How to make small talk
A Life / / January 06, 2021
Tatiana Shakhmatova
Candidate of Philology, teacher, author of a series of books "Philological investigation"Publishing house" Eksmo ".
Small talk, or small talk, originated in France and England. In the 19th century, the Russian high society adopted the skill of the dialogue of associations (another name for small talk), but over the years of Soviet history it was lost. However, the roots of the domestic inability to conduct small talk are even deeper: a non-binding conversation to establish contact is absent not only in our culture, but also in the language code.
There are simply no speech samples of the small talk genre in our arsenal, and we have nothing to build an easy conversation out of. Moreover, our very mentality seems to resist "little conversations". In conversation, we love depth, and English talking about the weather seems empty to us, while Chinese small talk about food seems silly.
Meanwhile, in Russia, business etiquette is actively developing, which involves communication at business meetings, forums, business breakfasts. In these formats, too serious and personal conversations are unacceptable. How is it in a few minutes
endear a stranger or unfamiliar person, to establish contact and not push away? There is only one way out: we will have to come up with Russian small talk. But before coming up with your own, you should pay attention to what has already been invented.Borrowings from English small talk
There are a lot of thematic taboos in English conversation, because in this format of communication one cannot argue, violate the boundaries of the interlocutor, spoil his mood or make him bored. Residents of Foggy Albion do not like to talk about personal life and relationships within the family, about religion, health status, problems at work, politics, earnings, Brexit, migrants, philosophy, football (especially if you are from Manchester, and your counterpart from Liverpool).
It is easier to list decent topics for conversation than to remember all English taboo topics. However, such a careful selection suggests that we are facing completely safe and win-win options that will be appropriate in almost any situation and with any interlocutor.
Safe topics for easy conversation
1. Weather
A typical English conversation about the weather looks like this:
- It's pretty warm today.
- Yes, it was a wonderful day.
“It seems like the sun came out for the first time this week.
- Yes, I don’t remember the sun showing for more than ten minutes these days.
- It seems that the summer before last also had a lot of cloudy days.
- I remember that summer very well, my family and I just rented a lovely cottage in Sussex not far from the coast, but we never even went on a picnic ...
Perhaps this topic is not the most successful for Russian speakers, but if you approach the issue with humor and ingenuity, then the weather can be quite amiss. Here are some examples I heard myself:
- "It seems pointless to take a taxi: it is pouring so much that it is time to start building the ark."
- “Come in, sit down. It's pretty warm here. " - "Yes, I will take off my hat as soon as it freezes from my head."
Here the famous English rule of creating a comic is not too bad - "not so bad."
2. Pets
The British are dog lovers. The queen mother herself supports the fashion for dogs, so make a comment about the breed of a passing animal or inquire about health terrier colleagues are a perfectly acceptable start to a conversation in Foggy Albion.
- I have a dog of the same breed as on this calendar.
- Oh really? My mother had exactly the same, this is a wonderful breed.
“You are absolutely right, there is almost no trouble with these dogs. True, they are very mobile.
- But from some side it is even a plus.
3. The object in the hands of the interlocutor
As an example, I will give an incident that happened to me personally and puzzled me at first.
"Are you going to eat this cake alone?" A saleswoman asked me in a small pastry shop next to our home in Warrington.
I had time to be offended, and twice: do I really look like a person who has no one to eat cake with? Or is the employee hinting that it’s time for me to quit eating pastries at night in a dark kitchen?
But then it dawned on me that they were trying to start small talk with me and there was a very specific meaning behind this strange question. In essence, this is a question about the composition of the family (that very personal taboo question like “Do you have children?”), But it was asked very correctly. Seeing a new face, the saleswoman wanted to find out how often I would come to her pastry shop and buy sweets.
“My husband is not very fond of sweets, but I will definitely let him try,” I replied after an indecently prolonged pause.
The lady breathed out a sigh of relief. To hurt the interlocutor is the worst of evils in English conversation, and my face, apparently, expressed intense reflections.
“I hope you both enjoy it. Have a nice day, come with your husband, we have more nuts and sweets based on stevia! " She smiled. Voila, the goal has been achieved: the exchange of information has taken place, contact there is.
The question about the subject is good because it has a clear situational framework, from which it is not so easy to go into the personal zone. An unusual pen or sticker on a laptop, conference program - everything can be a reason to start a light conversation. I spoke to one of my future students, trying to find out who Totoro was, in the form of which her phone case was made. As a result, we studied with her for almost two years, and it all started with an object in her hands.
Rules that can be adopted
- Agree with the interlocutor. Even if a banality was expressed, it is always nice to hear a “yes” answer: “Good weather so cheers up!” - "One cannot but agree with this."
- Use humor. If everything is bad, imagine what could have been worse. If everything is dazzlingly beautiful, pretend not to attach too much importance to it. The "not so bad" rule works in both cases in small talk.
- Compliment and ask questions. Even if you do not like animals, since we are talking about them, praise the interlocutor's dog. Or his cat (this topic is definitely a win-win). It is also appropriate to ask a question, comment, or compliment the subject in the hands of the other person.
What else will help you conduct small talk in Russian?
Russian speakers have far fewer taboo topics for communicating with strangers than English speakers. The following inappropriate topics can be safely identified:
- nationality;
- family composition, marital status;
- income level;
- religion and attitude to religion;
- state of health, illness, death;
- acute social issues (for example, my students named among such topics feminism, as it is often understood and perceived ambiguously).
On the one hand, weak thematic regulation is a plus, since it is easier to find a common topic for conversation. On the other hand, it is a minus, because even in a short conversation, a conflict situation can arise. From this characteristic follows the first important skill in order to successfully conduct small talk.
1. Switch theme
- Do you have children?
- No.
- Usually they answer that there is, so I ask this question to find common topics.
“I can lie if you like. Ask again.
- M-yes. Awful start.
This is not a dialogue from a play of the theater of the absurd, but a real conversation that I heard with my own ears. The person chose an unsuccessful question to start the conversation, and having received a negative answer, tried to explain that the situation had not improved. Nevertheless, the course of the conversation was corrected with the help of humor. The offer to lie and the comment "terrible start" were already spoken with a smile. In this case, the technique of extreme sharpening of the situation, turning it into a parody of itself, worked.
To switch the topic, you can use a joke or a question that seemed to suddenly pop into your head. And if you have mutual acquaintances with the interlocutor, switching the topic is even easier:
- "And I recently met our classmate!"
- “How is your boss doing? We once worked with him on the same project. "
- "I completely forgot, Alexey asked me to say hello."
2. Questions that suggest a detailed answer
Use them instead of “closed” questions, which can be answered “yes” or “no”. For example: “To be honest, I never shared the idea that checks like the Rands test can actually determine a team's vitality. What do you think? " A question like this posed to a colleague can spark a whole discussion.
3. Expanded answers
Even if the question can be answered in monosyllables, it is important to give the other person a clue to keep the conversation going. Enter in your reply any new information to which he might react.
- I noticed that you love to cook.
- Yes, I especially like trying new recipes. Every time I come to a new country, I try to find out some culinary secrets from the locals.
- Oh, are you also a traveler? This year I visited Kamchatka for the first time - I finally made my dream come true.
4. Erudition and responsiveness
Name a couple of names from the area you are talking about, or from the area of your general professional interests, give an interesting fact. It always makes a good impression.
As an example, we give the following conversation at the coffee break of the book marketing conference:
- An interesting idea about a creative approach in sales was voiced by Ivanov: about how to sell a book to a person that he never thought of buying.
- This approach works especially funny when you need to sell a book by Dale Carnegie.
Or like this:
- Can you advise interesting places where you can go in Kazan?
- It is usually recommended to visit the Kremlin, Bauman Street, Staro-Tatarskaya Sloboda. And I would also recommend going to the Katchalov Theater. You will not be disappointed, only tickets must be booked in advance.
- Oh, do you like theater?
In my opinion, small talk is one of the most important, but also the most difficult genres of business communication. You need to adapt to the moment and to the interlocutor, and at the same time not forget about your own interests. However, if you know the key features of such a conversation and practice regularly, you can develop your own conversation techniques and become a real communication guru.
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