"I alone am smart, I stand beautiful in a white coat": how to communicate with people who consider themselves better than others

Who wears the white coat

Even before the pandemic began, these people bought buckwheat, toilet paper and masks. Because shrewd and thrifty, not like you. They did not lose their jobs and did not lose money. Because it was necessary to get a job in a normal organization, and not in this small business of yours. Their children are always obedient and learn well. Because their parents, unlike some, are engaged in upbringing. These superhumans never get depressed - they are too busy for that. Otherwise, there are idlers who justify themselves with all sorts of diagnoses.

Such comrades on the Internet are called white-coats. This definition grew out of a meme. Once a snapshot appeared on the WebNovodvorskaya. White coat opposition activist Valeria Novodvorskaya, on which she stands with a placard that reads: “You are all fools and do not get treatment! I alone am smart, I stand beautiful in a white coat! "

It is no longer clear to whom Novodvorskaya addressed these words and whether the inscription was changed in graphic editors. But it doesn’t matter: the phrase admirably aptly characterizes the “white-coats”. Sometimes such people are also called d'Artagnan thanks to the remark from the anecdote: "You are all ***, and I am d'Artagnan."

However, whatever you call it, the essence does not change: people in a white coat put themselves above others, try to humiliate their interlocutors and give unsolicited advice.

Why are people in white coats mad

They don't care about the feelings of others

They have only one goal - to sparkle with their snow-white clothes and show how infallible they are, unlike you, losers.

They show aggression and violate boundaries.

Yakanye, snobbery and unsolicited advice is quite an aggression, only passive. A person cannot say: "You are all disgusting mothers, I am much better than you!" Therefore chooses smoothed, but no less offensive formulations: “And my child, a year and a half, has already read poems. You just need to deal with children, that's all. "

They transfer their experience to everyone

“I don’t understand those who are always whining that the salary is low. Immediately after graduation, I got a job in a large company and get paid normally. You need to study well, develop yourself - and there will be no problems. "

It doesn't matter that the interlocutors have completely different life experiences and conditions, that they studied just as well, and the reasons for their small salary are completely different.

They lie and talk about things they don't understand

During the discussion, it may turn out that the white coat has no children, but he still knows how to raise them, and better than these modern mothers. Or that he never had excess weight, but he is sure that losing weight is easier than easy: stop eating fast food - and that's it.

They assure that they did not want anything bad

And sometimes they themselves believe in it. "I just expressed my opinion, why are you angry?" "I wanted the best, but you snap!"

What makes people wear a white coat

They fall into the traps of thinking

For example, because of the fundamental error of attribution: we believe that failures happen to us because external circumstances have developed that way, and to others because they themselves are to blame.

If I fail the exam, the teacher doesn't like me. If someone else - it is he simply prepared poorly.

Another trap works in a similar way - participant-observer effect. When we look at a person from the outside, we evaluate only him and his actions (that is, dispositional factors), and when we are inside the situation, we shift the focus of attention to external circumstances (exposure factors).

Another cognitive distortion that affects a person in a white coat is survivor's mistake. Because of her, it seems to us that since we have succeeded in something, it means that everyone else should. However, we ignore the fact that circumstances can be very different.

A classic example of a survivor's mistake is drawing parallels with billionaires and saying that since Steve Jobs opened a company in a garage and then raised such a giant out of it, then anyone can do it.

They believe in a just world

This is a kind of psychological defense. It is very convenient to think that all events follow a clear logic and are easily predictable. Or that a bad person always receives punishment, and a hardworking and good person always receives a reward, it is enough to follow certain rules, and nothing bad will happen to you. If this happens to someone, it means that he is to blame, that's all.

Recognize that there is no logic and justice and that with any person absolutely at any moment anything can happen - from a minor trouble to a real tragedy - it can be very scary.

They have problems with empathy and tact.

Let's be honest: sometimes each of us tries on a white coat. It is nice to "scratch" your ego and feel how beautiful you are against the background of the rest, stupid and lazy.

But someone keeps these thoughts to themselves, does not devalue the interlocutors and does not spoil their mood. And someone uncovers their coat and appears before the public, surrounded by its blinding radiance.

They are not very confident and want to show off.

When you doubt yourself, asserting yourself at the expense of others is one of the easiest and most obvious ways to feel a little better.

How to deal with people in a white coat

What to do if you are wearing a white coat

To try on "white clothes" is generally natural for a person. There is hardly anyone who has never done this, at least mentally. But this behavior can hurt others, and it's better to leave your coat in the closet, rather than show it to the world.

• Try to keep track of the moments when you want to say "Here I am ..." and proudly rise above your interlocutors. Pause and ask yourself what it will do for you and how other people will react to it. In fact, the pleasure of your own "shine" will be fleeting, and you will hardly want to continue communicating with you.
• Don't talk about what you don't understand in practice. Try to share your experiences (after finding out if it is appropriate), rather than giving out tips and directions. “My child is usually quite calm and obedient, but I have a couple of tricks to deal with him. whims. If you want, I can tell you. "
• If you really want to share your successes and declare how cool you are, do it in a respectful manner, without humiliating or devaluing others. "Imagine, and I always buy food for a couple of months in advance, and during quarantine it helped me out."
• Often a white coat is worn when recognition is lacking. Think about how else you can get it. For example, at work ask your boss for feedback, at home - talk to your family and explain that you want to be praised more often. If you are a hobbyist, share the results on social networks - there will definitely be at least a couple of people who will appreciate your achievements.

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Do you have to deal with people in a white coat? How do you usually react? Let us know in the comments.