success and a feeling of happiness - provided that these values do not contradict our inner principles and are not imposed on us by other people.
For example, in one studySelf-concordance, goal attainment, and the pursuit of happiness: Can there be an upward spiral? college students who said they want to improve their academic performance during the year (which is in line with their personal motivation) have indeed proven to be more successful than others. As a result, they felt happier and more confident. This set them up to set goals further - and repeat successful experiences.
It is important to note here that the aspirations of the students were not global. Focusing on long-term, ambitious goals is risky. Simply because we are less likely to achieve them.
Exhausting pursuit of dreams, frustration breedsWhen Is Depression Not Depression? Part 3 pessimism. And they can even provoke the appearance depressive symptoms.
Therefore, setting bold ambitious goals, especially in troubled times, is a dangerous task. It can make you unhappy.
However, all this does not mean that one should completely abandon ambitious goals, in particular those related to career or finance. You just need to put them competently.
How to set goals so you don't face disappointment
The winning strategy includes three points. Leaning on them will protect you from frustration and make your life more fulfilling and happier.
1. Break a big target into smaller targets
The research above clearly demonstrates that goals can bring a lot of happiness if they are short-term, achievable, and successful. In other words, if we personally observe how we make progress step by step.
Therefore, decide what you want globally. Then break the big goal down into small steps. Find out what you need to achieve in a year, a month, a week, or perhaps even tomorrow.
For example, you want to have airbag the size of a million. It is quite possible to create it in three years, if every month you save three thousand rubles from your salary. As you do this, you will watch your gold supply grow, and it will bring confidence and joy.
Another example: you set a goal for yourself run a marathon. This can be achieved by starting to run and increasing the distance by at least 200-300 meters every week.
Daily goals are especially important in this context.
Summarize the subtotals regularly (but not too often - for example, once every six months). The rest of the time, focus on what needs to be done today to make positive progress.
And after doing this, put the work aside and feel the result, enjoy it. Repeat the next day.
2. Consider an ambitious goal as a guide only.
Oftentimes, frustration is the result of our fixation on achieving something specific. We become attached to the goal and, not having achieved it in full, we begin to suffer.
The way out is simple and elegant. Consider a global goal as not the only way to achieve happiness, but only as a guideline that determines the direction of your life path. In this case, if something does not add up or new opportunities arise, you can easily let go of the old goal and set a new one, avoiding disappointment.
Alternatively, initially record a large-scale desire with the note "... or something better." This will psychologically liberate you and allow you to easily swerve and change direction if a more attractive option looms ahead.
3. Set not external, but internal goals
External goals related to power, money, prestige are especially difficult to achieve. After all, these resources are limited, and in pursuit of them we are forced to displace other people from our lives, to alienate ourselves from ourselves. In this position, few people can feel happy.
Internal goals tied to love for people and personal growthare much more satisfying. Therefore, the correct list of aspirations must be based primarily on them.
Make a list of specific internal goals and work to achieve them. If you find it difficult to decide, use the following adviceThe moral bucket list:
David Brooks
Writer
Think about who you would like to remain in the memory of loved ones. Perhaps it will be "loving mother" or "always supportive father", and not "that dude who was always on business trips."
Dream about the person you would like to be. Then think about what it takes to become one. Finally, focus on what needs to be done right. Todayto get closer to this ambitious inner goal.
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